Travelling-(short poem)
catching a plane3 total reviews
Comment from crystal brandon
Hi my name is crystal brandon.i loved your story.I'm giving you five starsplease checkkout my lovepoem on my profile on fanstory called true loves first kiss and my 5_7_5 contest poem entry called linglostprincess of scotland.
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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Hi my name is crystal brandon.i loved your story.I'm giving you five starsplease checkkout my lovepoem on my profile on fanstory called true loves first kiss and my 5_7_5 contest poem entry called linglostprincess of scotland.
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Comment Written 14-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Thank you
Comment from Starlit Ink
We are approaching the travel season, so this short poem is timely. Even thought most traveling is for fun, there are often many emotions involved. You captured these emotions, with a sense of adventure, in few words. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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We are approaching the travel season, so this short poem is timely. Even thought most traveling is for fun, there are often many emotions involved. You captured these emotions, with a sense of adventure, in few words. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Thank you
Comment from The Death
Hi, mystery poet.
A good poem about the holiday excitement.
The reasons for lower rating are:
Firstly, your poem has 16 words, but the prompt allows the use of maximum 15 words.
Tearful good-bye as lovers part,
excited families going on holiday,
travelling to their chosen destination.
There is a lack of good flow in this poem. The use of commas doesn't necessarily connects two distinct lines.
All the the three lines are distinct, so you should have used period in place of commas, or shouldn't have opted for punctuation.
Suggestion:
Tearful good-bye as lovers part.
Excited families going on holiday
to their chosen destination.
It like its simplicity and nice theme. It would be better if you re-frame the first line to have more relevance with the other two.
Best of luck!
Regards,
Anupam
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Hi, mystery poet.
A good poem about the holiday excitement.
The reasons for lower rating are:
Firstly, your poem has 16 words, but the prompt allows the use of maximum 15 words.
Tearful good-bye as lovers part,
excited families going on holiday,
travelling to their chosen destination.
There is a lack of good flow in this poem. The use of commas doesn't necessarily connects two distinct lines.
All the the three lines are distinct, so you should have used period in place of commas, or shouldn't have opted for punctuation.
Suggestion:
Tearful good-bye as lovers part.
Excited families going on holiday
to their chosen destination.
It like its simplicity and nice theme. It would be better if you re-frame the first line to have more relevance with the other two.
Best of luck!
Regards,
Anupam
Comment Written 14-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Hi
Thanks for your review-Is good-bye counted as two words? I thought it was one. If this is so I will have to drop the word travelling.
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You may even have goodbye, without the hyphen.
But, keep any two lines interconnected for better flow. :)
