Wrinkles
coming home ... to say goodbye ...92 total reviews
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Sharyn - how life unfolds through our journey. You have so much blended emotion in this one. Also had pockets of my mother:) I liked the sense of conversation between the two, as I age I find myself accepting the twists and turns my own journey gives me. Reading this was a glimpse into your own.
Skillfully penned, liked the imagery and emotion - it was thought provoking my friend.
Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
  |
Dear Sharyn - how life unfolds through our journey. You have so much blended emotion in this one. Also had pockets of my mother:) I liked the sense of conversation between the two, as I age I find myself accepting the twists and turns my own journey gives me. Reading this was a glimpse into your own.
Skillfully penned, liked the imagery and emotion - it was thought provoking my friend.
Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
Comment Written 20-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
-
Bless you - again - Maureen! :)S
Comment from adewpearl
Effective use of personification
good touches of alliteration
good assonance in know I'm home and plodding clock and cluttered/flutters
vivid, mood-creating detail of setting
a stunningly poignant closing
your poetic portrait has taken my breath away, my first six of the week :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
 |
Effective use of personification
good touches of alliteration
good assonance in know I'm home and plodding clock and cluttered/flutters
vivid, mood-creating detail of setting
a stunningly poignant closing
your poetic portrait has taken my breath away, my first six of the week :-) Brooke
Comment Written 20-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
-
a SIXER from Brooke!!! Wow! Thank you so much my dear - I know how much reviewing you do, so I'm honored.
Blessings,
Sharyn
Comment from Righteous Riter
Good description that paints a clear picture in my mind and allow me to feel the impact of the words written. Good alliteration with smooth/surrounding...lives/lived...peach/plaster...fussed/flowered...seams/screams/silent/save...much/my/mother...creepers/crawling...greenly/gardened...lush/lonely...her/hands...worry/wrinkles. Good eye catching photo followed by a clear message.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
|
Good description that paints a clear picture in my mind and allow me to feel the impact of the words written. Good alliteration with smooth/surrounding...lives/lived...peach/plaster...fussed/flowered...seams/screams/silent/save...much/my/mother...creepers/crawling...greenly/gardened...lush/lonely...her/hands...worry/wrinkles. Good eye catching photo followed by a clear message.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
-
thx so much RR! :)S
Comment from DR DIP
Interesting write Viz, interesting write indeed. Interesting line format. the image helps to set the theme I feel. great use of metaphors, great descriptive lines.
took me a couple of reads to get the gist and theme but I
do like it
dip
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
|
Interesting write Viz, interesting write indeed. Interesting line format. the image helps to set the theme I feel. great use of metaphors, great descriptive lines.
took me a couple of reads to get the gist and theme but I
do like it
dip
Comment Written 20-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
-
thx so much dip! :)S
Comment from kiwisteveh
You haven't labelled this as biography and I have been fooled by such things before, but it does have the intensely personal feel about it...
What a vivid portrayal of the unravelling of a life with the strong contrast between the manicuredness of before and the MissHavishamness of your return - all captured so wonderfully in the symbolic wrinkles.
Steve
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
|
You haven't labelled this as biography and I have been fooled by such things before, but it does have the intensely personal feel about it...
What a vivid portrayal of the unravelling of a life with the strong contrast between the manicuredness of before and the MissHavishamness of your return - all captured so wonderfully in the symbolic wrinkles.
Steve
Comment Written 20-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
-
I don't ever put too much in author notes, Steve - then you get the sympathy sixes, which aren't exactly what I'm aiming for. (And if you tell me yours is a sympathy six I'll personally come to NZ and search you out!)
But, seriously, yes, it's very autobiographical - my mother is slowly sliding away ... not THAT slowly at the moment. And staying in Miss Havisham's house is very much the experience.
Blessings, as always.
Sharyn
Comment from LadyCosgrove
Love the use of 'darkling'. Anyone who knows a little Keats will be thrilled to see it here.
You portray the echoes of decay and the sense of history so clearly. The images you describe are etched in my mind as though I were there.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
|
Love the use of 'darkling'. Anyone who knows a little Keats will be thrilled to see it here.
You portray the echoes of decay and the sense of history so clearly. The images you describe are etched in my mind as though I were there.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
-
Thought I'd beard the lions in the den before 'they' told me it wasn't a word LC - if Keats could use it, then so can I, right? Thx so much for your lovely reading, review, and, of course, for your lovely six!
:)Sharyn
-
Absolutely right! LOL
Besides there are many who claim to know everything, without knowing what 'everything' means.
LC
Comment from rouskin
Brilliant and beautiful. I admire everything you have encompassed in this masterful piece Thank you for sharing
Blessings, Rouskin
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
|
Brilliant and beautiful. I admire everything you have encompassed in this masterful piece Thank you for sharing
Blessings, Rouskin
Comment Written 20-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
-
Thank you so much for your lovely reading, and for your wonderful six rouskin!
:)Sharyn
Comment from comanalbert
I like the brave heartbeat of a plodding clock. It a standalone message that adds significance to the overall message. Yet, such a sad ending, solving the wrinkles after she's gone...Really enjoyed it though!
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
|
I like the brave heartbeat of a plodding clock. It a standalone message that adds significance to the overall message. Yet, such a sad ending, solving the wrinkles after she's gone...Really enjoyed it though!
Comment Written 20-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
-
thx so much albert! :)Sharyn
Comment from Pegcook
I like the imagery in the phrases "even the landscape stood at attention" "heartbeat of one plodding clock" and "only the cobwebs stir with her breath" and "cluttered brain flutters". This poem made me cry.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
|
I like the imagery in the phrases "even the landscape stood at attention" "heartbeat of one plodding clock" and "only the cobwebs stir with her breath" and "cluttered brain flutters". This poem made me cry.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
-
Bless you Peg, for your sensitive reading and interpretation, and, of course, for your wonderful six. So much appreciated. I'm sorry I made you cry - but at the same time, I'm also honored.
Blessings,
Sharyn
Comment from the blue pixel
I first took in the overall presentation of your work Sharyn and found it to be visually fascinating and enticing. Your piece reminded me of my grandmother who had plastic on her lounge suite always. You stuck to it in summer and slipped off it in winter but the picture you paint is of a far sadder scene. One I can imagine could apply to some old English movie -far more intriguing and mysterious than my grandmother's lounge room. "Even the landscape stood at attention" sounds like a wonderful opening line to a novel and the way you use the surroundings as an analogy for your mother (for I assume you are talking about her) was kind of sinister, eerie, stuck in a time warp, if that makes any sense.
Everything seems starched, un-moving, emotionless. I so hope I am not being offensive in any way for I certainly don't mean to be. There was a stillness, a sad lonely stillness in a world to which you don't belong, where no child could ever really belong and an understanding that once your mother is gone, she will knowingly set you free to let things be the way she knows they should be for you and she is quietly happy in this knowing.
I may be way off the mark here and saying things so out of line that I am in danger of hurting your feelings and if I prayed, that's what I would be doing now as hurting your feelings is the last thing I want to do. Knowing you have just returned from visiting your mother, has taken my imagination to the places I felt you led me by your remarkable words. This piece would make an excellent beginning to a novel as I already said, one I would just have to read but whether this is more a figment of your imagination or based on your reality, your writing never ceases to amaze me. I just couldn't help but feel the decay and see the slight movement of cobwebs that tremble with an old woman's breath. Forgive me if I have said anything I shouldn't have and please accept my six for this astounding piece of writing. So rarely do I find someone whose words are paint brushes, stroking the page and walking the reader through a story as surely as if I had been there with you. Wonderful, wonderful work. xx Carol
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
|
I first took in the overall presentation of your work Sharyn and found it to be visually fascinating and enticing. Your piece reminded me of my grandmother who had plastic on her lounge suite always. You stuck to it in summer and slipped off it in winter but the picture you paint is of a far sadder scene. One I can imagine could apply to some old English movie -far more intriguing and mysterious than my grandmother's lounge room. "Even the landscape stood at attention" sounds like a wonderful opening line to a novel and the way you use the surroundings as an analogy for your mother (for I assume you are talking about her) was kind of sinister, eerie, stuck in a time warp, if that makes any sense.
Everything seems starched, un-moving, emotionless. I so hope I am not being offensive in any way for I certainly don't mean to be. There was a stillness, a sad lonely stillness in a world to which you don't belong, where no child could ever really belong and an understanding that once your mother is gone, she will knowingly set you free to let things be the way she knows they should be for you and she is quietly happy in this knowing.
I may be way off the mark here and saying things so out of line that I am in danger of hurting your feelings and if I prayed, that's what I would be doing now as hurting your feelings is the last thing I want to do. Knowing you have just returned from visiting your mother, has taken my imagination to the places I felt you led me by your remarkable words. This piece would make an excellent beginning to a novel as I already said, one I would just have to read but whether this is more a figment of your imagination or based on your reality, your writing never ceases to amaze me. I just couldn't help but feel the decay and see the slight movement of cobwebs that tremble with an old woman's breath. Forgive me if I have said anything I shouldn't have and please accept my six for this astounding piece of writing. So rarely do I find someone whose words are paint brushes, stroking the page and walking the reader through a story as surely as if I had been there with you. Wonderful, wonderful work. xx Carol
Comment Written 20-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
-
Carol, you warm my heart totally, my dear and yes, you are SPOT ON! This trip back 'home' was to give my sister some relief as my mother's health has reached a crisis point. She has dementia and is rattling around in a big empty death trap of a house - and my memories of growing up are exactly as written - don't wrinkle the chairs! (and yes, we had God awful Victorian reproduction furniture - the whole damned bit). I have 2 sisters. We both loathe this house, but to her, it's 'perfect'. Your reading is so spot on that I'll share an optional last verse with you, though the piece itself is probably better off without it:
Outside, Autumn sighs and moves to winter,
then to spring. I cry, throw back the curtains,
and let the sunlight in.
It makes me sound rather heartless, which I'm not, but there's a certain sense of freedom in it.
I'm honored by your reading, your praise, and of course your lovely six! (And you will NEVER hurt my feelings by being honest and exquisitely sensitive. I thank you for that, too).
Blessings,
Sharyn
