Comment from NicciFaye

Excellent

Just like any mother bird or mother that should defend her nest and protection her precious babies. Excellent poem and format. They rhyming is smooth and flows well throughout the piece. A wonderful poem Treischel!

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016

Thank you Nicci.

Comment from Just2Write

Excellent

I've seen a bird do this while I was out walking. We surely can learn many lessons from birds. This one is about a mother's love and responsibility to keep her babies safe. I wish more mothers would behave like that.
The Pantoum works well with its gently repeating lines.
Rose.

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016

Thank you very much Rose. Yes, wouldn't that be nice?

Comment from Pantygynt

Excellent

After all the pantoum sonnets that have been around recently it is good to see a proper pantoum. The form is well suited to the content as the beird repeats her behaviour when danger threatens. You have chosen your end rhymes well with only two ending in other than sibilance. Those two are the beautiful feminine near rhymes achieved with parody and daringly.

S1 line 3 reads "She mimics injury, and does her best".
S4 line 4, should repeat that but has changed slightly to read "She mimics injury, doing her best", and this does not scan iambically as the poetic stress now falls on
ING whereas the natural stress is on DO.

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016

Sure enough. I had caught that in the first instance S1, L3 while I was typing from my draft, but forgot about it when I got to S4, L2. So it was put in o'er my draft version. Thanks for catching

Comment from I am Cat

Excellent

Hi Tom,
I love the pantoum form... and this is just the reason why... so much can be done with it. lovely... just lovely.
Birds are wonderful, aren't they?

Distracting foe by faking her distress.
She squawks, and flops, and raises such a fuss
To show an easy target, with finesse.
Her selflessness makes stalkers curious.

(your first and second lines are especially wonderful here, and the repeating of them before and after, quite effective.)

well done, i loved this!
Cat

 Comment Written 03-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016

Thank you Cat. Yes, I like the fornat a lot too. When done with smooth transitions, they creat a lovely work. When done poorly though, it can be trying to read. It's all in the choice of rhymes and the transitions.

Comment from lightink

Excellent

I love the grammatical variety in the repeat lines! I think this type of poem benefits greatly from that sort of variation! It makes it more of a piece of art as opposed to a set of repeated full sentences! Also, it ends up feeling like a deja-vue - a reoccurring "attack/protection" cycle that happens so often with the poor birdy! Nature is amazing and your poem did justice to this wonderful scene!

 Comment Written 03-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2016

Thank you Jyoti. Your acute assessment made me smile. You are so rights that the art of the Pantoum is in the transitions.

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

How neat that you caught this amazing display by the killdeer! The Pantoum is the perfect form to describe the purpose of its antics. Your repeats, rhymes and use of alliteration are all very effective. Big cheers- Joan

 Comment Written 03-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2016

Thank you Joan. Yes, an interesting bird.

Comment from flylikeaneagle

Excellent

Treischel: great photo and poem to match of the killdeer. It is amazing how the instincts of this bird will distort her feathers and wings to appear wounded. I like the visuals of squawks and hops and makes a fuss. Then, she watches you and leads you away from her precious babies. Some adult mothers need this advice.
I like your repeats, beats and rhymes. You are an amazing writer! flylikeaneagle

 Comment Written 03-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2016

Thank you flylikeaneagle, for the fine review and the compliment.

Comment from Ridley Williams

Excellent

Hello, Treischel,

I appreciated this poem of the Killdeer. We have these birds around our house and down at the local golf course also. It is an amazing site to see these birds in action. When I saw my first one years ago, I actually thought it had an injured wing and tried to catch it before someone pointed out, to me, that it was trying to lead me away form its nest.
Nice work with this Pantoum and its theme of selfless love!
Have a good day, (and hit 'em straight and long, my friend)
Bill

 Comment Written 03-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2016

Thank you Bill. Appreciate your sharing. Been hitting them straight, but not as long as I used to these days.

Comment from BonafidesGMF

Excellent

Treischel,

I not only enjoyed your Pantoum for its' entertainment value, but for its' educational value, as well. This is my first exposure to this format and it certainly presents a challenge. You met that challenge very nicely. My father was an avid bird watcher. On Sunday mornings, while my mother, twin brother and I worshiped in a church, my father was on an early morning bird walk with his binoculars, bird book, and fellow bird watchers, worshiping his own brand of religion in nature. He would have loved your poem, as I do. It is very cool that you provided your own photograph of a Kildeer to complement your poem. I look forward to reading more of your work. Congratulations on a job well done. Keep well.

 Comment Written 03-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2016

Thank you very much BonafidesGMF, for a nice review and sharing your exoerience and your dad's.

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

I enjoyed your poem. Good job with the format. The repeating lines fit in smoothly. I like the story you told. I see no changes. The picture is super. Good job and thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 03-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2016

Thank you jannypan.