Comment from martha france cannon

Excellent

I'm a new member and I went back and read the previous chapters. Good reading. The plot is good as we know the story will be leading us, the reader on an adventure. The characters help make a story and the characters in this story are good. Your dialogue is good and the tag lines help make the flow of read easy. Your wording is descriptive and colorful.
The one thing I noticed in this chapter concerns the character Mary Pat and when the treasure item. You wrote-pearl and diamond brooch. Mary Pat said "aren't these beautiful." I am a bit confused-was there two brooches. I think maybe I have let the picture of the one brooch trick me. Good job.

 Comment Written 04-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2014

Thank you for dropping by and leaving the kind review.

Comment from leslief1952

Excellent

Very interesting. Having just come into the story with this chapter, I'm not sure what's going on, but what you have here makes me want to read more. I'm curious about what/who Cash is speaking to/with.

Good grammar/mechanics and very good use of dialogue.

Thanks for posting.

 Comment Written 04-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 04-Jun-2014

Cash is speaking with a Civil War ghost. Thank you for dropping by and leaving a kind review.

Comment from N.K. Wagner

Excellent

Short and sweet. This segment lets everyone breathe before we discover more information about the treasure, Cash proposes, and Bradley leaves the living to their own lives. Well done, Barbara. :) nancy

 Comment Written 04-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 04-Jun-2014

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Comment from abbasjoy

Exceptional

I love that," A gray smoky mist followed him." There goes Bradley. He has to get his last little jab in, because of course Cash doesn't believe in ghosts. What a hoot!
Yes, it's high time Cash proposed, and I am sure Paige will be accepting, otherwise she is either blind or not smart, and we know she is neither.
Love Amos' accent; it's very real. In fact all the characters are quite rounded.
Great job!

 Comment Written 03-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2014

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Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Second review


:-)))




First review (FOUR stars)


Hi dear--I think I missed the last chapter. Couple of edits on the previous post:


"Please(,) God, show dem men da way. Amen.(,)" Amos prayed.

This chapter is extremely well paced with a swift and flowing style. Great dialog--authentic and also well paced. Good use of action tags to enhance the scene. I felt like I was there. Drew me in.

NOTES

Paige sat back and watched Amos, his friends, Mary Pat, Nala, and Billy Joe search through the treasure.

I'm not exactly sure sure why, but this is awkward. suggest:

Paige sat back and watched Amos and his friends, Mary Pat, Nala, and Billy Joe search through the treasure.

*
"Just letting you know the skeleton is (skeleton's) a male.

* From the remnants of clothing(,) we're guessing young(--)and probably been down there for about twenty to thirty years. Hopefully(,) the forensic pathologist can work some magic."

* Paige ran her fingers through her long hair, (and) then stood.

Using bold for Bradley's voice works fine, though I think publishers might like italics better--just a thought.

Great chapter--just needs some fine tuning on minor issues--happy to revisit, as you know... :)

Love,
rd

PS I am back in India now. Ma be able to review a bit more than the last few months--but not like previous years...just FYI... in case you were wondering why I've been missing chapters...

 Comment Written 03-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2014

Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. I needed time to make the changes. The reason I have Bradley's words in bold is because he's a ghost and I use italics for thought. Anyway, I am almost done and I am sure my editor will tell what to do with Bradley's speech. Thank you for taking time to help me.

reply by rama devi on 07-Jun-2014

Sure, dear. The use of bold makes sense. Glad you have an editor! Love, rd

Comment from Tegan1311

Excellent

A really great and intriguing chapter. I will definitely take a look at previous chapters. I liked the ending more than the beginning. It was more mysterious and makes me want to read on.

 Comment Written 03-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2014

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Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

Barbara this was a fun read...I especially liked Cash going upstairs followed by a gray smoky mist....Bradley. I like the art work...I thought the skeleton might be Bradley but that wouldn't fit ...so sad to die hunting treasure.
Well done
God bless

 Comment Written 03-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2014

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Comment from jadapenn

Excellent

Lol, looks like Cash is being cajoled to do something about Paige. This Bradley is a real friendly ghost. I liked this chapter. Now at least the treasure is all sorted together with the skeleton. Hope the house is still sturdy. luv jada

 Comment Written 03-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2014

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Comment from arnie47

Excellent

I haven't read every chapter, arrived late to the story, but this is a nice climax tying up everything for the ending. Well done.

 Comment Written 03-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2014

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Comment from Norbanus

Exceptional

I love the your story, Barbara. You have created delightfully unique characters, and an excellent plot. You've given them a treasure, a body and tunnel under the house collapsing. I can't wait to see how you wrap all that up in one more segment. The six is for the overall story. It's great. Give Morgan a scratch behind the ear for me.

 Comment Written 03-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2014

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