Chosen Profession Part-2
A private detective tries to escape from an elevator shaft.30 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
Interesting conclusion. I did not see that one coming, but is this really the end or do you plan on expanding this into a Hit man adventure series. It seems like a good way to go.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Interesting conclusion. I did not see that one coming, but is this really the end or do you plan on expanding this into a Hit man adventure series. It seems like a good way to go.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thanks a lot for your comments, kind words, and generous review. I struggle with first person, and so I started this story to force myself to get better. I hated it at first, but it grew on me as I went along. So then, I started leaving open ends everywhere, and thought if enough reviewers liked it, I could expand. I appreciate you taking time to read my story. Thanks, Ric. :-)
Comment from emrpoems
Good story plan that keeps the story moving a a steady pace and also keep the reader interested.
Good use of dialogue. Created good imagery
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Good story plan that keeps the story moving a a steady pace and also keep the reader interested.
Good use of dialogue. Created good imagery
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I apologize for the language. I don't like it, but I keep hearing over and over from people advising me that I have to challenge myself to make it better and realistic dialog. I'm never going to be comfortable with it, and truthfully, this is at the upper edge of my limits. Many Thanks. :-)
Comment from Ekim777
This piece presents a common place situation;. There is always an army of sinister, shadowy personalities, hiding in the wings to protect that edifice that is our civilization. The situation is as contrary as the multitudes of slaves needed to support the democracies of Greece and Rome. The falsity of the situation where men and women need sacrifice their identities and even their lives so that a rotten society can survive. How can any society survive when it is rotten from within and life is cheap. As literature, it makes for an uncanny situation and we are mystified but the unreality of it all, spreads like a plaque. Let us just sit back and enjoy the horror of it all. -Ekim777
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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This piece presents a common place situation;. There is always an army of sinister, shadowy personalities, hiding in the wings to protect that edifice that is our civilization. The situation is as contrary as the multitudes of slaves needed to support the democracies of Greece and Rome. The falsity of the situation where men and women need sacrifice their identities and even their lives so that a rotten society can survive. How can any society survive when it is rotten from within and life is cheap. As literature, it makes for an uncanny situation and we are mystified but the unreality of it all, spreads like a plaque. Let us just sit back and enjoy the horror of it all. -Ekim777
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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I wish I could disagree, but unfortunately, my ideas come from what I see and hear around me. No one every thought Rome could destroy it's self, but it did. Thanks for taking time to read my story. Your comments and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Zue65
Well this is really exciting, although the theme had been explored in movies, you have given a stamp of your own into the story. The protagonist is a character worth following,and finding what he's going to do, to escape the clutches and control of the man without mercy. An exciting read.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Well this is really exciting, although the theme had been explored in movies, you have given a stamp of your own into the story. The protagonist is a character worth following,and finding what he's going to do, to escape the clutches and control of the man without mercy. An exciting read.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. More of a 40s and 50s style, I wanted to see if readers liked it enough to expand. Glad you like it. :-)
Comment from akulkumol
A situation of distress with no alternatives to choose, only obey the unknown professional's order. Who were the killers or the master could get it. The helplessness can be felt very vividly, but was expecting something more reading the first part. It seems the story ended too abruptly. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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A situation of distress with no alternatives to choose, only obey the unknown professional's order. Who were the killers or the master could get it. The helplessness can be felt very vividly, but was expecting something more reading the first part. It seems the story ended too abruptly. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Yes, I left it open ended so that I could expand it into a book if readers liked the 40s and 50s style. Thanks so much for taking time to read my story. Your comments and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Dom G Robles
I love the story. I enjoyed reading it from beginning to end.
It is well written. Although, I missed the first part, I believe it is, as well as good as this story. There is nothing more I can say about it, but I'm glad I had come across this piece. My sincerest congratulations. Dom
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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I love the story. I enjoyed reading it from beginning to end.
It is well written. Although, I missed the first part, I believe it is, as well as good as this story. There is nothing more I can say about it, but I'm glad I had come across this piece. My sincerest congratulations. Dom
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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I can't thank you enough for you kind words and excellent review. Ratings are nice, but there is nothing that makes me happier than for a fellow writer to say they love one of my stories. Your kind words have made my weekend. Thanks. :-)
Comment from DonandVicki
The story ends in this chapter with the reader wanting more. This is quite the thriller and the story moves at quite a quick pace. I love it. Don
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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The story ends in this chapter with the reader wanting more. This is quite the thriller and the story moves at quite a quick pace. I love it. Don
Comment Written 18-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much, Don, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I listed parts 1 and 2 at the same time because one sets up the other. I always try to keep things open ended so that they can be expanded later. Like the 40's and 50's style. Thanks. :-)
Comment from Showboat
Hi Ric,
Well, this certainly could be a novel. Excellent opportunity to just go right on with it, as you've piqued the curiosity of the readers, for sure.
This piece of dialogue, below, is a bit stilted. In a situation where they're looking for someone so dangerous they're going to shoot him, this seems just a bit too wordy. I also know you're passing on info to readers who did not read the previous chapter in order to catch them up. Expository dialogue. Listen to it in your mind as you read it aloud and you'll hear what I mean.
"It's hard for me to imagine this foreign son-of-a-bitch being this damn stupid. He doesn't seem to understand a word of anything, so I guess he hasn't even figured out that we have evacuated the building and how nasty it's about to get in here."
Make this one a novel!
Hugs,
Gayle
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Hi Ric,
Well, this certainly could be a novel. Excellent opportunity to just go right on with it, as you've piqued the curiosity of the readers, for sure.
This piece of dialogue, below, is a bit stilted. In a situation where they're looking for someone so dangerous they're going to shoot him, this seems just a bit too wordy. I also know you're passing on info to readers who did not read the previous chapter in order to catch them up. Expository dialogue. Listen to it in your mind as you read it aloud and you'll hear what I mean.
"It's hard for me to imagine this foreign son-of-a-bitch being this damn stupid. He doesn't seem to understand a word of anything, so I guess he hasn't even figured out that we have evacuated the building and how nasty it's about to get in here."
Make this one a novel!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment Written 18-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much, Gayle, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, generous review, and suggestions are greatly appreciated. Yes, I was trying to give too many details to anyone who didn't read part 1. I changed it to: He doesn't have a clue what's going on . . . can't understand a word. Just get his stupid ass out of here . . . quick, before the shooting starts. I hope this sounds better. (I know it should be quickly, but the cop doesn't.) Thanks. :-)
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Is there any reason why you don't see this as a novel? Reason I ask is that you've set up such a hook in what would only be one book chapter that I wonder why not give it a try.
Oh well, you know me!
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Gayle, my kind, encouraging friend. I saw it as a possible book when I started writing it and I left everything open ended to do just that. If, enough people liked it. Then, before I finished it, I was sorry I'd forced myself trying to get better with first person. I just don't think I'm at the level of accomplishing it, yet. I have two other book ideas that I've had since I was a child, and both will be better than this one. I'm a chicken and feel like I still have a long way to go. You have helped my confidence enormously, but we both know that I'm not where I need to be. I appreciate you, and I hope it won't be long before I can pull it off. I've only submitted three short pieces to newspapers, and surprisingly one was printed. When I joined FS a few months ago, I didn't know a noun from a verb. I'm in a hurry to get good, but not to embarrass myself. I appreciate YOU, and can't wait to have you help me write a book. One I hope we'll both be proud of being a part. Thanks, my friend, Ric. :-)
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Alrighty, now that's some good strong dialogue that's realistic to the ear. Very good! Plus, in dialogue the speaker can use slang, double negatives, the whole bit.
Comment from Auroraboreal800
I like this interesting plot and characters, I think you created a good dialog and believable scenario. Very well written story.
GREAT job Ric!
:)
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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I like this interesting plot and characters, I think you created a good dialog and believable scenario. Very well written story.
GREAT job Ric!
:)
Comment Written 18-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Thanks so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I'm glad you liked it. :-)
Comment from Writingfundimension
You portray very well a man forced into making a decision that seems to go against his moral fiber, but to which he has no choice. Very well done, and a fine conclusion. :0) Bev
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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You portray very well a man forced into making a decision that seems to go against his moral fiber, but to which he has no choice. Very well done, and a fine conclusion. :0) Bev
Comment Written 18-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Thanks so much, Bev, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I struggle with first person, so what better way to improve but make myself do it. Thanks. :-)
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I haven't done much with first person for the reason, as you say, that it is more challenging. I admire your attitude of just 'doing it'. Looks good to my eye.
:0) Bev
