Comment from roshnishaikh

Good

Well the poem is scary enough to be a great 100 word horror! I never knew about the history on ventriloquists. The author notes is informative and is written in a way that inspires the readers to venture into the subject more. All in all, a great read!

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 Comment Written 22-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014

Thank you, roshnishaikh. I'm glad that you liked it...I think? Perhaps, given time, you could offer suggestions in the future to warrant a better rating. Was it spelling, punctuation or the subject matter that docked it the two stars. Of course, you understand that it IS for a horror poem prompt, right? So, in accordance with the contest rules, it had to be a horror topic involved.

In any event, it's a good practice to tell the poet/author why you decided to deduct stars, so that they may correct it and improve the writing. It's always nice to know, and not have to guess.

reply by roshnishaikh on 22-Apr-2014

Yes. I will make it a point to do this from now on. Yes, it definitely does justice to the theme. Things like "House manager came" could have been written in a better way. I understand that the constraint of "100 words" leaves you at a loss of choosing the words you want to. Still, this is where I felt, the poem coudl have been better. Hope this answers your guessing work :) Keep writing!

reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014

It does, and thanks very much for letting me know. Now I still have time to go back to the drawing board to fix it before the contest begins, but barely.

Thanks again.

reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014

I've made some revisions, roshnishaikh, based upon your suggestion. If you feel like reading and upgrading it if you find that it's better, I would really appreciate it. If not, well, that's okay too. I see you have one 5-7-5to your credit in your portfolio, which I will be reviewing very soon. Thanks again for your thoguhtful suggestions. I feel it does read much better now, and I hope you will, too.

reply by roshnishaikh on 22-Apr-2014

Hi :)

I have crossed the limit for reviews today. You should have retained the italics for salutations etc. to make it sound like something extraordinary. It does leave an effect. Yes, please leave your review on my 5-7-5 haiku. It would be helpful. Also please follow my work/become a fan if you wish to. Thank you.

reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014

I will, and thanks again.

reply by roshnishaikh on 22-Apr-2014

Welcome!

Comment from Atul Saxena

Excellent

One of the best poetry of this genre I've ever read. Exceptional use of words and excellent framing. Deserves to be in top-10

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 Comment Written 22-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014

Wow, that's quite a compliment, Atul, I sincerely appreciate that, my friend. I'm really glad that you enjoyed this horror prompt entry. Thanks again!