Lady Lily
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Lady Lily and the Wizard 5"fantasy poem
21 total reviews
Comment from ravenblack
It is difficult to review this without having read the previous installments- I know I read the 1st a long time ago. Good technique- trochaic meter and catalexis. I'll have to go back to the previous chapters. I do like the common names, as if the wizarding is perhaps and imaginary adventure taking place as kid's play make believe.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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It is difficult to review this without having read the previous installments- I know I read the 1st a long time ago. Good technique- trochaic meter and catalexis. I'll have to go back to the previous chapters. I do like the common names, as if the wizarding is perhaps and imaginary adventure taking place as kid's play make believe.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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Thank you for remembering the first installment. It was back in October. I am writing this as a gift for my niece and hope that she likes the make believe in the story. Thank you for mentioning the technique. I find your comments encouraging.
Comment from Louise Michelle
Hi Debi,
You continue to add to your poetry story with great rhythm and rhymes.
I particularly like the way you weave conversation into the narrative without losing a beat. One of my favorite lines is:
"What?" scoffed Joe. "You think I'm scared?"
Good work, girl!
Hugs,
Lou
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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Hi Debi,
You continue to add to your poetry story with great rhythm and rhymes.
I particularly like the way you weave conversation into the narrative without losing a beat. One of my favorite lines is:
"What?" scoffed Joe. "You think I'm scared?"
Good work, girl!
Hugs,
Lou
Comment Written 27-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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Thank you, Lou. I wondered about putting conversation in the verse so I am happy to hear it is working. I think it is easier to show the personality of the characters when they speak. Thank you for following the story. I appreciate it. Debi
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Debi - again my apologies as I can't help on the meter part. However your story is wonderful, great imagery, smooth reading - I read it aloud and loved it more.
I thought you captured and held the reader in the story itself. Very expressive writing.
Thanks for sharing,
Maureen
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
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Dear Debi - again my apologies as I can't help on the meter part. However your story is wonderful, great imagery, smooth reading - I read it aloud and loved it more.
I thought you captured and held the reader in the story itself. Very expressive writing.
Thanks for sharing,
Maureen
Comment Written 27-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
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What kind and gracious comments. I am so flattered that you like the story and came back for more. I am delighted that you read it aloud and love it. Thank you. Debi
Comment from kiwijenny
I love these tales of fantasy. I love the rhyme and story told..I even like your breaking it up into an epic poem.
Great art work too. I love the dragons and crystal stone
God bless
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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I love these tales of fantasy. I love the rhyme and story told..I even like your breaking it up into an epic poem.
Great art work too. I love the dragons and crystal stone
God bless
Comment Written 27-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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Yes, I think it would have been way too long to post as one poem. It would have been too daunting for anyone to wade through in one sitting. The fact is, I am writing it for my niece and thinking that it should be read to her one chapter at a time. I think you and I both like dragons. Thank you so much an encouraging review. Debi
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There is the app Audio Voice where you can read your stories and poems and e mail it to your niece...if she isn't near you. I do this for my granddaughter who is leaving for Singapore In 3 weeks...she is 10 months old and it's so hard
Comment from artemis53
Fantasy poetry is a great favorite of mine. At first you spun me about by using archaic language with the new, spoken word but there was a delight to it. "Smoke and lightning mixed together thus obscuring all around. " Excellent!
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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Fantasy poetry is a great favorite of mine. At first you spun me about by using archaic language with the new, spoken word but there was a delight to it. "Smoke and lightning mixed together thus obscuring all around. " Excellent!
Comment Written 27-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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Thank you for a delightful review. Yes, I do like to play with words and mix them around a bit. I am happy to hear you liked the result in this verse. I appreciate the encouragement. Debi
Comment from kiwisteveh
A dramatic episode in your fantasy epic.
You are wise to break it into small chunks - the trochaic meter works well for story-telling, but I can see why some people find it monotonous in longer poems...
Steve
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
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A dramatic episode in your fantasy epic.
You are wise to break it into small chunks - the trochaic meter works well for story-telling, but I can see why some people find it monotonous in longer poems...
Steve
Comment Written 27-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
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Thank you for the gracious comments. Yes, I am sure posting the entire thing as one poem would be a bit overwhelming to read. I think any poem that long, no matter the meter, in one post would be too much. I started it as a piece for a contest that had a limit of 17 lines. The story just kind of took over and kept going. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I appreciate it. Debi
Comment from Eric1
Wow Deb, this goes along at a fair old pace my friend, I absolutely loved this meter, it allows the poet a lot of freedom and is good on the ear, but now I have to go back through your story and find out how this came about.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
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Wow Deb, this goes along at a fair old pace my friend, I absolutely loved this meter, it allows the poet a lot of freedom and is good on the ear, but now I have to go back through your story and find out how this came about.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
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What a nice compliment. I am pleased to hear you enjoyed the verse. I love the comment about it being good on the ear. Thank you. Debi
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You are welcome Debi
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You are welcome Debi
Comment from krys123
Debi; Impressively adventurous and most creative and inventive is the imagination created by you that is so resourceful. The rhythmic Trochee meter, tempo, cadence and timing all were very helpful in making the reading clear, smooth, fluid and easy.
Also the flow of the rhythm was evident throughout. Near and notable alliteration in
"smoke and sound" and "Lady Lily" Also there were many cacophonous and euphony type sounds in the wording. The rhyming was impressive and neither forced nor labored and helpful in the rhythmic flow but more importantly the rhyming words were contingent to the meaning and concept of each line. The tale goes on and impressively so with the Dragon and Lady Lily try to stop the wizard from getting away. Thank you for sharing and posting and may the Lord be with you always my friend.
Alex
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
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Debi; Impressively adventurous and most creative and inventive is the imagination created by you that is so resourceful. The rhythmic Trochee meter, tempo, cadence and timing all were very helpful in making the reading clear, smooth, fluid and easy.
Also the flow of the rhythm was evident throughout. Near and notable alliteration in
"smoke and sound" and "Lady Lily" Also there were many cacophonous and euphony type sounds in the wording. The rhyming was impressive and neither forced nor labored and helpful in the rhythmic flow but more importantly the rhyming words were contingent to the meaning and concept of each line. The tale goes on and impressively so with the Dragon and Lady Lily try to stop the wizard from getting away. Thank you for sharing and posting and may the Lord be with you always my friend.
Alex
Comment Written 27-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
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Thank you for the wonderful review, Alex. You make me smile with all the nice comments. Thank you. Debi
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You are so sincerely welcome my friend
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
A great continuation of this endeavour.
This is as consistently good as the last entry.
Great use of language and good rhyming scheme at play.
The imagery continues to be vivid and strong.
GMG
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
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Hi there,
A great continuation of this endeavour.
This is as consistently good as the last entry.
Great use of language and good rhyming scheme at play.
The imagery continues to be vivid and strong.
GMG
Comment Written 27-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
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Thank you for continuing with the story. I appreciate the gracious comments. They brighten my day. Thank you. Debi
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Debi,
My goodness, your little brain works overtime getting the syllable count just right, all the while delivering a smash up good poem.
Love the pix and formatting colors.
Such a fast, enjoyable read. Well done.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*:*)
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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
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Hi, Debi,
My goodness, your little brain works overtime getting the syllable count just right, all the while delivering a smash up good poem.
Love the pix and formatting colors.
Such a fast, enjoyable read. Well done.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*:*)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
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Thank you for the great review, Jax. You say such nice things that you make me smile. The last chapter is coming soon. Thank you for stopping by again,, Debi
