Tragedy
Pain has no borders.27 total reviews
Comment from Karen B.
So true and timely in the light of recent tragedies around the world that have affected us all. Well written entry into the contest. Best wishes with it!
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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So true and timely in the light of recent tragedies around the world that have affected us all. Well written entry into the contest. Best wishes with it!
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thank you for reviewing.
Comment from Willowsong
This is a poignant piece that expresses how tragedy can bring a world torn apart together for a solid cause. It's written with a wonderful flow and keeps within the parameters of the Naani pattern. Lovely addition of the woodwork to compliment. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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This is a poignant piece that expresses how tragedy can bring a world torn apart together for a solid cause. It's written with a wonderful flow and keeps within the parameters of the Naani pattern. Lovely addition of the woodwork to compliment. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're most welcome :)
Comment from juliaSjames
Something a little off with the metaphor. How does a single heart bleed in unity? Poetic licence doesn't come into play here.
Would be an easy fix, I think. And since naani means the expression of one and all, it might even improve the poem to state
"the hearts of humanity
bleed in unity"
I like the message of empathy of this write. I think it's true that we feel the pain of others.
Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Something a little off with the metaphor. How does a single heart bleed in unity? Poetic licence doesn't come into play here.
Would be an easy fix, I think. And since naani means the expression of one and all, it might even improve the poem to state
"the hearts of humanity
bleed in unity"
I like the message of empathy of this write. I think it's true that we feel the pain of others.
Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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I wanted to reflect that we gather together forming one human heart. Thanks for review. I tried to further clarify by inserting a dash.
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In that case, perhaps change unity to unison?
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That is a great idea but I think it's too late, already up for vote. do you know whether or not that is allowed?
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No rule against changes - it's your choice.
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Thanks, I did change it to unison. Thanks again.
Comment from MizKat
Hi Poet,
I think you did a top notch job in writing your wonderful Naani poem. I like what you said in it and wish you the best in the writing prompt entry.
MizKat
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Hi Poet,
I think you did a top notch job in writing your wonderful Naani poem. I like what you said in it and wish you the best in the writing prompt entry.
MizKat
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from adewpearl
excellent pairing of art and poem, which is in excellent syllable and line count for the naani
good use of optional rhyming
excellent alliteration in heart of humanity and tear at a time
a most thoughtful look at the way we as a society respond to life's tragedies, and there are so many of them
Brooke
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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excellent pairing of art and poem, which is in excellent syllable and line count for the naani
good use of optional rhyming
excellent alliteration in heart of humanity and tear at a time
a most thoughtful look at the way we as a society respond to life's tragedies, and there are so many of them
Brooke
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from rjuselius
"In the wake of tragedy
the heart of humanity
bleeds in unity
one tear at a time."
such a profound social commentary in so few words! i enjoyed your poem, thank you for sharing!
good luck in the contest!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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"In the wake of tragedy
the heart of humanity
bleeds in unity
one tear at a time."
such a profound social commentary in so few words! i enjoyed your poem, thank you for sharing!
good luck in the contest!
rebekka x
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thank you for the kind review. Glad you enjoyed.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Nicely descriptive Naani, syllables are spot on. Loved your ability to weave with words Picasso's tragedy. Especially liked: bleeds with unity, one tear at a time.
Thanks for sharing it and good luck.
Maureen
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Nicely descriptive Naani, syllables are spot on. Loved your ability to weave with words Picasso's tragedy. Especially liked: bleeds with unity, one tear at a time.
Thanks for sharing it and good luck.
Maureen
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the kind review.
Comment from royowen
A well written naani, a good entry in this poetic contest. This says a lot in this difficult and limiting poetic type. This has to be a chance in this competition! Well done, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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A well written naani, a good entry in this poetic contest. This says a lot in this difficult and limiting poetic type. This has to be a chance in this competition! Well done, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from annp
This is a great contest entry
the message and the emotion in so few words
it is just such a pity that it sometimes takes a tragedy to create unity
a lovely read
good luck
annp
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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This is a great contest entry
the message and the emotion in so few words
it is just such a pity that it sometimes takes a tragedy to create unity
a lovely read
good luck
annp
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Righteous Riter
This piece meets the criteria of the Naani poem as this piece does not exceed 25 syllables. Good alliteration with heart/humanity...tear/time. Good complimentary photo followed by a clear message.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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This piece meets the criteria of the Naani poem as this piece does not exceed 25 syllables. Good alliteration with heart/humanity...tear/time. Good complimentary photo followed by a clear message.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thank you for the detailed review.
