Picture Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 224 "On Water Rests"Photograph Inspired Poems
9 total reviews
Comment from Preston McWhorter
Hi, Treischel,
" Water Rests" is a beautiful poem which arouses profoundly deep feelings. The use of the Rondeau form was inspired. The rhyme scheme is followed expertly and the rhymes are excellent. I can only hope that when my ashes are scattered some one will write as good a poem. Thank you for writing this.
Your friend and colleague,
Preston
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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Hi, Treischel,
" Water Rests" is a beautiful poem which arouses profoundly deep feelings. The use of the Rondeau form was inspired. The rhyme scheme is followed expertly and the rhymes are excellent. I can only hope that when my ashes are scattered some one will write as good a poem. Thank you for writing this.
Your friend and colleague,
Preston
Comment Written 17-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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Thank you Preston for such a touching review. I am glad it touched a cord with you and am grateful for the stars.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
This is a lovely poem Tom. I just have one suggestion and that would be to somehow work ashes in, in place of soul. Her soul went to heaven. The ashes are what remains of her body.
Maybe something like...
As her burnt ashes left my hand.
Her essence strewn, to wind conferred,
On water rests.
This is a well executed Roundeau and my suggestion is just that, a suggestion. Use it or not. Well done. Nancy
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2015
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This is a lovely poem Tom. I just have one suggestion and that would be to somehow work ashes in, in place of soul. Her soul went to heaven. The ashes are what remains of her body.
Maybe something like...
As her burnt ashes left my hand.
Her essence strewn, to wind conferred,
On water rests.
This is a well executed Roundeau and my suggestion is just that, a suggestion. Use it or not. Well done. Nancy
Comment Written 13-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2015
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Thank you Nancy. I'll give that some consideration.
Comment from AnnaLinda
Treischel,
Your Rondeau is very spiritual and touching. I am not an expert on the form, however, it reads elegantly. I was particularly intrigued by your transition from
bird to your loved one. This line stands out to me: "So to the air was love transferred, in honor of her dying word." Your refrain: "on water rests" is also
affective and meaningful. I also enjoyed your rhymes.
I think this is deserving of an exceptional rating. Thank you for sharing it.
Linda
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2015
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Treischel,
Your Rondeau is very spiritual and touching. I am not an expert on the form, however, it reads elegantly. I was particularly intrigued by your transition from
bird to your loved one. This line stands out to me: "So to the air was love transferred, in honor of her dying word." Your refrain: "on water rests" is also
affective and meaningful. I also enjoyed your rhymes.
I think this is deserving of an exceptional rating. Thank you for sharing it.
Linda
Comment Written 12-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2015
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Thank you Linda for a wonderfully detailed assessment, and a high rating as well.
Comment from Pantygynt
You make the repeated line into a form of punctuation so that it serve a purpose other than merely the repetitive requirement s of the form. A wayward r has crept into your notes "This poem is a Rondreau". This is carrying repetion a shade too far!
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2015
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You make the repeated line into a form of punctuation so that it serve a purpose other than merely the repetitive requirement s of the form. A wayward r has crept into your notes "This poem is a Rondreau". This is carrying repetion a shade too far!
Comment Written 12-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2015
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Thank you Pantygynt, for the heads up. I have to fix that.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A great Rondeau. The scatter ashes on the water will be remembered and honored in this poem. Although it is usually used for light and whitty poems, the subject still fits the form well with the message you bring.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2015
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A great Rondeau. The scatter ashes on the water will be remembered and honored in this poem. Although it is usually used for light and whitty poems, the subject still fits the form well with the message you bring.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2015
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Thank you Sandra. Yes, it is a lovely form that is good with any subject.
Comment from robyn corum
What a sweet and sentimental write, Tom! I could picture it all, and it made me a bit sad. A good write and I love this form! Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2015
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What a sweet and sentimental write, Tom! I could picture it all, and it made me a bit sad. A good write and I love this form! Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 12-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2015
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Thank you Robyn. Yeah it is a wonderful form.
Comment from artemis53
Beautiful. I was aware as I read this that it was about the spreading of ashes. You most certainly presented not only beauty but respect in your writing for this ritual.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2015
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Beautiful. I was aware as I read this that it was about the spreading of ashes. You most certainly presented not only beauty but respect in your writing for this ritual.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2015
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Thank you Artemis, for a wonderful review.
Comment from Joan E.
What a superb memorial poem! I admired your alliteration of "w's" to add to the intensity of the message, along with your rhymes and refrain. Warm regards- Joan
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2015
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What a superb memorial poem! I admired your alliteration of "w's" to add to the intensity of the message, along with your rhymes and refrain. Warm regards- Joan
Comment Written 12-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2015
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Thank you Joan. I appreciate that.
Comment from mermaids
Your pic of the seagull fits your poetic form. Tears mingle with the waves and sand is a line full of emotion and feeling. Your words also have a spiritual feel to them, the loved ones ashes are returning to nature. Excellent rondreau form, I like the repeating line On water rests.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2015
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Your pic of the seagull fits your poetic form. Tears mingle with the waves and sand is a line full of emotion and feeling. Your words also have a spiritual feel to them, the loved ones ashes are returning to nature. Excellent rondreau form, I like the repeating line On water rests.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2015
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Thank you mermaids. You captured the essence well.
