The Hero Falls
Revealing the fallacy of a child's view of their parent.95 total reviews
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Willowsong,
This is an excellent entry for the 5/7/5 poetry contest. Your choice of artwork befits your write to a tee. It always amazes me how volumes can be spoken in just a few words. Your poem does that!
Well done!
I see that you are fairly new to FanStory .... welcome! Poetry is a great way of expressing your emotions and beginning a healing process. Hope you enjoy FanStory!
Connie
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2014
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Willowsong,
This is an excellent entry for the 5/7/5 poetry contest. Your choice of artwork befits your write to a tee. It always amazes me how volumes can be spoken in just a few words. Your poem does that!
Well done!
I see that you are fairly new to FanStory .... welcome! Poetry is a great way of expressing your emotions and beginning a healing process. Hope you enjoy FanStory!
Connie
Comment Written 26-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2014
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Thank you for your kind words and wonderful review. I appreciate you taking the time to read my piece and share your thoughts with me. Also, thank you for the warm and inviting welcome to FS. I am looking forward to exploring and expressing the art of poetry here. Cheers! :-)
Comment from emrpoems
Good alliteration --behind/bars, her/heart, betrayed/by, love/longing
Captivating presentation with the use of a bleeding heart.
perfect syllable count for he prompt
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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Good alliteration --behind/bars, her/heart, betrayed/by, love/longing
Captivating presentation with the use of a bleeding heart.
perfect syllable count for he prompt
Comment Written 24-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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Thank you kindly for such a wonderful review of my piece. Your opinion is truly admired and appreciated, friend.
Comment from nicholsjen
Wow so much depth in so few words awesome,thanks for this.I only would ask you to consider changing steel bars, with something else that might be considered cold or heartless.The poem comes alive though just as it is;your decision,just an idea.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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Wow so much depth in so few words awesome,thanks for this.I only would ask you to consider changing steel bars, with something else that might be considered cold or heartless.The poem comes alive though just as it is;your decision,just an idea.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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Thank you for your honest and objective thoughts and the wonderful rating. I chose those words specifically because the person it refers to is actually locked away in prison at this time, nonetheless, your opinion is well received.
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Great to hear from you,Thanks for responding.
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But of course! I appreciate any and all commentary, especially if it pertains to my growth as a writer...cheers! :-)
Comment from Righteous Riter
Behind cold, steel bars
Her heart betrayed by his love
Longing for embrace
Good complimentary photo. The syllable count is spot on. Good alliteration with behind/bars...her/heart...betrayed/by...love/longing. Clear message that is short and simple.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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Behind cold, steel bars
Her heart betrayed by his love
Longing for embrace
Good complimentary photo. The syllable count is spot on. Good alliteration with behind/bars...her/heart...betrayed/by...love/longing. Clear message that is short and simple.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
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Thank you for the excellent review, friend. Your opinion is much appreciated :-)
Comment from amada
You use very effective words in this 5-7-5 poem. I can hear the sad emotions you are going through today. I wish you the best tomorrow. Keep writing!
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2014
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You use very effective words in this 5-7-5 poem. I can hear the sad emotions you are going through today. I wish you the best tomorrow. Keep writing!
Comment Written 23-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2014
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Thank you for your perceptive opinion. I appreciate the great review and rating :-)
Comment from dinobi
The author may have mistook a senryu for a haiku poetry....the form, style and format was a haiku but the poetic message was not...the haiku...All the same, a fairly written poem
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
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The author may have mistook a senryu for a haiku poetry....the form, style and format was a haiku but the poetic message was not...the haiku...All the same, a fairly written poem
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
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I appreciate your opinion, thank you.
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Thanks for appreciating my opinion
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You're welcome.
Comment from Millibrad
Of course, you know you will survive and most likely move on to better and truer relationships. That's the nature of life if we don't get in our own way. Your poem is well constructed and a worthy contest entry. Good luck in the contest and in your life.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
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Of course, you know you will survive and most likely move on to better and truer relationships. That's the nature of life if we don't get in our own way. Your poem is well constructed and a worthy contest entry. Good luck in the contest and in your life.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
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Thank you for your kind and uplifting words and for such a lovely review. Cheers!
Comment from chicken scratch love
This certainly seems to be a harsh reality, as you described. I wish it were in the format of a larger poem...#1 so the reader could get more from it...#2 so the writer could get more off their chest. But nonetheless, a terrific 5-7-5 and I wish you the very best with the entry AND the situation! God Bless...thanks for the share.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
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This certainly seems to be a harsh reality, as you described. I wish it were in the format of a larger poem...#1 so the reader could get more from it...#2 so the writer could get more off their chest. But nonetheless, a terrific 5-7-5 and I wish you the very best with the entry AND the situation! God Bless...thanks for the share.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts and the great review. Part of the reason I chose this for the contest is because I didn't want to enclose the emotion within parameters but leave the possibilities for relation open to the individual reader. A second reason, is that it is a sensitive subject to speak about and I'm not quite sure I'm ready for a full disclosure poem on the subject. Perhaps one day, I will be able to expound upon it and re-release it in the future for I certainly have more to get off my chest.
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Absolutely! That's a very healthy outlook!
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I kindly Thank you :-)
Comment from yarnteller
Heroes, after all, are still human, with all its frailties and shortcomings. Betrayal and separation by bars is not enough for this love to die. Few words with a deep meaning. Enjoyed the read, and like you, I also am new to Fanstory. Good luck.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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Heroes, after all, are still human, with all its frailties and shortcomings. Betrayal and separation by bars is not enough for this love to die. Few words with a deep meaning. Enjoyed the read, and like you, I also am new to Fanstory. Good luck.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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Thank you kindly for sharing your thoughts and the wonderful rating. You're absolutely right about the love never dying. I will always hold a deep respect and care for my father, though the current circumstances have certainly altered my image of him. I've spent my whole life admiring and looking up to him only to now remove the rose colored spectacles and see him as the fallible human he is. Sometimes, reality hits hard and just takes time to adjust to the new situation. I hope you're enjoying FS as much as I am. Cheers!
Comment from kiwisteveh
Hi and welcome to FanStory - I hope you find what you're looking for here.
Your little 5-7-5 poem is full of the ache of betrayal and what a contrast you have between the heart longing to be embraced and the stark separation of the bars.
Good luck in the contest.
Steve
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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Hi and welcome to FanStory - I hope you find what you're looking for here.
Your little 5-7-5 poem is full of the ache of betrayal and what a contrast you have between the heart longing to be embraced and the stark separation of the bars.
Good luck in the contest.
Steve
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much for your positive feedback. You understood the message of the poem quite well :)
