Golden Fields of Barley

Angel, where are you now,
      perhaps in hell
      paying for the many depravities
      against a child, your first cousin
and your brother, Jose Luis,
      who betrayed me
      by following your lead
                                       lead
                                            lead
                                                 lead

I heard you got cancer
      and felt guilty for not caring
but sometimes I wonder ….
      what happened to your brother
                                            the bed wetter
                                            the follower
 

Where are the fields of barley
      where I hid from you
      built a safe house of ripe grass
      where you couldn’t find me
                    but you did
                             you did
                                       did
                                           did
                                               did

Why did I feel it was my fault, at five,
where was dad, my champion,
the one to keep me safe and sound …
                                                       sound
                                                               sound
                                                                       sound

he was three doors down 
when you got me alone in your room
playing mommy and daddy
with our clothes on
      …though I was not playing
          I was the keeper of shame
you made Jose Luise do it too
                                           my cousin
                                                         my friend
while you watched

where is my innocence now
maybe, in golden fields of barley