Me Chit's Overdue
A story/poem . . . or vice-versa. 368 words.41 total reviews
Comment from strandregs
It matter to me cause my chits full of glue.
Enjoyed reading . Ignoring the bits I thought didn't flow.
Cause a cowboys li'll finger don't grow any more.
Barmy I know.
Yes I'm an army of barmy.
There I go talking about myself again.
Awsome story telling. Same old story in new fancy dress..good luck..Z.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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It matter to me cause my chits full of glue.
Enjoyed reading . Ignoring the bits I thought didn't flow.
Cause a cowboys li'll finger don't grow any more.
Barmy I know.
Yes I'm an army of barmy.
There I go talking about myself again.
Awsome story telling. Same old story in new fancy dress..good luck..Z.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Thank you, Z. I'm glad you enjoyed. I think. Peace, Lee
Comment from Spitfire
How delightful. I love the vernacular. Me chit's overdue- what a great phrase. Appears he cheated death and the law more than once. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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How delightful. I love the vernacular. Me chit's overdue- what a great phrase. Appears he cheated death and the law more than once. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Thank you, shari. I've thought 'me chit's overdue' more than once. And it probably is. Glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment from barkingdog
Fine rhyming quatrains, Lee. Your tempo is even and use of enjambment makes for a smooth read.
Great story, too.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Fine rhyming quatrains, Lee. Your tempo is even and use of enjambment makes for a smooth read.
Great story, too.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Thank you, Ellen. I ain't much of a poet. But I did put apricot enjambment on me frog fritters this mornin'. Glad you enjoyed, Ellen. Peace, Lee
Comment from kiwisteveh
Nice historical flavour with the irish immigration and the Pinkertons etc,
Difficult to maintain this 'voice' throughout and to get the story across clearly - you left me wanting to know a little more of McDermot.
Could be your chit's overdue for a win in this category - and I haven't even started my entry yet!
Good luck.
Steve
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2014
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Nice historical flavour with the irish immigration and the Pinkertons etc,
Difficult to maintain this 'voice' throughout and to get the story across clearly - you left me wanting to know a little more of McDermot.
Could be your chit's overdue for a win in this category - and I haven't even started my entry yet!
Good luck.
Steve
Comment Written 18-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2014
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Aye, I was hopin' that if I got me entry out early, I might discourage a few rascally real poets, such as your nibs, from joinin' the fray. Ain't likely, is it?
I know what you mean, Steve, about knowing more about McDermot, but it's hard to know when length is good, and when it's bad. Second-guessing the audience is fraught with peril.
Anyway, thank you. And I look forward to your superior entry.
Even I get to rhyme about twice a year.
Peace, Lee
Comment from Schalk Jacobs
Not a bad write, lad. Be sure to be in the running with them here competition. Loved the flow of the poem and the story of Dermot and the rest of the boyos trying their luck in getting ahead in life. Good work, me son. Now you be excusing me. It is time for me Guinness down in the pub.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2014
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Not a bad write, lad. Be sure to be in the running with them here competition. Loved the flow of the poem and the story of Dermot and the rest of the boyos trying their luck in getting ahead in life. Good work, me son. Now you be excusing me. It is time for me Guinness down in the pub.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2014
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Thank you, Schalk. Not bad, you be sayin'? Not bad? I don't think I'll writin' that one down in me diary, now. Kidding, friend. I'm glad you enjoyed, and I hope you enjoy yer pint.
Peace, Lee
Comment from bhogg
Well, your foray into the dark side worked for me. An entertaining story in poetry form ... just what the contest called for. Well done Lee.
Bill
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2014
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Well, your foray into the dark side worked for me. An entertaining story in poetry form ... just what the contest called for. Well done Lee.
Bill
Comment Written 18-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2014
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Thank you, Bill. Sometimes I just need to purge my built-up rhymes. Glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment from Louise Michelle
Hi Lee, Your colloquial style made this so much fun to read and I love the protagonist's matter-of-fact attitude about his impending death. Mystery and crime category? Too bad they don't have a category for fun romps. Hugs, Lou
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2014
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Hi Lee, Your colloquial style made this so much fun to read and I love the protagonist's matter-of-fact attitude about his impending death. Mystery and crime category? Too bad they don't have a category for fun romps. Hugs, Lou
Comment Written 18-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2014
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Thank you, Louise. And I agree the category selections are pretty lame. I usually post under General Fiction, but sometimes my sense of humor gets the best of me. I love the term romp, and I'm delighted enjoyed this one. Many thanks.
Peace, Lee
Comment from michaelcahill
This is a great story, I will give you that. But, this is clearly a poem in every good way a piece can be a poem. Perfect meter from beginning to end. Perfect end rhymes all the way through with none of them forced. There isn't a pause to figure anything out or trip over a phrase. This sounds awesome out loud. I don't even know what the meter is called, but it's perfect. A great lesson in writing too. I need to remember when writing prose if I wouldn't use a word in a poem like "really" then why would I use it in a story? Great entry. Very strong contender. mikey
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2014
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This is a great story, I will give you that. But, this is clearly a poem in every good way a piece can be a poem. Perfect meter from beginning to end. Perfect end rhymes all the way through with none of them forced. There isn't a pause to figure anything out or trip over a phrase. This sounds awesome out loud. I don't even know what the meter is called, but it's perfect. A great lesson in writing too. I need to remember when writing prose if I wouldn't use a word in a poem like "really" then why would I use it in a story? Great entry. Very strong contender. mikey
Comment Written 18-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2014
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Thank you for this stellar review, Mikey. I'm glad you read it aloud. I know you're a musician, and I harkened back to me own old folkie troubador days for this ballad. Thank for the lovely comments, and I'm glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
You did it this time, hands down, tain't gonna be 'none' better that this. I must admit, I sang this one instead of reading it. Delightful, have a great week, good luck, Carolyn
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2014
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You did it this time, hands down, tain't gonna be 'none' better that this. I must admit, I sang this one instead of reading it. Delightful, have a great week, good luck, Carolyn
Comment Written 18-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2014
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Thank you, Carolyn. I love that you sang it. Vestiges of my old folkie days. Peace, Lee
Comment from w.j.debi
Engaging tale that is well told in your verse. A hard life with wrong choices that leads to a bitter end. Good rhymes and a solid rhythm that gives it the feel of an old time ballad of woe. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2014
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Engaging tale that is well told in your verse. A hard life with wrong choices that leads to a bitter end. Good rhymes and a solid rhythm that gives it the feel of an old time ballad of woe. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2014
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Thank you, w.j. debi. I appreciate your encouraging comments, and I'm glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
