Sins of My Father
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "A Matter of Trust"A coming of age story.
7 total reviews
Comment from Donald O. Cassidy
I thionk you inrrosuxw Boyd as a rival for Rory French, as he comesbetween him and Cassie.
This is skillful and brings in suspense and excitement about who will win teh girls.
Narration is life0-like. Granddad deals down-to-earth with granson Rory.
Rory is showing soe emotion i his crying, but maybe it's oka with gramps.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
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I thionk you inrrosuxw Boyd as a rival for Rory French, as he comesbetween him and Cassie.
This is skillful and brings in suspense and excitement about who will win teh girls.
Narration is life0-like. Granddad deals down-to-earth with granson Rory.
Rory is showing soe emotion i his crying, but maybe it's oka with gramps.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
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Thank you for the great review. Gretchen
Comment from Sankey
Another great chapter. Really getting into all this. Thanks for a great ride brings back so many memories of my similar years. I don't think I was as "cool" as Rory though.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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Another great chapter. Really getting into all this. Thanks for a great ride brings back so many memories of my similar years. I don't think I was as "cool" as Rory though.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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Thank you for your enthusiastic support and the wonderful review. Gretchen
Comment from Misrael
Some girls are real suckers for the good looking guys and they don't seem to see what jerks they are and how they could get hurt. keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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Some girls are real suckers for the good looking guys and they don't seem to see what jerks they are and how they could get hurt. keep up the good work.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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Girls always think they are either the exception to the rule or they will be the one to change the bad boy. Unfortunately, most times things go awry. Thank you so much for the wonderful review. Gretchen
Comment from DanielEkine
I like this read from the author. It is brilliant. Steamy in a way; I like the fact that she smiled when he bruised her boobs reaching for her locks. Brilliant concept. Great job. Definitely, the Sins of my Father. Brilliant concept. Great control of SPAG command.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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I like this read from the author. It is brilliant. Steamy in a way; I like the fact that she smiled when he bruised her boobs reaching for her locks. Brilliant concept. Great job. Definitely, the Sins of my Father. Brilliant concept. Great control of SPAG command.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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Thank you for the great review. Gretchen
Comment from beccabuzek
I really like these type of stories...the real-life kind....however, I think it could have elaborated just a tad more on Kathleen...
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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I really like these type of stories...the real-life kind....however, I think it could have elaborated just a tad more on Kathleen...
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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Kathleen has been dealt with more in depth in previous chapters. Since this isn't a stand alone piece I didn't elaborate. Thank you for the great review. Gretchen
Comment from Jay Squires
A good chapter, Gretchen. God, I wish he could see through Cassie. Not that she's evil, or anything, but she's playing with his emotions. I'm not privy to her thoughts and feelings. I am Rory. Excuse me if I'm a little protective.
A few things I've picked out.
His parents are gong away for the weekend [going away]
I mean, every body's talking about it." [everybody's talking...]
as I walk past. [suggest you use another phrase here since you used that very one the previous sentence.
Your dialogue with teens seems (I'm no real expert) to feel "right". It gives your chapter a lot of authenticity.
in the interests of consistency, I had to deduct a star, but when you correct the nits, let me know and I'll return it. Okay? Of course suggestions aren't counted, just nits. I still would like to hear about them as well.
By the way, did I miss a chapter? What happened about his date with Cassie, that he damaged the car in preparation for?
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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A good chapter, Gretchen. God, I wish he could see through Cassie. Not that she's evil, or anything, but she's playing with his emotions. I'm not privy to her thoughts and feelings. I am Rory. Excuse me if I'm a little protective.
A few things I've picked out.
His parents are gong away for the weekend [going away]
I mean, every body's talking about it." [everybody's talking...]
as I walk past. [suggest you use another phrase here since you used that very one the previous sentence.
Your dialogue with teens seems (I'm no real expert) to feel "right". It gives your chapter a lot of authenticity.
in the interests of consistency, I had to deduct a star, but when you correct the nits, let me know and I'll return it. Okay? Of course suggestions aren't counted, just nits. I still would like to hear about them as well.
By the way, did I miss a chapter? What happened about his date with Cassie, that he damaged the car in preparation for?
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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He hasn't had his date. That is coming up. He hasn't even worked up the nerve to really ask her out. We all meet our share of Cassie's but until you get burned you just sit, mesmorized by the pretty. Love that you are into his character. The dialogue is as authentic as I can get it. I have a sixteen year old, a fourteen year old and one getting ready to turn thirteen. I hear it all. It's quite an education I can tell you. If I write something and my kids shake their heads or say, no one would talk like that, I go back and change it. Went back and fixed the nits. Thanks for your eagle eye. It sure helps to have someone else looking out for me.
Comment from Stellar Stories
Outside of what I took to be a minor typo"Does you daddy know?" I think this is good. It held my attention and I'd like to know more. I didn't get lost in the dialog which sometimes is problematic.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Outside of what I took to be a minor typo"Does you daddy know?" I think this is good. It held my attention and I'd like to know more. I didn't get lost in the dialog which sometimes is problematic.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Thank you for the wonderful review. Gretchen
