Comment from CALLAHANMR

Exceptional

Hi Barbara:)
More great dialog as the search for Paige gies on. Now Morgan has become ominously silent as the old tunnels continue to crumble from years of neglect. Are Paige and Morgan victims of a cave in? We will soon know, but it seems more likely that they have found a way out and Morgan has calmed down.

Love and Irish Hugs for keeping the tension high in this error-free post.

Roger

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014

Thank you for the kind review and dropping by.

Comment from Leonardo Wild

Excellent

Hi Barbara,

It isn't confusing, as you suggest in your comment. It is clear that it is part of an on-going action, and I took it that way. Sometimes I like to check if when reading something from wherever, it keeps me engaged and wondering what's going to happen next. You managed to do this. A clear subtext of something that's about to happen, managed by wondering what happened to the mutt.

Good job.

Suggestions:
--Fallen rocks, spiders' webs, and bat feces were all he saw.

I'm not sure if it should be:
>>Fallen rocks, spiders' webs, and bat feces was all he saw.<<

--The two men, who came with Amos's walked around searching for clues.
>>The two men, who came with Amos, walked around searching for clues. <<

--Cash patted Amos's shoulder.
>>Cash patted Amos' shoulder. <<


--Cash patted Amos's shoulder.
When your word ends in an "s" you should not add another "S" after the apostrophe.

-- Billy Joe shook his head, but grinned. "Females!"
I'm not sure whether the use "Females!" would be right for the context. But it struck me that they may simply say, as today: "Women!"

--He hesitated then continued, "Cause Bradley's ...
>>He hesitated, then continued, "Cause Bradley's ...<<

--"Do ya know where each leads too?" Billy Joe pointed to each passage way.
>>"Do ya know where each leads to?" Billy Joe pointed to each passage way.<<
One "o" too many.

--He pointed to the right on. "Whoa! Wait! ...
>>He pointed to the right one. "Whoa! Wait! ...<<
An "e" missing.

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 27-Apr-2014

Thank you for the time you took to give me such a detailed review. I appreciate it.

reply by Leonardo Wild on 27-Apr-2014

You're welcome, Barbara. That's what we're here for. I'll try to get to the rest soon, just been too bloody busy with some deadlines.

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

How timely for me to catch a piece of your novel, since I just returned from a trip to the South. I enjoyed your use of dialog and unusual photo of "painted fingernails" plus your notes to help readers who haven't followed previous chapters. Your use of regionalisms adds to the realism as you lead us down the tunnel. Well done- Joan

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014

Thank you for the kind review and dropping by.

Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

Thanks for the pleasure of reading another enjoyable chapter of your story. Every chapter is smooth flowing, well paced, and fun to read. :-)

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014

Thank you for the kind review and dropping by.

Comment from thequeencatalyst

Excellent

Hi there! Although I haven't read the previous chapters, it's easy to tell what the main character's struggle is :) Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014

Thank you for the kind review.

Comment from Janie King

Excellent

I'm wondering if you are actually goingto let the boys or any of them ctually see Bradley. I guess I just have to wait and see. Good chapter.God. loves you an so do I.

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014

Thank you for the kind review and dropping by.

Comment from Cumbrianlass

Excellent

Good plot progression. I think you did very well on the dialogue, which is quite challenging, given the dialect/accent.

Love the little twist/hook at the end.

Well done, Barbara.

Av

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014

Thank you for the kind review and dropping by.

Comment from Writingfundimension

Excellent

Great action in this chapter, Barbara. I admire how well you are able to write the dialogue for the African American character. It sounds believable to me! I'm beginning to think that Billy Jo is one of the most stubborn men ever born. Looking forward to the next.

Warmest regards, Bev

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014

Thank you for the kind review and dropping by. I agree about Billy Joe, but he's a sweetie too.

reply by Writingfundimension on 22-Apr-2014

You're very welcome, Barbara. :0) Bev

Comment from emrpoems

Excellent

You havae kept the tension and suspense flowing so that the reader is engaged all the time. An enjoyable read.
Great dialogue and dialect

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014

Thank you for the kind review.

Comment from Gert sherwood

Exceptional

Hi Barb I enjoy giving you a six or this chapter. I loved the way Amos was taking, and your cliff hanger was great
Now what?

I'm in suspense.

Gert

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014

Thank you for the kind review and dropping by.