Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Prologue "Synopsis"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
30 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
This seems like a neat synopsis of something that could become a blockbuster the size of Gone with the Wind. Not having read the novel I can't really be of much use to your project except to point out that just after tellings that the corporal had been killed you tell us that his wife gave birth to their first and only son. Since Dad was dead the only is tautologous here, as indeed is first. Perhaps the best way of getting round this posthumous problem might be to say "gave birth to a son doomed by the act of war to be an only child.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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This seems like a neat synopsis of something that could become a blockbuster the size of Gone with the Wind. Not having read the novel I can't really be of much use to your project except to point out that just after tellings that the corporal had been killed you tell us that his wife gave birth to their first and only son. Since Dad was dead the only is tautologous here, as indeed is first. Perhaps the best way of getting round this posthumous problem might be to say "gave birth to a son doomed by the act of war to be an only child.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from lancellot
It looks like you chose a difficult theme for your novel. But from what I've seen of your writing here you will pull it off. I like the multi-level tales. Wealth, class, race ,and emotions. You seem to hit them all.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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It looks like you chose a difficult theme for your novel. But from what I've seen of your writing here you will pull it off. I like the multi-level tales. Wealth, class, race ,and emotions. You seem to hit them all.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from mumsyone
Hi Barbara,
Sorry I've been so long getting to this review, but I've been without phones and internet service at home for a week! This is the best I can do, using Hardee's WiFi. As always, use what you want and ignore the rest.
At the exact moment of Corporal Bookman's death, his wife,(no comma) Alice,(no comma) delivers their first and only child,
She immediately meets Cash Wilkins, who had been hired by her aunt,(no comma) to restore the mansion to Gothic Revival authenticity.
Nala, the African American maid, and Cash(,) introduce Paige to Billy Joe and his wife,(no comma) Mary Pat. (If this were reversed and said 'Mary Pat, his wife', it would require a comma.)
(On one occasion,) One occasion he takes her fishing,(no comma) and(,) instead of catching fish(,) Paige finds and adopts a stray puppy,(no comma)(puppy she named Morgan).
Paige's four new friends fear for, not only her safety, but Nala's.(Better?: Paige's four new friends fear for her safety as well as for Nala's).
It surprises Paige to discover (that) sixty years after the beginning of the Civil Rights Movement her friendship with Nala causes her hardship.
Internally(,) Cash fights two battles with himself.
Now he must come to the realization that Bradley's (Bradley is) a real ghost.
Eventually, he reveals the hidden treasure and gives Cash the engagement ring,(no comma) which his beloved Alice wore.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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Hi Barbara,
Sorry I've been so long getting to this review, but I've been without phones and internet service at home for a week! This is the best I can do, using Hardee's WiFi. As always, use what you want and ignore the rest.
At the exact moment of Corporal Bookman's death, his wife,(no comma) Alice,(no comma) delivers their first and only child,
She immediately meets Cash Wilkins, who had been hired by her aunt,(no comma) to restore the mansion to Gothic Revival authenticity.
Nala, the African American maid, and Cash(,) introduce Paige to Billy Joe and his wife,(no comma) Mary Pat. (If this were reversed and said 'Mary Pat, his wife', it would require a comma.)
(On one occasion,) One occasion he takes her fishing,(no comma) and(,) instead of catching fish(,) Paige finds and adopts a stray puppy,(no comma)(puppy she named Morgan).
Paige's four new friends fear for, not only her safety, but Nala's.(Better?: Paige's four new friends fear for her safety as well as for Nala's).
It surprises Paige to discover (that) sixty years after the beginning of the Civil Rights Movement her friendship with Nala causes her hardship.
Internally(,) Cash fights two battles with himself.
Now he must come to the realization that Bradley's (Bradley is) a real ghost.
Eventually, he reveals the hidden treasure and gives Cash the engagement ring,(no comma) which his beloved Alice wore.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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Thank you, once again for your wonderful help. I appreciate it.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Like the fact you depicted both flags in this story. The American flag for all it stands for, and the Confederate flag, which also has an extensive historical feature for this country. Also like the fact you tried to keep this from becoming a political statement. Well done.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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Like the fact you depicted both flags in this story. The American flag for all it stands for, and the Confederate flag, which also has an extensive historical feature for this country. Also like the fact you tried to keep this from becoming a political statement. Well done.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Chris Tee
Interesting to read and I think I am not qualified enough to edit any of your brilliant work Barbara.
Let the chapters roll girl. I will read it with pleasure and well done.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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Interesting to read and I think I am not qualified enough to edit any of your brilliant work Barbara.
Let the chapters roll girl. I will read it with pleasure and well done.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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Thank you for leaving this kind review.
Comment from rama devi
Good job on the succinct summary. As per your request for an edit of this, I think the development is fine but noticed quite a few nits and spags and suggestions (some corrections, some optional):
On September 20, 1863, Confederate soldier(,) Corporal BRADLEY BOOKMAN(,) is killed during a Battle of Chickamauga.
* She immediately meets Cash Wilkins, who had been hired by her aunt,(no comma) to restore the mansion to Gothic Revival authenticity.
*One occasion he takes her fishing, and instead of catching fish Paige finds and adopts a stray puppy, Morgan.
Sugest:
On one occasion, he takes her fishing. Instead of catching fish, Paige finds and adopts a stray puppy, Morgan.
*
The mansion is burglarized numerous times and it becomes clear somebody wants the rumored hidden treasure and Paige evicted from the house.
The mansion is burglarized numerous times and it becomes clear somebody wants the rumored hidden treasure as well as Paige evicted from the house.
*
Paige's four new friends fear for, not only her safety, but Nala's.
Suggest:
Paige's four new friends fear for both her and Nala's safety.
*It surprises Paige to discover(,) sixty years after the beginning of the Civil Rights Movement(,) (that) her friendship with Nala causes her hardship.
*
Internally(,) Cash fights two battles with himself.
*after all(,) she's a rich heiress from Boston.
* Eventually, he reveals the hidden treasure and gives Cash the engagement ring, his beloved Alice wore.
Eventually, he reveals the hidden treasure and gives Cash the engagement ring his beloved Alice had worn.
Wish you the best of luck with publishing your book!
Love,
rd
PS Happy to re-rate after spag is fixed.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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Good job on the succinct summary. As per your request for an edit of this, I think the development is fine but noticed quite a few nits and spags and suggestions (some corrections, some optional):
On September 20, 1863, Confederate soldier(,) Corporal BRADLEY BOOKMAN(,) is killed during a Battle of Chickamauga.
* She immediately meets Cash Wilkins, who had been hired by her aunt,(no comma) to restore the mansion to Gothic Revival authenticity.
*One occasion he takes her fishing, and instead of catching fish Paige finds and adopts a stray puppy, Morgan.
Sugest:
On one occasion, he takes her fishing. Instead of catching fish, Paige finds and adopts a stray puppy, Morgan.
*
The mansion is burglarized numerous times and it becomes clear somebody wants the rumored hidden treasure and Paige evicted from the house.
The mansion is burglarized numerous times and it becomes clear somebody wants the rumored hidden treasure as well as Paige evicted from the house.
*
Paige's four new friends fear for, not only her safety, but Nala's.
Suggest:
Paige's four new friends fear for both her and Nala's safety.
*It surprises Paige to discover(,) sixty years after the beginning of the Civil Rights Movement(,) (that) her friendship with Nala causes her hardship.
*
Internally(,) Cash fights two battles with himself.
*after all(,) she's a rich heiress from Boston.
* Eventually, he reveals the hidden treasure and gives Cash the engagement ring, his beloved Alice wore.
Eventually, he reveals the hidden treasure and gives Cash the engagement ring his beloved Alice had worn.
Wish you the best of luck with publishing your book!
Love,
rd
PS Happy to re-rate after spag is fixed.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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I am going to make the corrections in my master copy. That's, to me, where this one really counts. Thank you, I appreciate the help.
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Most welcome, dear. :)
Comment from Sankey
Hi again, me on the cell. Only way we can both review the same chapter. I am glad you brought thus up again. Be good if we could buy this as a e-book. Trying to cut back on dust bugs hehe from real book storage. I wish you well with the publishers.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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Hi again, me on the cell. Only way we can both review the same chapter. I am glad you brought thus up again. Be good if we could buy this as a e-book. Trying to cut back on dust bugs hehe from real book storage. I wish you well with the publishers.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from LIJ Red
Gone With The Wind is after all, a romance, a chick book, a slice of life with no proper ending. What makes it spellbinding is the little side trips and the backstory,
and the immaculate writing skills of Mitchell and her editors. The pace, and the
images make a silk purse out a... There is no reason why your story line can'r be a winner, ghosts and all, if you get the writing right. In reviewing, your synopsis is well done, and story line acceptable as I deduce it from your post.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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Gone With The Wind is after all, a romance, a chick book, a slice of life with no proper ending. What makes it spellbinding is the little side trips and the backstory,
and the immaculate writing skills of Mitchell and her editors. The pace, and the
images make a silk purse out a... There is no reason why your story line can'r be a winner, ghosts and all, if you get the writing right. In reviewing, your synopsis is well done, and story line acceptable as I deduce it from your post.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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I hope the publisher I'm trying to get agrees. LOL thank you
Comment from Realist101
Hi Barb! I honestly see no flaw with this. It's clear and consise, luring us {into} your book. Of course, I haven't read the book, but this makes me want to! I like it. BEST of luck too. x.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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Hi Barb! I honestly see no flaw with this. It's clear and consise, luring us {into} your book. Of course, I haven't read the book, but this makes me want to! I like it. BEST of luck too. x.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sasha
This is an excellent synopsis but I have to be honest, I am the last person on this site to offer any help with spags. I will do the best I can to offer suggestions but understand, I am not the one for spelling, punctuation, or grammar.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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This is an excellent synopsis but I have to be honest, I am the last person on this site to offer any help with spags. I will do the best I can to offer suggestions but understand, I am not the one for spelling, punctuation, or grammar.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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Thank you for the kind review.
