Sins of My Father
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Mommie Dearest"A coming of age story.
10 total reviews
Comment from Sankey
WOW! Getting more and more exciting! Good writing that rhymes too ha! N9o spags or suggestions this time. Just keep em coming ok!
reply by the author on 28-May-2014
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WOW! Getting more and more exciting! Good writing that rhymes too ha! N9o spags or suggestions this time. Just keep em coming ok!
Comment Written 14-May-2014
reply by the author on 28-May-2014
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Thank you for the great review. Gretchen
Comment from Donald O. Cassidy
Your skill in this chapter continues in good fiction
With this I get a new clue your progress relates directly to your title of the book, "Sins of My Father."
If I got it straight, the name Kathleen stikes terror to you and your chances at a social acceptance.
I think events will happen thick and fast. Suspense is already present.
reply by the author on 05-May-2014
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Your skill in this chapter continues in good fiction
With this I get a new clue your progress relates directly to your title of the book, "Sins of My Father."
If I got it straight, the name Kathleen stikes terror to you and your chances at a social acceptance.
I think events will happen thick and fast. Suspense is already present.
Comment Written 04-May-2014
reply by the author on 05-May-2014
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Thank you for the wonderful review and the nice comments. Gretchen
Comment from Spiritual Echo
I really like these two characters. there's an honesty between them that I hope lasts or survives, whatever the case, but I feel the father loves his son dearly.
reply by the author on 05-May-2014
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I really like these two characters. there's an honesty between them that I hope lasts or survives, whatever the case, but I feel the father loves his son dearly.
Comment Written 03-May-2014
reply by the author on 05-May-2014
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Thank you for the great review and for seeing the subtleties I was trying to infuse into the story. Gretchen
Comment from Sefiros
Wow. The stripper is his mother? Nice twist. I did not see that coming. It added a layer of tension to the conversation, but you should say the stripper is Rory's mom much earlier. I thought Rory was just afraid of being caught in the night club and his friend was being a pervert, but to actually see his friend wanting to bone the mother makes a whole lot more sense. Just put something like: "I wonder if Taylor will still think that way if he knew Kathleen's my mom." that hammers the point early on and carries along the chapter. good luck.
reply by the author on 06-May-2014
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Wow. The stripper is his mother? Nice twist. I did not see that coming. It added a layer of tension to the conversation, but you should say the stripper is Rory's mom much earlier. I thought Rory was just afraid of being caught in the night club and his friend was being a pervert, but to actually see his friend wanting to bone the mother makes a whole lot more sense. Just put something like: "I wonder if Taylor will still think that way if he knew Kathleen's my mom." that hammers the point early on and carries along the chapter. good luck.
Comment Written 01-May-2014
reply by the author on 06-May-2014
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Mommy is a pole dancer, how many kids can say that? LOL. thank you for the wonderful review. Gretchen
Comment from Jay Squires
You know I love Rory and Dean and the whole gang. Your novel is always such a comfortable read.
Just a few notes:
"Man, French, could she be any hotter." he says. [Even if Rory doesn't consider it a question, if it's posed as a question, shouldn't it have a question mark? Just asking. Also, there's another question/non question without a mark: "Man, can you imagine looking down into those eyes."]
All I want to do is throw up.
[Love it!]
Just for clarification: Cissy is Cecilly Diamonds, who is Kathleen Gedes, correct? Was the reason Dean went ballistic because her actual name was on the marquee as well?
Jay
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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You know I love Rory and Dean and the whole gang. Your novel is always such a comfortable read.
Just a few notes:
"Man, French, could she be any hotter." he says. [Even if Rory doesn't consider it a question, if it's posed as a question, shouldn't it have a question mark? Just asking. Also, there's another question/non question without a mark: "Man, can you imagine looking down into those eyes."]
All I want to do is throw up.
[Love it!]
Just for clarification: Cissy is Cecilly Diamonds, who is Kathleen Gedes, correct? Was the reason Dean went ballistic because her actual name was on the marquee as well?
Jay
Comment Written 01-May-2014
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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I wasn't sure about the question marks so I let it go. I do think it needs one though. Thanks for the great review and the nice comments. Gretchen
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Poor Rory, What a burden he has been saddled with in his young life. The teen years are painful enough without all these added shameful things being added.
And Dean, Now he has to worry about her showing up at work. What fun! What can they do? Cecilly would love to get even if she had the chance. LOL Good Job. Nancy
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Poor Rory, What a burden he has been saddled with in his young life. The teen years are painful enough without all these added shameful things being added.
And Dean, Now he has to worry about her showing up at work. What fun! What can they do? Cecilly would love to get even if she had the chance. LOL Good Job. Nancy
Comment Written 01-May-2014
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Thanks for the wonderful review and the funny comments. Gretchen
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Gretchen.
This is a great chapter and such a difficult predicament for Rory. To see his mother's picture on display and have his friend gawking makes it even worse. You've done a great job showing this, and showing Rory's discomfort and concerns.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Hi, Gretchen.
This is a great chapter and such a difficult predicament for Rory. To see his mother's picture on display and have his friend gawking makes it even worse. You've done a great job showing this, and showing Rory's discomfort and concerns.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 01-May-2014
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Thanks so much for the wonderful review. Gretchen
Comment from Misrael
Uh oh this does not sound good at all and I hope for Rory Jr that things don't get to bad. But it does not look good for any of them. Good read and keep up the good work. P.S. I look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Uh oh this does not sound good at all and I hope for Rory Jr that things don't get to bad. But it does not look good for any of them. Good read and keep up the good work. P.S. I look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 01-May-2014
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Thank you for the great review and the nice comments. Gretchen
Comment from Norbanus
Heck of a good job of using dialogue to carry the story, GW.
The only nits I could find to pick is a couple of coma splices:
I can't answer, all I can do is stare.(Comma splice. It should be a semicolon or two sentence.)
Some were old and worn out flyers dating back to last year, but as luck would have it, Taylor happens upon the one new one, you guessed it, featuring Kathleen Gedes. .(Comma splice. It should be a semicolon or a new sentence starting at 'You guessed it...))
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Heck of a good job of using dialogue to carry the story, GW.
The only nits I could find to pick is a couple of coma splices:
I can't answer, all I can do is stare.(Comma splice. It should be a semicolon or two sentence.)
Some were old and worn out flyers dating back to last year, but as luck would have it, Taylor happens upon the one new one, you guessed it, featuring Kathleen Gedes. .(Comma splice. It should be a semicolon or a new sentence starting at 'You guessed it...))
Comment Written 01-May-2014
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Commas are the bane of my existence. LOL. Thank you for pointing them out. Thank you for the great review. Gretchen
Comment from padumachitta
Hi Poor kid, man , can't think of much worse than a stripper for a mom, in a small town. I have nothing against strippers...but, I am not a teenage boy, trying to get through high school...
His dad kind of blew him off...but I figure soemthing is gonna happen...
padumachitta
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Hi Poor kid, man , can't think of much worse than a stripper for a mom, in a small town. I have nothing against strippers...but, I am not a teenage boy, trying to get through high school...
His dad kind of blew him off...but I figure soemthing is gonna happen...
padumachitta
Comment Written 01-May-2014
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Thank you for the great review and with the French's you never know what I going to happen. Gretchen
