Kathy's Story
Stalwart, spry, and full of life38 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Hi Jesse, how glad I am that you were able to help them out of a hopeless situation. I don't think many would have done what you did. You got them on their way, and they were able to get a decent life. I'm so glad. Thanks a lot for sharing this with us. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Hi Jesse, how glad I am that you were able to help them out of a hopeless situation. I don't think many would have done what you did. You got them on their way, and they were able to get a decent life. I'm so glad. Thanks a lot for sharing this with us. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 24-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Hello Ulla. Thank you for your supportive stance on how I helped them out. We actually helped each other. Kathy was a great role model of perseverance and tenacity. She was willing to work hard to get what she wanted out of life, and that is inspiring!
Have a nice and restful weekend.
Jesse
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Kathy's Story
by Jesse James Doty
Beautiful story with a happy ending. I was homeless once...it was just a day and night but I will never forget it. It was good of you to help them. I worked as a social worker to help homeless people for three years. It was a rewarding job.
Well done.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Kathy's Story
by Jesse James Doty
Beautiful story with a happy ending. I was homeless once...it was just a day and night but I will never forget it. It was good of you to help them. I worked as a social worker to help homeless people for three years. It was a rewarding job.
Well done.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Thank you, Gypsy, for sharing your story of how you were a social worker who helped people who were homeless. I am happy it was a rewarding experience for you. I am sorry you were homeless. Even for one day and night, it must be terrifying. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. It means a lot.
Have a wonderful weekend, my friend,
Jesse
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is a fantastic piece that relates the triumph of dedication and aspiration over despondency and desperation. I loved every word of it, and wouldn't change anything.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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This is a fantastic piece that relates the triumph of dedication and aspiration over despondency and desperation. I loved every word of it, and wouldn't change anything.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Thank you, Katherine, for your enthusiastic review. I am so glad you loved this story and that you wouldn't change a thing.
Have a great weekend,
Jesse
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Thanks for sharing the
picture, notes, and story, Jesse.
-You did a good job with it, and
describe the situation very well.
-We learn a little bit about
Kathy and Arnold and the
living situation, and how you
fit into the picture, too.
-You describe the living conditions
very well, and how each of you
accommodated the other.
-It sounds like it was a very
good 'give and take' arrangement.
-It is also fortunate that even the
landlords cooperated to help out.
-It shows what kind of heart you
have to help these friends get
back on their feet.
-The concluding paragraphs are
very good, too, and show how
things worked out.
-Very well done, my friend.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
|
-Thanks for sharing the
picture, notes, and story, Jesse.
-You did a good job with it, and
describe the situation very well.
-We learn a little bit about
Kathy and Arnold and the
living situation, and how you
fit into the picture, too.
-You describe the living conditions
very well, and how each of you
accommodated the other.
-It sounds like it was a very
good 'give and take' arrangement.
-It is also fortunate that even the
landlords cooperated to help out.
-It shows what kind of heart you
have to help these friends get
back on their feet.
-The concluding paragraphs are
very good, too, and show how
things worked out.
-Very well done, my friend.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Thank you, Pam, for your detailed and encouraging review. I like your suggestions and have already, since I read your review, separated the paragraphs you mentioned. Thank you so much for your help. I appreciate it, and your kind comments, as well.
Thanks again, and have a wonderful weekend,
Jesse
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You are very welcome, Jesse, and I appreciate your reply. I am glad the suggestions were helpful. You have a good weekend, too.
Comment from Janice Canerdy
I am very moved by this piece--a wonderful story of victory for three people who care for one another, and each makes every effort possible for the good of the others.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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I am very moved by this piece--a wonderful story of victory for three people who care for one another, and each makes every effort possible for the good of the others.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Thank you, Janice, for this supportive review. I am glad you were moved by my story. I appreciate your encouraging comments, and hope you have a wonderful weekend,
Jesse
Comment from Ric Myworld
With so much negativity in the world these days, it's nice to read a happy story. I'm so glad you could assist Kathy and Arnold in turning their lives around. Hands up are always better than handouts. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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With so much negativity in the world these days, it's nice to read a happy story. I'm so glad you could assist Kathy and Arnold in turning their lives around. Hands up are always better than handouts. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Thank you, Ric, for this supportive and positive review. Yes, giving a hand to someone in need is much better than simply a handout. I appreciate your kind words and your excellent review and rating.
Have a great weekend,
Jesse
Comment from rama devi
Second review
Glad to be of help and that you like the edits.
First review (FOUR stars)
Thanks for sharing this story...inspiring! How wonderful to hear about. So kind of you to give her work and find her a place to live.
Please do not worry about the rating, as I will be happy to upgrade it if you revise the spag issues.
The writing is easy to follow and well-paced for the most part, but there are some grammatical and punctuation hiccups you might with to address, which also hamper flow.
Critique notes:
*
Walking from the Rescue Mission, (where they house those without a home) in the cold and wintry early morning hours, Kathy came prepared to work.
The parenthesis hamper flow in this first line. Also, if you decide to keep it, they should not be preceded by a comma. My suggestion:
Walking from the Rescue Mission, where they house those without a home, in the cold and wintry early morning hours, Kathy came prepared to work.
However, I further recommend not beginning with a gerund and making the sentence more compact. Example:
One early wintry morning, Kathy walked from the Rescue Mission where they house those without a home, prepared to work.
*
Without setting up a certain time to meet, she knew I needed a caregiver right away, and took the chance, by showing up at my doorstep, at the required time of 8 am sharp.
this sentence is very awkward, Jesse, as it has too many commas. It's a bit of a run on. I suggest two, along with tightening. Example edit:
We hadn't set up a time to meet. She knew I needed a caregiver right away, so she took a chance, showing up at my doorstep at the required time of 8 am sharp.
*
Kathy entered my apartment and immediately, after getting my permission, began to clean and make breakfast for me.
I recommend shifting the placement of the word IMMEDIATELY:
Kathy entered my apartment and, after getting my permission, immediately began to clean and make breakfast for me.
* Instead, she was to pay weekly(,) and he offered to front the first week in exchange for her promise that she would pay him back when she got her first paycheck.
*Meanwhile, she moved in immediately and brought her fiance with her whose name was Arnold.
This would be best to trim and tighten, plus comma stuff:
Meanwhile, she moved in, immediately, and brought her fiance, whose name was Arnold.
*His leg was broken(,) which made it difficult to climb the stairs at the Mission.
*
They moved into the main bedroom with its own bathroom equipped with a shower, etc., and made themselves scarce when I was writing at my desk or taking a nap in my bedroom.
'Run on and not great flow. Suggest trimming this: with its own bathroom equipped with a shower, etc.,
They moved into the main bedroom and made themselves scarce when I was writing at my desk or taking a nap in my bedroom.
*
Accommodating, as best as they could, they made allowance for my unusual hours and habits(,) and we coexisted until it was clear that they needed their space(,) as I needed mine.
* I finally found the right place and found a service for those in need that paid for their first, last, and deposit so that they could move in.
*In what seemed like no time at all, they moved out(,) and Kathy continued to work for me until I was able to replace her, and we went our separate ways.
Suggest this would work better as two sentences:
In what seemed like no time at all, they moved out. Kathy continued to work for me until I was able to replace her, and we went our separate ways.
Kathy beat the odds, winning new freedoms,(NO COMMA) and never forgetting what it was like to be homeless.
The story has a sweet happy ending, and I enjoyed hearing about this. The writing needs fine tuning, and I hope you find this review helpful, dear friend.
Blessings to Kathy and Arnold!
Blessings to you!
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Second review
Glad to be of help and that you like the edits.
First review (FOUR stars)
Thanks for sharing this story...inspiring! How wonderful to hear about. So kind of you to give her work and find her a place to live.
Please do not worry about the rating, as I will be happy to upgrade it if you revise the spag issues.
The writing is easy to follow and well-paced for the most part, but there are some grammatical and punctuation hiccups you might with to address, which also hamper flow.
Critique notes:
*
Walking from the Rescue Mission, (where they house those without a home) in the cold and wintry early morning hours, Kathy came prepared to work.
The parenthesis hamper flow in this first line. Also, if you decide to keep it, they should not be preceded by a comma. My suggestion:
Walking from the Rescue Mission, where they house those without a home, in the cold and wintry early morning hours, Kathy came prepared to work.
However, I further recommend not beginning with a gerund and making the sentence more compact. Example:
One early wintry morning, Kathy walked from the Rescue Mission where they house those without a home, prepared to work.
*
Without setting up a certain time to meet, she knew I needed a caregiver right away, and took the chance, by showing up at my doorstep, at the required time of 8 am sharp.
this sentence is very awkward, Jesse, as it has too many commas. It's a bit of a run on. I suggest two, along with tightening. Example edit:
We hadn't set up a time to meet. She knew I needed a caregiver right away, so she took a chance, showing up at my doorstep at the required time of 8 am sharp.
*
Kathy entered my apartment and immediately, after getting my permission, began to clean and make breakfast for me.
I recommend shifting the placement of the word IMMEDIATELY:
Kathy entered my apartment and, after getting my permission, immediately began to clean and make breakfast for me.
* Instead, she was to pay weekly(,) and he offered to front the first week in exchange for her promise that she would pay him back when she got her first paycheck.
*Meanwhile, she moved in immediately and brought her fiance with her whose name was Arnold.
This would be best to trim and tighten, plus comma stuff:
Meanwhile, she moved in, immediately, and brought her fiance, whose name was Arnold.
*His leg was broken(,) which made it difficult to climb the stairs at the Mission.
*
They moved into the main bedroom with its own bathroom equipped with a shower, etc., and made themselves scarce when I was writing at my desk or taking a nap in my bedroom.
'Run on and not great flow. Suggest trimming this: with its own bathroom equipped with a shower, etc.,
They moved into the main bedroom and made themselves scarce when I was writing at my desk or taking a nap in my bedroom.
*
Accommodating, as best as they could, they made allowance for my unusual hours and habits(,) and we coexisted until it was clear that they needed their space(,) as I needed mine.
* I finally found the right place and found a service for those in need that paid for their first, last, and deposit so that they could move in.
*In what seemed like no time at all, they moved out(,) and Kathy continued to work for me until I was able to replace her, and we went our separate ways.
Suggest this would work better as two sentences:
In what seemed like no time at all, they moved out. Kathy continued to work for me until I was able to replace her, and we went our separate ways.
Kathy beat the odds, winning new freedoms,(NO COMMA) and never forgetting what it was like to be homeless.
The story has a sweet happy ending, and I enjoyed hearing about this. The writing needs fine tuning, and I hope you find this review helpful, dear friend.
Blessings to Kathy and Arnold!
Blessings to you!
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 24-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Thank you, Rama. Your review was extremely helpful, and I will make most of the changes you recommend as soon as I am done replying to this review. There are so many that I will need to do quite a bit of editing to satisfy your editorial job. But, I appreciate your help very much. Most of the readers react to the message alone instead of helping with the grammar, etc. Thank you again, for this help, my friend.
Have a great day and stay well.
Jesse
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THe message is inspiring and deserves to have the writing part shine its best!
Thanks for your gracious response. I'm doing five stars in advance, as I may not be on FS again for a few days.
Blessings,
rd
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Thanks, Rama. I did the changes you suggested already. I also spread out the paragraphs per Pam's (respa) suggestion.
I hope you continue to have a lot of work, but I will also be glad, when you are back on FS, again.
Take care, my friend,
Jesse
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Thanks! I will be back during this week until new chapters come from my current client's novel...and a few other clients who plan to send poems and chapters. No big files at the moment..,so, in between, I may visit here.
Take Care,
rd
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Great! We could use your input. There are a lot of newbies who started this month or last month and need guidance. I have been doing what I can for a few of them.
Welcome back!
Have a wonderful Sunday,
Jesse
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Thanks...I look forward to meeting newbies and greeting oldies! ':)
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Hello Rama.
I want to be sure and thank you once again for giving me all of those suggestions for Kathy's Story.
I'm glad you are back!
Jesse
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:-))) Thanks again!
Comment from Wendy G
Jesse, this is a lovely story, all the more so because it is true. You were a mutual blessing to each other, and you certainly helped her to get back on her feet, with her life changed, and her partner's also. She was a role model, and so were you, by your acceptance and generosity. Fine writing.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Jesse, this is a lovely story, all the more so because it is true. You were a mutual blessing to each other, and you certainly helped her to get back on her feet, with her life changed, and her partner's also. She was a role model, and so were you, by your acceptance and generosity. Fine writing.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Hello Wendy.
Thank you for this encouraging and uplifting review. Yes, we were mutual blessings, and both of us were role models of behavior. I appreciate, your kind words and thank you, for the excellent rating.
Have a great weekend, my friend, and be well,
Jesse
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Heartwarming tale--as regards your recent announcement of a tentative foray into prose writing--bingo! You're off and running with this lovely story. Beautifully written.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Heartwarming tale--as regards your recent announcement of a tentative foray into prose writing--bingo! You're off and running with this lovely story. Beautifully written.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Thanks so much, Elizabeth, for this positive and encouraging review. Your kind comments are appreciated very much.
Have a lovely weekend,
Jesse
Comment from Irish Rain
Just totally awesome.
We all want to make a difference, but few do.
(Unless we do, and don't realize it.)
But this is huge.
God Bless you, Kathy, and Arnold.
I love this story!!!
Blessings...
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Just totally awesome.
We all want to make a difference, but few do.
(Unless we do, and don't realize it.)
But this is huge.
God Bless you, Kathy, and Arnold.
I love this story!!!
Blessings...
Comment Written 24-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Thank you so much for this wonderful review and the extra stars too! I am glad this story inspired you and that you loved it so. Yes, I made a difference in their lives, and they in mine for their perseverance and tenacity of spirit to climb out of the homeless trap that some find themselves in and better their lives, instead!
Have a wonderful weekend, my friend,
Jesse
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Just goes to show, it can be done. Good for them...good for you!! A WONDERFUL story!!
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Yes, it can be done, with other's help, when fortune smiles on both of us.
I like writing in prose for a change of pace. It stretches my writing muscles.
Take care,
Jesse
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You do well at it...Happy Saturday!!
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Happy Saturday to you too!
Jesse