Sins of My Father
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Kathleen's visit"A coming of age story.
9 total reviews
Comment from Sankey
Another good chapter. When your notes come in about a new chapter I normally go back to where I left off seeing I originally picked you up way ahead of the start. No Spags this time.
reply by the author on 11-May-2014
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Another good chapter. When your notes come in about a new chapter I normally go back to where I left off seeing I originally picked you up way ahead of the start. No Spags this time.
Comment Written 11-May-2014
reply by the author on 11-May-2014
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Thank you for the great review. Gretchen
Comment from Spiritual Echo
Don't think you have to respond to all these reviews, as a matter of fact, I may not respond to all of the chapters until I catch up to the present either.
You're really doing an excellent job in setting the characters firmly in place and flushing out the past and present relationships.
not a single spag to date.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2014
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Don't think you have to respond to all these reviews, as a matter of fact, I may not respond to all of the chapters until I catch up to the present either.
You're really doing an excellent job in setting the characters firmly in place and flushing out the past and present relationships.
not a single spag to date.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2014
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Thank you for the great review. Gretchen
Comment from Jay Squires
and don't bother answering when I ask if you can guess who the other dancer is. [Again, the personal, warm feeling that tells me you are talking directly to me.
I have my first problem here: It has to do with perception. Rory perceived (and told us) that his father was figity around Kathleen and gave her moon eyes (Of course I'm paraphrasing) but the description made me feel Dean loved her so much that she made him nervous as he oggled her. I got an entirely different image in this chapter.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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and don't bother answering when I ask if you can guess who the other dancer is. [Again, the personal, warm feeling that tells me you are talking directly to me.
I have my first problem here: It has to do with perception. Rory perceived (and told us) that his father was figity around Kathleen and gave her moon eyes (Of course I'm paraphrasing) but the description made me feel Dean loved her so much that she made him nervous as he oggled her. I got an entirely different image in this chapter.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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No, Dean never loved Kathleen. It is she who moons over him, ignoring Rory altogether. These two characters are from the previous novel The 'Shine Baby. Kathleen only has eyes for Dean. It is not reciprocated. Kathleen does make Dean nervous and he fidgits when she is around. Thanks for the great feed back. Gretchen
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I can see where I went wrong. It was Rory describing her, not Dean! Make one little wrong turn. Life and literature can be unforgiving.
Comment from Gladness
No spags, lots of good writing. Would like to have heard a bit more of the visit, though there was enough to get the picture. This poor boy has many unanswered questions. Will he get any answers?
I like the "down to earth" way it is written. Good dialog.
Antia
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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No spags, lots of good writing. Would like to have heard a bit more of the visit, though there was enough to get the picture. This poor boy has many unanswered questions. Will he get any answers?
I like the "down to earth" way it is written. Good dialog.
Antia
Comment Written 03-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Thank you for the great review and the nice comments. Gretchen
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Gretchen.
Your story is building well. The characters each have their own personalities and issues. Kathleen and her sister Cecilly add a hint of mystery to the story. Dean's reaction is well shown as is Rory's to their visit.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Hi, Gretchen.
Your story is building well. The characters each have their own personalities and issues. Kathleen and her sister Cecilly add a hint of mystery to the story. Dean's reaction is well shown as is Rory's to their visit.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 02-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Thank you for the wonderful review. Gretchen
Comment from Muffins
Secretive, vague characters with a tangled twisted relationship makes for a juicy story. Your characters are alive and real. The son is the only normal one in the group of adults wrestling with issues only a year on a couch could fix. Lovely to read.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Secretive, vague characters with a tangled twisted relationship makes for a juicy story. Your characters are alive and real. The son is the only normal one in the group of adults wrestling with issues only a year on a couch could fix. Lovely to read.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Thank you for the insightful and wonderful review. Gretchen
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Young Rory has to be confused. He certainly has a messed up family. He has a lot to live down and kids can be so cruel. I wonder if they bully him at school. I hope Dean didn't make a mistake keeping him. We will fond out. Well done. Nancy
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Young Rory has to be confused. He certainly has a messed up family. He has a lot to live down and kids can be so cruel. I wonder if they bully him at school. I hope Dean didn't make a mistake keeping him. We will fond out. Well done. Nancy
Comment Written 02-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Rory is pretty resilient so he'll do just fine. Thanks for the great review. Gretchen
Comment from padumachitta
Hi. This kid is wise beyond his father's years. I like him. He may just grow up to transcend his beginnings.
The sister act, that's good. And the not right in the head...and the dialogue between the two feels.
Keep going,padumachitta
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Hi. This kid is wise beyond his father's years. I like him. He may just grow up to transcend his beginnings.
The sister act, that's good. And the not right in the head...and the dialogue between the two feels.
Keep going,padumachitta
Comment Written 02-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Thank you for the great review. Gretchen
Comment from JB Lynn
I like the sarcastic tone in the narrator's voice as this chapter is revealed. This makes it all the more believable when the narrator tells us that he admires the fact that his dad is a smart ass (two of a kind, right?). :)
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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I like the sarcastic tone in the narrator's voice as this chapter is revealed. This makes it all the more believable when the narrator tells us that he admires the fact that his dad is a smart ass (two of a kind, right?). :)
Comment Written 02-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Thank you for the great review. Gretchen
