Comment from nelliesellie

Excellent

I LOVE THE STORY. My guess is this guy is a high ranking government official. Possibly the president. This guy seems to be living in the Land of Oz. His poor dog seems to try bringing him out of it. Great work.

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014

He is actually a bathroom attendant as stated in authors notes. have a great day!

Comment from Nosha17

Excellent

A well written short piece of prose that fit the bill, it fit into the contest requirements very well. You made good use of language in the narrative and descriptions and read very well. Enjoyable read, good luck in the contest. Faye

 Comment Written 20-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014

Thanks Faye it was fun to write.

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

moths, had napped - drop the comma
you set the stage and the mood well in your opening and introduce the narrator effectively
testies - testes
mullet-capped scalp - add the hyphen
good humor - dear Lord help us if we ever end up with a President like this guy :-) Brooke

 Comment Written 20-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014

thanks for the help. Will revise. Happy Easter! It's a long shot but stranger things have happened. (president?)Ha!