To Cherish Thorns
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Narrowing Pathways"Free Verse Poetry
22 total reviews
Comment from TPAC
Different in its presentation but very appealing in its structuring writer statements enhanced this work creative expressions making a good read in my opinion.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2015
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Different in its presentation but very appealing in its structuring writer statements enhanced this work creative expressions making a good read in my opinion.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2015
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Thank you so much. I'm pleased you enjoyed. mikey
Comment from I am Cat
Jeez Mikey.... Here you have me breaking TWO of my rules before entering into this booth:
1. You will NOT do CatCrits for these poems... you do NOT have time for this.
2. You will NOT give a rating of SIX STARS to these poems because, let's face it... you came in here knowing that these poems would be good, and you don't have enough to go around.
Look! Look what you've done? You've made me break BOTH of my rules.
dimmit.
But hell, Mikey, this just rocks the socks off the competition.
(and why the hell aren't you whipping MY ass? *looks behind myself* well.... *blush* I do have a cute little ass... but still! rackin sackin... this really rocks!)
and so... *ahem* LET THE CATCRIT BEGIN!
'I dream in color
it seems I was told
by someone old
that colors
splashed across the sky
and when I asked why
the meeting was called to order
and the elders walled every border
someone wrote words
and murder
became punctuation
superiority became
a matter of brute force
of course
a horse pulled a carriage
and a wheel spun round
and at some point
hunger became
the norm'
(this reminds me of the book, 'The Giver', by Lois Lowry. Have you read it? If not, you should... beautifully told, Mikey!)
light (so much is said with the simplicity of this one word...... alone)
*
'light arrives from the past
to enlighten us
we in turn send light
hopefully into the future'
(hopefully. yes... )
'Twas my eyes saw color--I gouged them out
I heard "race" ... had my ears impaled
I knew in my mind black and white
and could describe them with
clear meaning to all
I cut my tongue
...but I am
just one
man'
(wow, this is so powerful, and it just STABBED me. I grew up (from the age of 11, in southeast Oklahoma, among race riots (in a neighboring town)... the fear of hearing that, but then, living among the Cherokee and Choctaw indians and having only about half a dozen blacks (that's what we called them in the 70's) in our town... we all grew up together, we were friends... we didn't have a clue that we were all that different. My first boyfriend throughout high school was indian, and he told me once that he wished he was 'white'. THAT was the first time I even thought for a moment we might be different. And it cut at my heart.
We would never be the same. It ate him from the inside out.
:( )
'there was a first man
there will be a last
the rest of us
struggle
to fit
in'
(I love the shape of this as an arrowhead... to signify the Native American (aptly named AFTER our growing minds, and lives left the ranges... well done... and we do... we struggle to fit in)
'most cannot be tasked to bother'
(sadly)
'a select few
stand
alone'
*stands by Mikey*
So beautifully done, and heartfelt. You are a true 'spirit' writer, Mikey...
and you release the spirit of the Eagle... I'm not sure you know what I mean... but I think you might.
I loved this.
A winner in my mind,
Cat
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2015
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Jeez Mikey.... Here you have me breaking TWO of my rules before entering into this booth:
1. You will NOT do CatCrits for these poems... you do NOT have time for this.
2. You will NOT give a rating of SIX STARS to these poems because, let's face it... you came in here knowing that these poems would be good, and you don't have enough to go around.
Look! Look what you've done? You've made me break BOTH of my rules.
dimmit.
But hell, Mikey, this just rocks the socks off the competition.
(and why the hell aren't you whipping MY ass? *looks behind myself* well.... *blush* I do have a cute little ass... but still! rackin sackin... this really rocks!)
and so... *ahem* LET THE CATCRIT BEGIN!
'I dream in color
it seems I was told
by someone old
that colors
splashed across the sky
and when I asked why
the meeting was called to order
and the elders walled every border
someone wrote words
and murder
became punctuation
superiority became
a matter of brute force
of course
a horse pulled a carriage
and a wheel spun round
and at some point
hunger became
the norm'
(this reminds me of the book, 'The Giver', by Lois Lowry. Have you read it? If not, you should... beautifully told, Mikey!)
light (so much is said with the simplicity of this one word...... alone)
*
'light arrives from the past
to enlighten us
we in turn send light
hopefully into the future'
(hopefully. yes... )
'Twas my eyes saw color--I gouged them out
I heard "race" ... had my ears impaled
I knew in my mind black and white
and could describe them with
clear meaning to all
I cut my tongue
...but I am
just one
man'
(wow, this is so powerful, and it just STABBED me. I grew up (from the age of 11, in southeast Oklahoma, among race riots (in a neighboring town)... the fear of hearing that, but then, living among the Cherokee and Choctaw indians and having only about half a dozen blacks (that's what we called them in the 70's) in our town... we all grew up together, we were friends... we didn't have a clue that we were all that different. My first boyfriend throughout high school was indian, and he told me once that he wished he was 'white'. THAT was the first time I even thought for a moment we might be different. And it cut at my heart.
We would never be the same. It ate him from the inside out.
:( )
'there was a first man
there will be a last
the rest of us
struggle
to fit
in'
(I love the shape of this as an arrowhead... to signify the Native American (aptly named AFTER our growing minds, and lives left the ranges... well done... and we do... we struggle to fit in)
'most cannot be tasked to bother'
(sadly)
'a select few
stand
alone'
*stands by Mikey*
So beautifully done, and heartfelt. You are a true 'spirit' writer, Mikey...
and you release the spirit of the Eagle... I'm not sure you know what I mean... but I think you might.
I loved this.
A winner in my mind,
Cat
Comment Written 23-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2015
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Hi! I'm not very far behind am I?
See, we write very similar stuff, no?
What a wonderful review. Glad to see you get some recognition for that. The committee must've taken my advice and done some drugs to loosen their brains a little. I'm stunned so I don't know what to say except thank you a million times. Yes, the spirit of the Eagle. :)
mikey
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You must have a direct line to that committee my friend ;)
I am very grateful. I truly am. Some days it's all about just being patted on the back. LOL
Thanks Mikey... I really loved this poem. It's full of all the good stuff. (and so are you) ;)
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I don't know why they don't just put us in charge and make a kick ass place out of this!! :)))
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Because they know we'd probably be dancing on the ceilings and serving margaritas! ;)
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Because they know we'd probably be dancing on the ceilings and serving margaritas! ;)
Comment from Schalk Jacobs
Wow...that is the first word that comes to mind. One of those elect few poems that puts so much meaning in so few words. What is best about it is that it leaves the interpretations of the poem entirely in the hands of the reader; Is it about racism,,, or society as a whole... or the lack of moral conscience in the world today? Just as the poem has no permanent structure so the interpretation is left wide open. Bravo, my friend, bravo!
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Wow...that is the first word that comes to mind. One of those elect few poems that puts so much meaning in so few words. What is best about it is that it leaves the interpretations of the poem entirely in the hands of the reader; Is it about racism,,, or society as a whole... or the lack of moral conscience in the world today? Just as the poem has no permanent structure so the interpretation is left wide open. Bravo, my friend, bravo!
Comment Written 21-Aug-2015
Comment from OklahomaDreamer
Wow! The stylized formatting works as well as the powerful verse. I especially like the, "...there was a first man there will be a last. the rest of us struggle to fit in..."
Isn't that the truth. The poetry forms it's own path across the page. Best of luck to you in the contest.
OD
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
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Wow! The stylized formatting works as well as the powerful verse. I especially like the, "...there was a first man there will be a last. the rest of us struggle to fit in..."
Isn't that the truth. The poetry forms it's own path across the page. Best of luck to you in the contest.
OD
Comment Written 19-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
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I'm so pleased you enjoyed this. It's an honor just to be surrounded by all the talent. Thanks for the wonderful rating and review. mikey
Comment from Treischel
I cringed with the eye gouge and gaged with the tongue cut. Definitely an extreme narrowing. This seemed to ramble to me. But had great impact value and creative formatting. Loved the line about firts and last nan.
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I cringed with the eye gouge and gaged with the tongue cut. Definitely an extreme narrowing. This seemed to ramble to me. But had great impact value and creative formatting. Loved the line about firts and last nan.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2015
Comment from justafan
I am so glad I had a 6 left for this, Mikey. How in the world I missed it I don't know! You have such massive talent. I love all you do and this ... oh wow!!! I love the presentation! Good luck and congrats at being selected to be in this contest. Some of the names are known to me, but I am an avid Mikey fan :).
Always,
Missy
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I am so glad I had a 6 left for this, Mikey. How in the world I missed it I don't know! You have such massive talent. I love all you do and this ... oh wow!!! I love the presentation! Good luck and congrats at being selected to be in this contest. Some of the names are known to me, but I am an avid Mikey fan :).
Always,
Missy
Comment Written 18-Aug-2015
Comment from Nosha17
Perhaps, you mean that basically human beings don't really get on and are more content to act on their own-yet a certain few will be set apart and will be remembered. Good use of rhyming and philosophical message. You missed my Waterfall poem from Scotland, it is pretty good. My current posting is a Nature one! I laughed at what you wrote about serving the addiction-sounds like me. Enjoyable read. Faye
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
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Perhaps, you mean that basically human beings don't really get on and are more content to act on their own-yet a certain few will be set apart and will be remembered. Good use of rhyming and philosophical message. You missed my Waterfall poem from Scotland, it is pretty good. My current posting is a Nature one! I laughed at what you wrote about serving the addiction-sounds like me. Enjoyable read. Faye
Comment Written 22-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
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Hi. I do sneak in and give your work a quick read. I'm just so pressed for time lately. I couldn't resist posting something and I feel guilty for not doing much in return for all the kind words. But I'll make it up somehow. :)
Thank you so much. Hope you are well, mikey
Comment from w.j.debi
A powerful piece, Mikey. Prejudice is a thing carefully taught. You put small children together and they have no concept of its meaning. They get along fine until some adult tells them they shouldn't. Strong imagery with gorging out eyes, impaling ears and cutting tongues. And being just one man. One who is strong enough to stand alone. We start out with so many possibilities and then limit ourselves by what we accept to fit in. Such excellent writing. I wish I hadn't spent all my sixes. This verse is truly deserving.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
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A powerful piece, Mikey. Prejudice is a thing carefully taught. You put small children together and they have no concept of its meaning. They get along fine until some adult tells them they shouldn't. Strong imagery with gorging out eyes, impaling ears and cutting tongues. And being just one man. One who is strong enough to stand alone. We start out with so many possibilities and then limit ourselves by what we accept to fit in. Such excellent writing. I wish I hadn't spent all my sixes. This verse is truly deserving.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
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I'm so pleased you enjoyed. I haven't been around much to review and respond so I haven't posted too much. I feel guilty receiving reviews and not giving anything back. :)
Your words are worth so much more than any six. So very well put. Thank you kindly, mikey
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I totally understand. It can get overwhelming. I haven't posted as much this year either for the same reason.
It is good to hear from you, Mikey. Keep writing and post when you feel like it. :)
Comment from amada
I agree with you...time is precious, but we have to feed our addiction to write. I like the beginning of your poem..."I dream in color." What a fantastic line that explore so many facets. Unfortunately now it has the tint of hate. Your words let me to think and pray.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
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I agree with you...time is precious, but we have to feed our addiction to write. I like the beginning of your poem..."I dream in color." What a fantastic line that explore so many facets. Unfortunately now it has the tint of hate. Your words let me to think and pray.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
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I'm so pleased you have such a deep understanding of this. I worry when I stray outside the normal boundaries. But, then, I guess I should just write what I feel and be happy that some "get it". Thank you so much, mikey
Comment from ravenblack
Form...my form. Damn right! I have read through this more than a few times and can't help but detect frustration over a narrowing path, not just over what is defined as the new normal, but over what seems to be , at least here, accepted as poetry. I myself am growing tired of defending free Verse. Black and white, walled every border- color outside the lines. The elders are nuts lol.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
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Form...my form. Damn right! I have read through this more than a few times and can't help but detect frustration over a narrowing path, not just over what is defined as the new normal, but over what seems to be , at least here, accepted as poetry. I myself am growing tired of defending free Verse. Black and white, walled every border- color outside the lines. The elders are nuts lol.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015
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I know what you mean. I'm done defending or explaining. I'm just writing it and putting it out there. There's enough people who get it to keep me happy. I'm nice enough to dabble in THEIR sonnets and things, you'd think they'd reciprocate. Hahaha. mikey