Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 86 "CHAPTER EIGHTEEN; PART FOUR"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
36 total reviews
Comment from nor84
OK, coming in too late to know the story or the characters, but maybe I can still offer something.
I was confused by this section, probably because I'm new to the story: "I know you're too young to be the manager of anything. Where's your boss?" Paige glared back, making sure she got his name correct. "Mr. Larry Matter." I didn't realize she'd read the name on his nametag and though Larry Matter was the name of his boss.
The young male stood his ground. >>>I recommend staying with "Larry" or Mr. Matter, but not switching back and forth between names and occupation or other identification. It can confuse the reader, who is reading only a chapter at a time on Fanstory.
they relayed the events of Larry Matter getting arrested.>>>I recommend: They discussed the events leading to the arrest of Larry Matter. >>> because I think it's smoother.
"This Matter guy married one of the Walker's cousins>>> I recommend getting away from that whole apostrophe thing by saying "one of the Walker cousins".
Sorry to hear about your son's problems, Barbara.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2014
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OK, coming in too late to know the story or the characters, but maybe I can still offer something.
I was confused by this section, probably because I'm new to the story: "I know you're too young to be the manager of anything. Where's your boss?" Paige glared back, making sure she got his name correct. "Mr. Larry Matter." I didn't realize she'd read the name on his nametag and though Larry Matter was the name of his boss.
The young male stood his ground. >>>I recommend staying with "Larry" or Mr. Matter, but not switching back and forth between names and occupation or other identification. It can confuse the reader, who is reading only a chapter at a time on Fanstory.
they relayed the events of Larry Matter getting arrested.>>>I recommend: They discussed the events leading to the arrest of Larry Matter. >>> because I think it's smoother.
"This Matter guy married one of the Walker's cousins>>> I recommend getting away from that whole apostrophe thing by saying "one of the Walker cousins".
Sorry to hear about your son's problems, Barbara.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2014
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Thank you for the help. I have made the correction. I appreciate you dropping by.
Comment from Janie King
This would be a very someone that hasn't lived among thieves and robbers. Paige will have some moments of difficulty dealing with her part in this. God loves you and so do I.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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This would be a very someone that hasn't lived among thieves and robbers. Paige will have some moments of difficulty dealing with her part in this. God loves you and so do I.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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Thank you for the kind review and dropping by.
Comment from lindalcreel
My prayers are with you and your son. Medicine has really evolved in the last twenty years. Not sure where you live, but if they have him on antibiotics and anti-inflammatory drugs that should help to reduce the swelling and make the surgery a little easier. Let me know if there is anything you need. I was a nurse for twenty five years and may be able to answer some questions. My prayers are with you!
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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My prayers are with you and your son. Medicine has really evolved in the last twenty years. Not sure where you live, but if they have him on antibiotics and anti-inflammatory drugs that should help to reduce the swelling and make the surgery a little easier. Let me know if there is anything you need. I was a nurse for twenty five years and may be able to answer some questions. My prayers are with you!
Comment Written 11-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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He was on and IV drip of antibiotics in the hospital and steroids. He's on the pill form now. Thank you for asking.
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My pleasure. Please let me know if there is anything you may have a question about. If I don't know the answer, I have a bunch of doctors I'm friends with and can ask them.
Comment from Sankey
Sorry about your son. Did not realise...you may have said and I missed it. Thanks for another great chapter. Just one spag ok!
"She needs to (be)alone for a little while."
Still a great story can't wait till the next chapter.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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Sorry about your son. Did not realise...you may have said and I missed it. Thanks for another great chapter. Just one spag ok!
"She needs to (be)alone for a little while."
Still a great story can't wait till the next chapter.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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He went in on Saturday and is doing better but still isn't perfect. He's not feeling well enough to pick on his mom yet. Thank you for the kind review.
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My wife ajnd her Nephew both have over active Salivary Glands the Derntists like it as their teeth are kept cleaner that was I did not know there could be probs with salivary glands but I guess most glads have problems my whole glandular system is a bit crazy fortunately not Salivary though.
Comment from adewpearl
I'm sorry, ma'am - add comma for direct address
closed the door behind them, - add comma
typo - She needs to alone for a little while - be alone
This nuisance Walker family sure has a long reach - I love how Paige stands up to them and stands up for Nala.
Excellent dialogue and character development.
Brooke
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2014
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I'm sorry, ma'am - add comma for direct address
closed the door behind them, - add comma
typo - She needs to alone for a little while - be alone
This nuisance Walker family sure has a long reach - I love how Paige stands up to them and stands up for Nala.
Excellent dialogue and character development.
Brooke
Comment Written 11-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2014
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Thank you for the catches. You know I struggle with commas. Are you sure they're necessary??? LOL
Comment from DonandVicki
I enjoyed the continuation to your story. Well composed and good character development. I do hope your son is doing better. Don and Vicki
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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I enjoyed the continuation to your story. Well composed and good character development. I do hope your son is doing better. Don and Vicki
Comment Written 11-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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He is doing better, but still is having a problem. Thank you for asking. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hi Barb I like to read what people are saying ,you did so good to keep me interested to keep on reading your story I like your authors note saying if folks haven't been reading you past chapter they wouldn't know what is going on
Glad your son is home and when he has the surgery all will go well.
LOL
Gert
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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Hi Barb I like to read what people are saying ,you did so good to keep me interested to keep on reading your story I like your authors note saying if folks haven't been reading you past chapter they wouldn't know what is going on
Glad your son is home and when he has the surgery all will go well.
LOL
Gert
Comment Written 11-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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I am not looking forward to the surgery. It will leave a huge scar on his neck. I will leave it to God's hands. Thank you for the kind review.
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Hi Bar you are welcome
I know how you feel but look at it this way he is young and his health is more important then worrying about a scar.
Love
Gert
Comment from Norbanus
You're right, Barbara. Those who have missed out on the other segments of this yarn will be confused. Damn shame to miss any of this delightful story.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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You're right, Barbara. Those who have missed out on the other segments of this yarn will be confused. Damn shame to miss any of this delightful story.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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Thank you for the kind review and dropping by.
Comment from abbasjoy
I just loved the conversation between Paige and the Assistant Manager. She sure told him.
It seems everyone in this town is related to Walker, or they are in his "employ."
Things seem to be coming to a head, but I hope Paige will not be implicated in Walker's death, although I don't see how it could be prevented.
Look forward to future chapters.
P.S.
Hope your son is starting to feel better.
Blessings
Joan
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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I just loved the conversation between Paige and the Assistant Manager. She sure told him.
It seems everyone in this town is related to Walker, or they are in his "employ."
Things seem to be coming to a head, but I hope Paige will not be implicated in Walker's death, although I don't see how it could be prevented.
Look forward to future chapters.
P.S.
Hope your son is starting to feel better.
Blessings
Joan
Comment Written 11-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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We are still waiting to see if he will need surgery. Thank you for asking. Paige still has a few battles but they are coming to head. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from mumsyone
Good continuing chapter, Barbara.
Hope your son is doing well.
I wonder what (what's) taking them so long."
"Oh(,) by the way, you're down to a minute and a half."
Since you're the asst.(assistant)
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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Good continuing chapter, Barbara.
Hope your son is doing well.
I wonder what (what's) taking them so long."
"Oh(,) by the way, you're down to a minute and a half."
Since you're the asst.(assistant)
Comment Written 11-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
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Thank you for the catches. I added all of those areas at the last minute. I thought they needed beefed up. I appreciate your help.
