Sins of My Father
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Visit"A coming of age story.
14 total reviews
Comment from Sankey
Interesting story, thanks again. Sad. I feel like it is a bit about me only I was with my Mum my Dad left us at 8.
One little question...Wondering about this line? My dad says there is no favor in sugar coating anything. Should thee be an 'l' in there..ie 'flavour?'
reply by the author on 11-May-2014
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Interesting story, thanks again. Sad. I feel like it is a bit about me only I was with my Mum my Dad left us at 8.
One little question...Wondering about this line? My dad says there is no favor in sugar coating anything. Should thee be an 'l' in there..ie 'flavour?'
Comment Written 11-May-2014
reply by the author on 11-May-2014
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No, it's supposed to be favor. His dad was telling him that it was just better to get the honest truth, rather than a lot of bull. Thank you for the great review. Gretchen
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No worries just wondered was all thanks for clearing that up for me. Enjoying the stories thanks.
Comment from Spiritual Echo
Great mood setting. Not sure where you're heading with this book, but I can see the appeal to a mid teen, Hell, you've got me hooked and I'm a teen to the fifth power.
The no BS attitude of the Dad and the writer's interpretation has great appeal.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2014
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Great mood setting. Not sure where you're heading with this book, but I can see the appeal to a mid teen, Hell, you've got me hooked and I'm a teen to the fifth power.
The no BS attitude of the Dad and the writer's interpretation has great appeal.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much for the wonderful review. Gretchen
Comment from Jay Squires
Dad cuts his eyes at me in warning. [Wow... "Cuts" is that a verb usage I'me not aware of? Doesn't matter -- it's a great coinage at any rate.]
She is Kathleen Gedes, the woman who gave birth to me. I would say she is my mother, but nothing could be further from the truth. [This, taken with the 1st chapter's mention that the stork didn't explain his not having a mother ... this makes for a compelling mystery due to unfold.]
"Same as she is now. A mannequin, an empty, beautiful mannequin." [Oh, my God!]
Dad's an alcoholic. [You control the power in your paragraph so well, Gretchen. Most writers would include this sentence in the paragraph that describes his shaking. You didn't -- and that makes all the difference.
Congratulations on the ending: "Yippee". It immediately sets up a tension with what Rory said earlier about his dad figiting and making mooning eyes at her.]
I'm learning from your writing. I read on your profile page that you publshed. Do you mind if I ask you where?
Dad cuts his eyes at me in warning. [Wow... "Cuts" is that
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Dad cuts his eyes at me in warning. [Wow... "Cuts" is that a verb usage I'me not aware of? Doesn't matter -- it's a great coinage at any rate.]
She is Kathleen Gedes, the woman who gave birth to me. I would say she is my mother, but nothing could be further from the truth. [This, taken with the 1st chapter's mention that the stork didn't explain his not having a mother ... this makes for a compelling mystery due to unfold.]
"Same as she is now. A mannequin, an empty, beautiful mannequin." [Oh, my God!]
Dad's an alcoholic. [You control the power in your paragraph so well, Gretchen. Most writers would include this sentence in the paragraph that describes his shaking. You didn't -- and that makes all the difference.
Congratulations on the ending: "Yippee". It immediately sets up a tension with what Rory said earlier about his dad figiting and making mooning eyes at her.]
I'm learning from your writing. I read on your profile page that you publshed. Do you mind if I ask you where?
Dad cuts his eyes at me in warning. [Wow... "Cuts" is that
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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I have been published a couple of times. Twice in Necrology Shorts. com. and then more recently in The Ultimate Writer. I was published in The Liguorian a while back. I thank you so much for going back and reading this in it's entirety. I really appreciate all of your feedback. Gretchen
Comment from Muffins
Chapter 2 is a rainbow of emotion; frustrations, angry, boredom all causes by one character who I can't wait to meet. The boy is wise to Kathleen and tries to let his father, but when he does he gets a stern eye. Looking forward to read on.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Chapter 2 is a rainbow of emotion; frustrations, angry, boredom all causes by one character who I can't wait to meet. The boy is wise to Kathleen and tries to let his father, but when he does he gets a stern eye. Looking forward to read on.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Thank you for the great review. Gretchen
Comment from Gladness
This is very good! It puts you right there. Great dialogue, many important facts are brought to light through their conversation. Excellent work.
Anita
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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This is very good! It puts you right there. Great dialogue, many important facts are brought to light through their conversation. Excellent work.
Anita
Comment Written 01-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much for the exceptional review and the nice comments. Gretchen
Comment from marycec
Yeah it's beginning to get really interesting with the arrival of characters Kathleen and granddad. It looks like we will be introduced to a web of relationships here that don't always tie up. Good dialogue and you seem to have got into Rory's psyche.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Yeah it's beginning to get really interesting with the arrival of characters Kathleen and granddad. It looks like we will be introduced to a web of relationships here that don't always tie up. Good dialogue and you seem to have got into Rory's psyche.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Thank you for the wonderful review. Gretchen
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Gretchen.
This is a well-written chapter and clearly shows the feeling, or lack of that Rory and his father have for Kathleen. You shared with the reader how devalued this women is in their lives. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2014
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Hi, Gretchen.
This is a well-written chapter and clearly shows the feeling, or lack of that Rory and his father have for Kathleen. You shared with the reader how devalued this women is in their lives. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 30-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2014
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Thank you for the wonderful review and the insightful comments. Gretchen
Comment from padumachitta
Hello. You have caught the feel of this gawd awful visit. You also have nailed the generational sadness of alcohol abuse and the abuse around it. This is not comforatable for me to read. But, it is so well written and not maudlin, that I also enjoy it. I like the feel and the style.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2014
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Hello. You have caught the feel of this gawd awful visit. You also have nailed the generational sadness of alcohol abuse and the abuse around it. This is not comforatable for me to read. But, it is so well written and not maudlin, that I also enjoy it. I like the feel and the style.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2014
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The alcohol is not the main point but does sometimes affect how Rory views his father. Great review and the thank you for the insightful and exciting comments. Gretchen
Comment from adewpearl
Powerful character development of Kathleen through the eyes of her child, the narrator and through the eyes of the man she produced the child with. Excellent dialogue. Keen insights into the father's behavior. You work back story in well. Brooke
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2014
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Powerful character development of Kathleen through the eyes of her child, the narrator and through the eyes of the man she produced the child with. Excellent dialogue. Keen insights into the father's behavior. You work back story in well. Brooke
Comment Written 29-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2014
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Thank you for the great review and for taking a chance on another story. Gretchen
Comment from Bill Schott
This is coming very nicely. I like the subtle leading from one tiny revelation to another. Sound like this meeting is destined to be like others, but maybe not.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2014
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This is coming very nicely. I like the subtle leading from one tiny revelation to another. Sound like this meeting is destined to be like others, but maybe not.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much for the great review and the nice comments. Gretchen
