Woe of the Underwood
The cursed contraption won't let me go...65 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
A delight to read, my unnamed friend. I find it so redolent of the Twilight Zone series -- which my son informs me is still accepting submissions for a half-hour radio show.
"My mind is frazzled, a tangled sewer of severed synapses." [Usually I don't like alliteration, but in a humorous piece, as this is (especially when in the 1st person) it fits so perfectly it dares someone to remove it!
This should do very well in the contest. Thank you for sharing it.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2014
  |
A delight to read, my unnamed friend. I find it so redolent of the Twilight Zone series -- which my son informs me is still accepting submissions for a half-hour radio show.
"My mind is frazzled, a tangled sewer of severed synapses." [Usually I don't like alliteration, but in a humorous piece, as this is (especially when in the 1st person) it fits so perfectly it dares someone to remove it!
This should do very well in the contest. Thank you for sharing it.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2014
-
Thanks. So happy you enjoyed it.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Perhaps I was lucky when the stranger outbid me for Great Aunt Amanda's 1889 typewriter. It was the most fascinating antique at her estate sale in 1955. Her home in Newkirk, Oklahoma was almost an antique itself. In the more than fifty years, she had lived there with my Great Uncle Ed, they had accumulated an incredible array of old things that still worked.
I was still in college and was outbid on the three most interesting and valuable items, a 1912 Stanley Steam Car, a two-seat 1916 Saxon Roadster and that old typewriter that my Great Ant typed letters on until the day she dyed. I always wondered where she found ribbons.
Now your wonderful story makes nm e almost glad that I didn't have enough money to buy any of these items.
Your story makes my imagination run wild as I imagine that my Great Aunt;s spirit might have continued to type away in the hereafter.
I think your story is a six star masterpiece with perfect word selection and professional in every way. Unfortunately all my sixes are gone for this week, but you certainly have my best wishes for good luck in this contest.
Roger, Marilyn's writing partner
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2014
|
Perhaps I was lucky when the stranger outbid me for Great Aunt Amanda's 1889 typewriter. It was the most fascinating antique at her estate sale in 1955. Her home in Newkirk, Oklahoma was almost an antique itself. In the more than fifty years, she had lived there with my Great Uncle Ed, they had accumulated an incredible array of old things that still worked.
I was still in college and was outbid on the three most interesting and valuable items, a 1912 Stanley Steam Car, a two-seat 1916 Saxon Roadster and that old typewriter that my Great Ant typed letters on until the day she dyed. I always wondered where she found ribbons.
Now your wonderful story makes nm e almost glad that I didn't have enough money to buy any of these items.
Your story makes my imagination run wild as I imagine that my Great Aunt;s spirit might have continued to type away in the hereafter.
I think your story is a six star masterpiece with perfect word selection and professional in every way. Unfortunately all my sixes are gone for this week, but you certainly have my best wishes for good luck in this contest.
Roger, Marilyn's writing partner
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2014
-
Thanks. So happy you enjoyed it.
Comment from bhogg
Perhaps just me, but I can't imagine this not winning your contest. A very subtle but sure horror that you built from a slow start. I didn't see any areas that need revisiting, but much your fault. I was so involved with your story! Bill
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
|
Perhaps just me, but I can't imagine this not winning your contest. A very subtle but sure horror that you built from a slow start. I didn't see any areas that need revisiting, but much your fault. I was so involved with your story! Bill
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
-
Thanks, Bill, I'd say that was a good thing. I appreciate you reading and reviewing this for me, and for the kind remarks. It certainly was a fun story to write!
-
Funs good :)
Comment from Tpa
A most entertaining text. One, I believe, that even Stephen King would enjoy. I thought your opening was unique as well as your ending. The middle quite moving, which made this reader want to digest more of your script until the very end. I wish you well in the contest and to thank you for an excellent story.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
|
A most entertaining text. One, I believe, that even Stephen King would enjoy. I thought your opening was unique as well as your ending. The middle quite moving, which made this reader want to digest more of your script until the very end. I wish you well in the contest and to thank you for an excellent story.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
-
And -- I thank you for your kind comments, and for taking the time to read & review it for me.
Comment from gclaudy
This was a fun read, very well done. The maniacal Underwood certainly would drive anybody insane. I really liked the perspective of this story and the way that you set the tone and cadence.Thank you for sharing. Looking forward to reading more of your work!
Guy
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
|
This was a fun read, very well done. The maniacal Underwood certainly would drive anybody insane. I really liked the perspective of this story and the way that you set the tone and cadence.Thank you for sharing. Looking forward to reading more of your work!
Guy
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
-
Thank you very much, Guy. I appreciate it. Once my identity is revealed, please feel free to drop by anytime.
Comment from donaldww
This strikes me as a well written ghost story in first person POV. The narrator is victimized by the 'mechanical beast' and is mesmerized by the spectral force that controls it. But the reader may ask Is that force actually the author himself?
I agree with your notes where you say that the tools that we communicate with affect the content and tone of our message. In the words of Marshall McLuhan, "the medium is the message."
The fonts change from serif to non-serif, non-bold to bold at various places. I could see the reason for this where the sign was concerned, but not in other places. Is there are reason for the font variations?
Good luck with the contest!
Cheers,
DW
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
|
This strikes me as a well written ghost story in first person POV. The narrator is victimized by the 'mechanical beast' and is mesmerized by the spectral force that controls it. But the reader may ask Is that force actually the author himself?
I agree with your notes where you say that the tools that we communicate with affect the content and tone of our message. In the words of Marshall McLuhan, "the medium is the message."
The fonts change from serif to non-serif, non-bold to bold at various places. I could see the reason for this where the sign was concerned, but not in other places. Is there are reason for the font variations?
Good luck with the contest!
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
-
Thanks, DW, I appreciate your indepth review. Call the font changes artistic license, if you will. Poets have the luxury, so why not writers of prose? In all sincerity, I usually do it to emphasize a particular sound, or something visual I want the reader to grasp. That's it.
Comment from Mike Battaglia
You cannot hide from me, sir, not even behind blind contest entries. The goosebumps I get from reading your stories have their own hallmark...
As usual, your imagination is as fresh as an open grave, and I shall forever be terrified of the thought of where your inspiration comes from. In all seriousness, sir, I sincerely hope that you are not wasting your time here on this site simply to keep your ego tank full. Your talent has already been proven, and reiterated by far more than just I. And do not come back to me any excuses, either. There is no excuse in this day and age to NOT publish, most especially when you have been given the gift that you have, sir. The bookstores of the world languish with mediocre crap, and are all but crying out for talent of your calibre. Is it insecurity? Self confidence? Bull-malarkey! No excuses, sir. This story is only yet another example that you have not only the talent, but the passion, and passion is what is sorely missing from the bookshelves these days.
I found no errors, for like always, I was too wrapped up in the story to take notice. You keep me reading as if I'm barrelling down a dark highway as fast as my readometer allows, and that is because I know that the payoff will be worth it. "WE-R-1" Bravo, sir.
--Mike
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2014
|
You cannot hide from me, sir, not even behind blind contest entries. The goosebumps I get from reading your stories have their own hallmark...
As usual, your imagination is as fresh as an open grave, and I shall forever be terrified of the thought of where your inspiration comes from. In all seriousness, sir, I sincerely hope that you are not wasting your time here on this site simply to keep your ego tank full. Your talent has already been proven, and reiterated by far more than just I. And do not come back to me any excuses, either. There is no excuse in this day and age to NOT publish, most especially when you have been given the gift that you have, sir. The bookstores of the world languish with mediocre crap, and are all but crying out for talent of your calibre. Is it insecurity? Self confidence? Bull-malarkey! No excuses, sir. This story is only yet another example that you have not only the talent, but the passion, and passion is what is sorely missing from the bookshelves these days.
I found no errors, for like always, I was too wrapped up in the story to take notice. You keep me reading as if I'm barrelling down a dark highway as fast as my readometer allows, and that is because I know that the payoff will be worth it. "WE-R-1" Bravo, sir.
--Mike
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2014
-
Thanks. So happy you enjoyed it.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Bravo! A superb tale that just got my vote. I'm not a fan of ghost stories, but you made this one sound realistic, so I think it deserves a six.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
 |
Bravo! A superb tale that just got my vote. I'm not a fan of ghost stories, but you made this one sound realistic, so I think it deserves a six.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
-
Thank you very much, Phyllis, I'm so glad that you enjoyed this. I truly appreciate your generous review, warm comments and vote in the contest.
Thanks again for everything.
Comment from Cogitator
A delightful and enjoyable fantasy. It is my take that there is nothing "super-natural." That's the term we use for things and events science has not yet explained. Good read, nonetheless...John
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
|
A delightful and enjoyable fantasy. It is my take that there is nothing "super-natural." That's the term we use for things and events science has not yet explained. Good read, nonetheless...John
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
-
Thank you John, i truly appreciate your kind comments and review.
Comment from JBCaine
Author X-
Story of the month material right there, that is.
Too bad for you I'm not the alleged Tom, or some invisible member of the fictitious judging committee.
Really enjoyed the tale. Witty and creepy without being over the top in either of those categories.
The writing is great, grammatically. I would eliminate the semicolon from this sentence, -"The fact is, I've tried to, truly; I have."- but I would not argue usage with you. To me, it is simply not necessary. In my own speech patterns, there would be no pause after 'truly' but my patterns are not yours. It's just a thought. I have those so rarely that it should probably be ignored.
Very nicely done.
JBCaine-
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
|
Author X-
Story of the month material right there, that is.
Too bad for you I'm not the alleged Tom, or some invisible member of the fictitious judging committee.
Really enjoyed the tale. Witty and creepy without being over the top in either of those categories.
The writing is great, grammatically. I would eliminate the semicolon from this sentence, -"The fact is, I've tried to, truly; I have."- but I would not argue usage with you. To me, it is simply not necessary. In my own speech patterns, there would be no pause after 'truly' but my patterns are not yours. It's just a thought. I have those so rarely that it should probably be ignored.
Very nicely done.
JBCaine-
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
-
Hah, well, I never ignore anyone's well intentioned thoughts, JBCaine. I appreciate you sharing your opinions with me, and I will carefully consider your request.
I'm happy that you liked the story, thank you. Whether or not it is story of the month material, well, let's just say I am delighted that you feel that strongly about it.
Thanks for the awesome review and kind comments. All are greatly appreciated.
