Sonnets
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "A Raptor's Child"A collection of sonnets
37 total reviews
Comment from GregoryCody
Well there you are! Sorry I've taken so long to review. I have a newborn. He's been taking up my time of course. But I'll be back reviewing full force soon. I miss reading your work. Ugh I do, it's always so beautifully worded.
Mysteries, moon, marvel. Such strong alliteration! Such flow in every line. Great start stop feel in places. Stretch to meet the wind. Love it.
You mastered blank verse! HOW? It's the only form I haven't tried. You are truly gifted my friend. I need more sixes.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Well there you are! Sorry I've taken so long to review. I have a newborn. He's been taking up my time of course. But I'll be back reviewing full force soon. I miss reading your work. Ugh I do, it's always so beautifully worded.
Mysteries, moon, marvel. Such strong alliteration! Such flow in every line. Great start stop feel in places. Stretch to meet the wind. Love it.
You mastered blank verse! HOW? It's the only form I haven't tried. You are truly gifted my friend. I need more sixes.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Hi. Good to see you. I've been almost as busy as you. Congratulations. A newborn, how cool. I've seen a couple of your great pieces here and there. I should've reviewed, but I hate saying the same thing every time (even though it's true). "What the hell were the voters reading?" Hahaha. This is the only blank verse I've ever tried. The contest calls for no rhyme anywhere. DAMN! It was hard. But, it meant putting in a lot of work, so the poem came out pretty good with all the editing. Glad you liked it. You'd kill this form. mikey
Comment from Selina Stambi
Mikey, I'm sorry I gave away my sixes too soon ... so here's a virtual one for you xxxxxx (6)!
Absolutely beautiful blank verse.
Polished iambic pentameter. You're getting good at this, friend. Ray must be proud of you.
Best wishes for the contest. Oh yes .... and eagle does rhyme with dreams ... right!
Sonali
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Mikey, I'm sorry I gave away my sixes too soon ... so here's a virtual one for you xxxxxx (6)!
Absolutely beautiful blank verse.
Polished iambic pentameter. You're getting good at this, friend. Ray must be proud of you.
Best wishes for the contest. Oh yes .... and eagle does rhyme with dreams ... right!
Sonali
Comment Written 26-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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I'm delighted with a virtual six. Ray made this tough, no rhyme ANYWHERE! He was a huge help and I didn't want to disappoint him, so I worked hard on this one. I never thought my little free verse self would find it difficult to NOT rhyme. Thank you so much. Mikey
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Mikey, is that you on my blog, never2old2dream? The pic looks like yours, but I couldn't be sure.
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Yes. I didn't think that it wouldn't have any name to identify. :)
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There is no follow button to click on (on your page). How do I follow back?
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Gee, I don't know. SL Harper is there too. I only show up when I get a post from her and now from you. I'm not sure how to get there any other way. I don't know what my name is there, could be TREDNOGS. If not, it would be micahelcahill, mikey, or madrigalisland. I'll send you a message if I figure it out. :)
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Sounds good. Let me know. :)
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Just became a follower!
Comment from Just2Write
Great iambic meter carries this poem along and excellent enjambment takes us smoothly from line to line. The poem lets us see the speaker and his communication with an eagle flying high in the sky above him and considering what it would be like to fly so free.
It was not a requirement to craft a poem in Sonnet format, but you did so nicely (I also entered a Sonnet format entry)
You open in stanza one painting the scene of yourself and eagle contemplating one another, and expand on your wonder of the majesty of the bird in stanza two.
Good volta at line 9, which gives the reader something more to consider about what you are seeing, and feeling about the bond.
Very strong close in the final two lines which cement the image of the man (child of the raptor) knowing the rapture of flying to the stars and beyond, perhaps into heaven, while the bird (the raptor) knowing only basic instincts, and without the ability to dream.
(I don't know if eagles dream - it would be a great theme for a poem, methinks) I know my dog dreams - so it's not just a thing that humans do.)
Lovely entry, Mikey. Best of luck to you.
Rose.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Great iambic meter carries this poem along and excellent enjambment takes us smoothly from line to line. The poem lets us see the speaker and his communication with an eagle flying high in the sky above him and considering what it would be like to fly so free.
It was not a requirement to craft a poem in Sonnet format, but you did so nicely (I also entered a Sonnet format entry)
You open in stanza one painting the scene of yourself and eagle contemplating one another, and expand on your wonder of the majesty of the bird in stanza two.
Good volta at line 9, which gives the reader something more to consider about what you are seeing, and feeling about the bond.
Very strong close in the final two lines which cement the image of the man (child of the raptor) knowing the rapture of flying to the stars and beyond, perhaps into heaven, while the bird (the raptor) knowing only basic instincts, and without the ability to dream.
(I don't know if eagles dream - it would be a great theme for a poem, methinks) I know my dog dreams - so it's not just a thing that humans do.)
Lovely entry, Mikey. Best of luck to you.
Rose.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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I'm so pleased that you've interpreted my piece exactly as I hoped. What a satisfying review to say the least. I truly worked hard on this one. After reading your entry and some others, I didn't want to submit any old thing. :)) My macaw dreams for sure so I imagine that eagles and other raptors do as well. They're higher up the intelligence scale than dogs, so no doubt. That IS a great theme for a poem. Thank you so much and good luck. mikey
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I'd forgotten that you have a macaw. I thought about my parrot after I had written my comments, and remembered that for sure, he dreams - but it might be fun to explore what an eagle does with its sleep-time.
Rose.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Wonderful blank verse, Mikey. I love the message...the ending. We can look beyond where the eagle flies. In fact, we have flown above and beyond. We have purposes and goals of all kinds, while, as you say, the raptors have only one... to look DOWN to find food. Perfect! The comparison between human and eagle is awesome and deserves a solid six. :)
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Wonderful blank verse, Mikey. I love the message...the ending. We can look beyond where the eagle flies. In fact, we have flown above and beyond. We have purposes and goals of all kinds, while, as you say, the raptors have only one... to look DOWN to find food. Perfect! The comparison between human and eagle is awesome and deserves a solid six. :)
Comment Written 26-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Hi. You have the interpretation exactly correct. I'm so delighted!! I have to say that this is the most difficult form I've ever tried. God, no rhyme anywhere. It doesn't sound that hard!! I hope I'm not too far behind. It's actually a decent hour. Must see what Blaze is up too. Thank you so much. mikey
Comment from emrpoems
Strong opening lines for your blank verse sonnet contest entry
Created vivid imagery with the good use of descriptive words and allowed the reader to go along for the ride above as --an eagle ruling all that lies beneath.--suggests
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Strong opening lines for your blank verse sonnet contest entry
Created vivid imagery with the good use of descriptive words and allowed the reader to go along for the ride above as --an eagle ruling all that lies beneath.--suggests
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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I'm so pleased you enjoyed this. Sorry I've not been a good fan lately, they're making me work and I haven't been around too much. But, I'll get caught up again before long. I miss your great poetry. Thanks so much. mikey
Comment from Lena Borghi
Hello Michael,
This is a well-penned blank verse poem which takes us along on a wonderful fantasy.
You have adhered perfectly to the iambic pentameter and have clearly stayed away from perfect rhymes, although my mind did a couple of double takes with the end words, "will," "falls," and "pull." Since it's a contest piece, maybe think about some alternatives.
Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Best wishes,
Lena
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Hello Michael,
This is a well-penned blank verse poem which takes us along on a wonderful fantasy.
You have adhered perfectly to the iambic pentameter and have clearly stayed away from perfect rhymes, although my mind did a couple of double takes with the end words, "will," "falls," and "pull." Since it's a contest piece, maybe think about some alternatives.
Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Best wishes,
Lena
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much for a thoughtful and thorough review. I'll look at those. We're all pretty fried in the contest going back and forth reviewing and trying to eliminate ALL rhymes. I found it sooooo difficult. Kind of ironic since I came to Fanstory as a free verse poet! So pleased you enjoyed this. mikey
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You're quite welcome, Mike. I know what you mean. The moment you need to avoid rhymes is when rhyming words is all you can think of :)
Good luck!
Lena
Comment from sgalletti
Hi Mikey! I've been on this site since 2009 and my portfolio is full of poems about eagles, hawks and raptors. I love them! I am fortunate to have a pair that nest each year in a large pine tree in my backyard. And, they are constantly enrapturing me. So, this content just tugs at my soul. Plus, true story, when I was seven years old, after seeing the movie Peter Pan, I came home, grabbed a handfull of powdered soap, went to the second story window, sprinkled it on my head, and jumped. I almost ended up in Never Never Land LOL! I love your thoughts in this beautifully crafted sonnet, one of my favorite forms of poetry. And, you do an excellent job of writing it in Blank Verse. Impeccable iambic meter, no end or internal rhymes that I can find, and just enough alliteration and consonance to make it interesting without being distracting. I loved your imagery. Best of luck in the contest. Sue
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Hi Mikey! I've been on this site since 2009 and my portfolio is full of poems about eagles, hawks and raptors. I love them! I am fortunate to have a pair that nest each year in a large pine tree in my backyard. And, they are constantly enrapturing me. So, this content just tugs at my soul. Plus, true story, when I was seven years old, after seeing the movie Peter Pan, I came home, grabbed a handfull of powdered soap, went to the second story window, sprinkled it on my head, and jumped. I almost ended up in Never Never Land LOL! I love your thoughts in this beautifully crafted sonnet, one of my favorite forms of poetry. And, you do an excellent job of writing it in Blank Verse. Impeccable iambic meter, no end or internal rhymes that I can find, and just enough alliteration and consonance to make it interesting without being distracting. I loved your imagery. Best of luck in the contest. Sue
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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I love your Tinkerbell story. I'm known as Peter Pan among most of those that know me. I love birds and used to have a bird store. I once had a pair of barn owls with their own bedroom in my house. Birds of prey have their own cool mentality and skill set. They are awesome. I'm so pleased you liked this poem. I've never worked so hard on something in my life. This was DIFFICULT! WOW. My brain is fried, but look at all the great poetry in this little contest. I reread yours and it's even better! Good luck to you as well. We'll all probably tie 1-1-1. :)) mikey
Comment from ravenblack
In the shadow of the raptor supreme, we are all mice with feathered wills scratching away with our words. And every so often, we do rise above those clouds, even to the stars- a place where eagle's cannot dare. Yes, we are the raptor's child. Eagle / dream is fine. Don't sweat the small stuff. At least it was not eagle/ beagle. Now that would get you a swat on the nose lol. Excellent form and content- you more then rose to the challenge, Rodan. A six if I had one.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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In the shadow of the raptor supreme, we are all mice with feathered wills scratching away with our words. And every so often, we do rise above those clouds, even to the stars- a place where eagle's cannot dare. Yes, we are the raptor's child. Eagle / dream is fine. Don't sweat the small stuff. At least it was not eagle/ beagle. Now that would get you a swat on the nose lol. Excellent form and content- you more then rose to the challenge, Rodan. A six if I had one.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Yes, you got exactly what I was getting at. I swear this was the most difficult damn thing I ever wrote. Jeez! Well, it forced me to really work on it and edit, so it kept getting better. Thanks for the great review. Rodan lives! mikey
Comment from Nosha17
We both write in iambic pentameter/tetrameter in rhyming verse, so why is blank verse difficult? You have met the meter rules and you have captured the imagery of the theme very well. In my humble opinion blank verse is overrated, I don't think it requires as much skill as rhyming verse. Ok, maybe Shakespeare popularised it, I still think his plays that are in rhyme are far more effective and far more attractive when recited on the stage. Just me spouting off, hope you don't mind. Great picture and good luck in the contest. Faye
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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We both write in iambic pentameter/tetrameter in rhyming verse, so why is blank verse difficult? You have met the meter rules and you have captured the imagery of the theme very well. In my humble opinion blank verse is overrated, I don't think it requires as much skill as rhyming verse. Ok, maybe Shakespeare popularised it, I still think his plays that are in rhyme are far more effective and far more attractive when recited on the stage. Just me spouting off, hope you don't mind. Great picture and good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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Hi. I found it REALLY difficult to NOT rhyme. Hahaha. Especially no internal rhyme. It's the opposite of what I want to do. Well, just something to try I suppose. I'll be rhyming again as soon as I write my next line!!! I saw one of yours to review. I'll get to it soon. I'm being forced to earn my pay which I find ridiculous. Hahaha. See ya soon. mikey
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I agree, I could not do it either. I admire you for doing it, but I won't bother! However, it does not mean you lack the ability, just that you are tuned to rhyming which in itself shows far more talent, in my humble opinion. Bye for now. Faye
Comment from Dawn Munro
LOL! I'm laughing at your author's notes, not this splendid poem - hmm...not as easy as it looks to some, this form. Near-rhyme or slant rhyme shouldn't count against you - it's pure rhyme that's the problem. This is lovely, Mikey - it should do well. Highly imagistic and unique in subject matter. Best of luck.
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LOL! I'm laughing at your author's notes, not this splendid poem - hmm...not as easy as it looks to some, this form. Near-rhyme or slant rhyme shouldn't count against you - it's pure rhyme that's the problem. This is lovely, Mikey - it should do well. Highly imagistic and unique in subject matter. Best of luck.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
