Sins of My Father
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "Open Season"A coming of age story.
11 total reviews
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Gretchen.
This is your best chapter, with excellent dialogue between Rory and Dean. I felt the emotional pull, the difficulty for Dean to share his past with Rory, especially with the understanding that this would change his relationship with his grandfather. You showed Rory's frustration and expressed this as kids would speak, capturing the mood so well.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Hi, Gretchen.
This is your best chapter, with excellent dialogue between Rory and Dean. I felt the emotional pull, the difficulty for Dean to share his past with Rory, especially with the understanding that this would change his relationship with his grandfather. You showed Rory's frustration and expressed this as kids would speak, capturing the mood so well.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 17-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thank you again for the great review and the excellent rating. Gretchen
Comment from padumachitta
Hi. Good continuation, building onthe history of this family. Rory has a chance to learn what is really important...you keep this so in character. padumachitta
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Hi. Good continuation, building onthe history of this family. Rory has a chance to learn what is really important...you keep this so in character. padumachitta
Comment Written 15-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thank you for the great review and the nice comments. Gretchen
Comment from adewpearl
deafening silence - to me that is the worst kind of punishment to suffer
You convey his shame and guilt effectively
What a moving conversation as Dean reveals so much of his family history. I like that he cares so much about his son that he does not want to tell him things that will color the perception of his grandfather and that he is taking away the license not to be cruel but to teach him a valuable lesson.
What a sad way to end their conversation... Brooke
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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deafening silence - to me that is the worst kind of punishment to suffer
You convey his shame and guilt effectively
What a moving conversation as Dean reveals so much of his family history. I like that he cares so much about his son that he does not want to tell him things that will color the perception of his grandfather and that he is taking away the license not to be cruel but to teach him a valuable lesson.
What a sad way to end their conversation... Brooke
Comment Written 14-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thank you for the great review and the nice comments. Gretchen
Comment from LIJ Red
Not having read other chapters, I feel a need for more detail about the sins of the grandfather. I assume there is more in other chapters and if so this is a good read.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Not having read other chapters, I feel a need for more detail about the sins of the grandfather. I assume there is more in other chapters and if so this is a good read.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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This is the second in a series of books. Thank you for the wonderful review. Gretchen
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Dean was smart to wait for Rory to bring it up. He knew the boy would be more receptive to what he had to say! I think the punishment fits the crime and Rory has learned a valuable lesson. Good job. Now we have the big 'C' to deal with! How will Rory react to that news? Good chapter Gretchen. Nancy
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Dean was smart to wait for Rory to bring it up. He knew the boy would be more receptive to what he had to say! I think the punishment fits the crime and Rory has learned a valuable lesson. Good job. Now we have the big 'C' to deal with! How will Rory react to that news? Good chapter Gretchen. Nancy
Comment Written 14-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thank you so much for the wonderful review and the stellar rating. Gretchen
Comment from Sankey
Wow! What a bricks and all chapter. Well done friend. Good reading right through. I started to feel a bit emotional myself in reading. Good work looking forward to the next chapter. God Bless.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Wow! What a bricks and all chapter. Well done friend. Good reading right through. I started to feel a bit emotional myself in reading. Good work looking forward to the next chapter. God Bless.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thank you for the wonderful review and the nice comments. Gretchen
Comment from Jay Squires
This is the way I've grown to expect Dean to act, despite his putting his fist through the wall (I believe it was his fist), which set the reader up for the contrast between expectations and results.
What strikes me as odd, [no comma needed after odd]
I just didn't-," he sighs and looks down. [There's some strange punctuation going on here. Dean's not being interrupted, so a double dash isn't called for (though you have a strange single dash and a comma). I would suggest a three dot ellipsis since the next line begins with "I wait".
Great unexpected ending.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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This is the way I've grown to expect Dean to act, despite his putting his fist through the wall (I believe it was his fist), which set the reader up for the contrast between expectations and results.
What strikes me as odd, [no comma needed after odd]
I just didn't-," he sighs and looks down. [There's some strange punctuation going on here. Dean's not being interrupted, so a double dash isn't called for (though you have a strange single dash and a comma). I would suggest a three dot ellipsis since the next line begins with "I wait".
Great unexpected ending.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thank you so much for the punctuation lesson. I often get confused with that sort of stuff. Thank you for the wonderful review. Gretchen
Comment from Righteous Riter
I can feel the tension between Rory and his dad. The silence of Rory's dad speak volumes. Clear, intense dialogue that display the emotion of the characters. Nice, steady pace leading to a conclusion filled with some bad news.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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I can feel the tension between Rory and his dad. The silence of Rory's dad speak volumes. Clear, intense dialogue that display the emotion of the characters. Nice, steady pace leading to a conclusion filled with some bad news.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thank you for the great review. Gretchen
Comment from Cin
Great Chapter - again well paced - characters are very 3 dimensional/believable - down to earth and dealing with real-life issues and your pulling it off nicely.
You know what a liar is, (Ror)?" - not sure if this is an abbreviation or a typo
Dialogue between Rory and his father is so meaningful and the underlying message valuable.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Great Chapter - again well paced - characters are very 3 dimensional/believable - down to earth and dealing with real-life issues and your pulling it off nicely.
You know what a liar is, (Ror)?" - not sure if this is an abbreviation or a typo
Dialogue between Rory and his father is so meaningful and the underlying message valuable.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thank you for the great review and the nice comments. Gretchen
Comment from Misrael
Well I have to agree with Rory's dad that the punishment fits the crime and Rory had that coming after what he did. But the news about his Grandma is something that no one deserves. Not the person with cancer and not the family either. Keep up the good work.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Well I have to agree with Rory's dad that the punishment fits the crime and Rory had that coming after what he did. But the news about his Grandma is something that no one deserves. Not the person with cancer and not the family either. Keep up the good work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thank you for the wonderful review and the nice comments. Gretchen
