Rosemary for remembrance.
Dying plant contest entry15 total reviews
Comment from apky
"[Y]you are planning to start an indoor garden?"
It signifies remembrance["- delete]. Mrs Razia gave this to me. It is difficult for her to survive in our climate, but you will won't you[+,] dear?"
"you were a terrific father while they were growing up. The boys look up to you even now". And he had hugged her and said, "That was because you were always holding my hand".
~ when you start after the open quote following a full stop[period], the first letter must be capital. In end quotes, the full stop (period) comes before the quote mark.
You need to watch out for those, otherwise your story is great.
Apky
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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"[Y]you are planning to start an indoor garden?"
It signifies remembrance["- delete]. Mrs Razia gave this to me. It is difficult for her to survive in our climate, but you will won't you[+,] dear?"
"you were a terrific father while they were growing up. The boys look up to you even now". And he had hugged her and said, "That was because you were always holding my hand".
~ when you start after the open quote following a full stop[period], the first letter must be capital. In end quotes, the full stop (period) comes before the quote mark.
You need to watch out for those, otherwise your story is great.
Apky
Comment Written 01-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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Thank you very much for writing this detailed review .I have made the corrections.
Comment from Curly Girly
This was an interesting read. I can only hope that the plant does eventually blossom into life because it would make him feel so much better.
I thought this was a fine choice of words to describe death:
Only he had woken up the next day. She had gone on sleeping, the eternal sleep.
Typo:
A gentle smile played on Mathew's lips.[space]So many things
Best wishes in the contest! This is a pleasant story.
CG
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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This was an interesting read. I can only hope that the plant does eventually blossom into life because it would make him feel so much better.
I thought this was a fine choice of words to describe death:
Only he had woken up the next day. She had gone on sleeping, the eternal sleep.
Typo:
A gentle smile played on Mathew's lips.[space]So many things
Best wishes in the contest! This is a pleasant story.
CG
Comment Written 01-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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Thank you very much for your review and i am happy that you liked my story.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I liked and enjoyed your story. The sentiments really come through in the write.
A few things I noticed as I read which I hope are helpful-
It said you were sturdy too". - full stop inside speech marks as you do earlier.
he had asked, "you are planning to start an indoor garden?" - should start with a capital for the dialogue. It may be better phrased as Are you?
She had laughed. "Rosemary for remembrance," she had said laughingly - you don't really need both variations on laugh here.
This plant is rosemary. My name. It signifies remembrance". Mrs Razia gave this to me. It is difficult for her to survive in our climate, but you will won't you dear?" - you have an extra speech mark in the middle here.
neighbour made, had triggered memories of their honey moon - no comma necessary here. Also honeymoon.
"you were a terrific father - You.
holding my hand". - punctuation should be inside.
I take Mrs raza's opinion - Raza's.
"Why not French Marie, he would ask. - need closing speech marks after the comma.
I don't like communists". - punctuation should be inside.
Mathew's lips.So many things - insert a space following the full stop/period.
What Am I saying, Rosemary - What I am saying.
All the best
GMG
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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Hi there,
I liked and enjoyed your story. The sentiments really come through in the write.
A few things I noticed as I read which I hope are helpful-
It said you were sturdy too". - full stop inside speech marks as you do earlier.
he had asked, "you are planning to start an indoor garden?" - should start with a capital for the dialogue. It may be better phrased as Are you?
She had laughed. "Rosemary for remembrance," she had said laughingly - you don't really need both variations on laugh here.
This plant is rosemary. My name. It signifies remembrance". Mrs Razia gave this to me. It is difficult for her to survive in our climate, but you will won't you dear?" - you have an extra speech mark in the middle here.
neighbour made, had triggered memories of their honey moon - no comma necessary here. Also honeymoon.
"you were a terrific father - You.
holding my hand". - punctuation should be inside.
I take Mrs raza's opinion - Raza's.
"Why not French Marie, he would ask. - need closing speech marks after the comma.
I don't like communists". - punctuation should be inside.
Mathew's lips.So many things - insert a space following the full stop/period.
What Am I saying, Rosemary - What I am saying.
All the best
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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Thank you very much for this detailed review. i have mae all the corrections.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks about the dying house plant, all now gone, nothing is immortal, husband's words now comes in mind, rosemary for remembrance, though she smiled a little; I liked.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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This speaks about the dying house plant, all now gone, nothing is immortal, husband's words now comes in mind, rosemary for remembrance, though she smiled a little; I liked.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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Thank you very much
Comment from oliver818
This is a Very nice and powerful story. I liked the way you mixed the story of him and his wife in with the houseplant, very well done. Thanks for sharing and have a great day
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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This is a Very nice and powerful story. I liked the way you mixed the story of him and his wife in with the houseplant, very well done. Thanks for sharing and have a great day
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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Thank you very much.
