The Crypt of Hubbard Hayle
Some happinesses money just can't buy.49 total reviews
Comment from Spitfire
Although this is a clichéd opening, you've done fine work with the characters in terms of personality and colloquial speech patterns. Danny is set up as a prankster which leads one to believe that Timmy might not take anything scary that happens so seriously. Looking forward to hearing more.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
  |
Although this is a clichéd opening, you've done fine work with the characters in terms of personality and colloquial speech patterns. Danny is set up as a prankster which leads one to believe that Timmy might not take anything scary that happens so seriously. Looking forward to hearing more.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
-
Thank you, Shari, I am very glad that you liked the story as a whole. I certainly appreciate you taking the time to read and review it for me. Much obliged!
Comment from LovnPeace
Well, I'll go along with it so far dean. It seems innocent enough until someone gets hurt which I feel will happen. We'll see how far I get. Blessings. Barbara ps: I have a low tolerance for stupidity, but these are kids.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
|
Well, I'll go along with it so far dean. It seems innocent enough until someone gets hurt which I feel will happen. We'll see how far I get. Blessings. Barbara ps: I have a low tolerance for stupidity, but these are kids.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
-
Yes, they are just kids, and we all know that kids can do some pretty dumb things, lol. Well, perhaps I'm just speaking for myself, not for all kids.
Thanks for reading and reviewing the story for me, LovnPeace. I do appreciate it, very much.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Great start to this scary story, love the two characters, we can just see them to-ing and fro-ing with your words.Danny seeming to have the upper hand at the moment. Yes, I'm looking forward to more from these two. Just one thing I wondered - couple a' old cum (scum?) bags
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
|
Great start to this scary story, love the two characters, we can just see them to-ing and fro-ing with your words.Danny seeming to have the upper hand at the moment. Yes, I'm looking forward to more from these two. Just one thing I wondered - couple a' old cum (scum?) bags
Comment Written 21-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
-
Thanks so much for your very kind review, Pearl. I truly appreciate it!
Comment from Muffins
You pulled me in with the first two sentences ,so I had to read through. The kid characters are fresh and represent how kids act and don't think- that's what gets them into so much trouble. I want to find out why Danny likes to scare people so much, what's his home life like. Enjoyed reading this very much.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
 |
You pulled me in with the first two sentences ,so I had to read through. The kid characters are fresh and represent how kids act and don't think- that's what gets them into so much trouble. I want to find out why Danny likes to scare people so much, what's his home life like. Enjoyed reading this very much.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
-
Thank you very much, Muffins. I'm really glad that you enjoyed part one of this story. I truly appreciate your more than kind review and generous rating, my friend!
Comment from NicciFaye
Awesome DEAN! You know am such a fan of your work. I can honestly say that I've read other writers who've come on FS temporary to write horror but none have hung in there and compared to you. This is excellent and I looking forward to the next chapter!
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
|
Awesome DEAN! You know am such a fan of your work. I can honestly say that I've read other writers who've come on FS temporary to write horror but none have hung in there and compared to you. This is excellent and I looking forward to the next chapter!
Comment Written 21-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
-
Well, that's such a nice thing to say, Nicci, I am truly honored that you feel that way. Thanks for the awesome rating and most generous review, my friend. I appreciate that!
Comment from thequeencatalyst
Hi there! I loved the dialogue in this piece, it was riveting and flowed smoothly. I can't spot anything that I would edit :) Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
|
Hi there! I loved the dialogue in this piece, it was riveting and flowed smoothly. I can't spot anything that I would edit :) Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 21-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
-
Thanks, Jasmine, I am very pleased to know that you enjoyed reading part one. No editing, particularly in my case, is always a welcome thing to hear, lol.
Thanks so much again.
Comment from Domino 2
I rarely review prose, Dean, as I've said before - my attention spell isn't too good.
I did skip through this, as it's you, and you sure can write skilfully with top use of grammar and punctuation, IMHO.
I also particularly like the realistic vernacular dialogue between the friends, and the 'sealing of the bond'.
Excellent use of as few speech tags as possible, as it's already obvious who is talking.
Here's a sixer which I hope will help for extra exposure, my talented friend.
Best wishes, Ted.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
|
I rarely review prose, Dean, as I've said before - my attention spell isn't too good.
I did skip through this, as it's you, and you sure can write skilfully with top use of grammar and punctuation, IMHO.
I also particularly like the realistic vernacular dialogue between the friends, and the 'sealing of the bond'.
Excellent use of as few speech tags as possible, as it's already obvious who is talking.
Here's a sixer which I hope will help for extra exposure, my talented friend.
Best wishes, Ted.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
-
Wow, Ted! Imagine my delight and surprise when I saw a review from one of my favorite poets, one who usually reviews poetry rather than prose. I'm deeply grateful, my friend, and that means a great deal to me. Thanks for the outstanding rating and very kind review. I sincerely appreciate it!
-
Thanks for your wonderful reply, Dean.
Ray ('Ted')
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, dean, you did an excellent job writing this first part of a story that sounds like it will be scary and interesting. i enjoyed reading this one...
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
|
this is very well written, dean, you did an excellent job writing this first part of a story that sounds like it will be scary and interesting. i enjoyed reading this one...
Comment Written 21-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
-
Thanks for your review, sweet.
Comment from Twilightspire
Excellently written as usual, my friend. The idiom you chose to use for the main characters was perfect. It showed just enough young'un and just enough snot to read perfectly.
The fact that most of the story was in dialogue helped bolster the piece in my mind. It was a great way to show the characteristics of both characters and get the plot across without having to revert to overindulgent storytelling.
I found one little tense mistake:
Timmy Milton swiped at the ass of his jeans to dislodge all the dirt, wood chips, and other debris he's gotten on them from falling on his over-sized butt.
-Replace "he's" with "he'd"
A great start. I can't wait to see where this story goes.
-T.J.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
|
Excellently written as usual, my friend. The idiom you chose to use for the main characters was perfect. It showed just enough young'un and just enough snot to read perfectly.
The fact that most of the story was in dialogue helped bolster the piece in my mind. It was a great way to show the characteristics of both characters and get the plot across without having to revert to overindulgent storytelling.
I found one little tense mistake:
Timmy Milton swiped at the ass of his jeans to dislodge all the dirt, wood chips, and other debris he's gotten on them from falling on his over-sized butt.
-Replace "he's" with "he'd"
A great start. I can't wait to see where this story goes.
-T.J.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
-
Thanks, T.j., I can't wait to see where the characters take us myself, lol. I made the correction, my friend, I really appreciate you catching that.
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Wow! This is a gripping tale.
So often "besties" lead you down the wrong path before you see
The light.
Sadly I feel Timmy is about to embrace the darkness and all it
Holds.
Clever and thoughtful plotted and so well written.
Ok! I admit it I look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
|
Wow! This is a gripping tale.
So often "besties" lead you down the wrong path before you see
The light.
Sadly I feel Timmy is about to embrace the darkness and all it
Holds.
Clever and thoughtful plotted and so well written.
Ok! I admit it I look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
-
Hah, and I look forward to bringing it to you, seken58. I certainly am grateful for your gracious comments and most generous review, my friend. I'm really glad that you enjoyed the story most of all.
Thanks so much again!
-
You are very welcome.
