Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 82 "CHAPTER SEVENTEEN, PART FIVE"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
49 total reviews
Comment from mountainwriter49
HI, Barbara
I can see I've a lot of catching up to do with this well written story. You've done a fine job with this chapter, and for someone who hasn't read the previous chapters, you've given enough clues so that I could get a sense of the characters.
I thought the piece had good tension in the woods when the car stopped running, and again back in the house when Cash sensed the portrait moving and the kick in the butt.
I know you're writing in the vernacular, but the following items caught my eye and I wanted to share them with you.
This place's [place is] strange
Their eye's [eyes] met as Cash
reward for Dwayne Walker[,] dead or alive.
or a bounty hunter.[?]"
A good read, my friend
Ray
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2014
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HI, Barbara
I can see I've a lot of catching up to do with this well written story. You've done a fine job with this chapter, and for someone who hasn't read the previous chapters, you've given enough clues so that I could get a sense of the characters.
I thought the piece had good tension in the woods when the car stopped running, and again back in the house when Cash sensed the portrait moving and the kick in the butt.
I know you're writing in the vernacular, but the following items caught my eye and I wanted to share them with you.
This place's [place is] strange
Their eye's [eyes] met as Cash
reward for Dwayne Walker[,] dead or alive.
or a bounty hunter.[?]"
A good read, my friend
Ray
Comment Written 15-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2014
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I have made the corrections. Thank you for the help.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Thanks for another great chapter. I have a tendency to hit and miss, but I've been able to keep up enough to appreciate your story. Great job.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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Thanks for another great chapter. I have a tendency to hit and miss, but I've been able to keep up enough to appreciate your story. Great job.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
Consider:
"Cash opened the car door. (What door..driver's?)
"Being attacked and all HAS finally hit Paige.
Sorry, been away from the story for a while. Still a good read. The 'incidents;' of spookiness surely are there as foreshadowing..as I expect they are.
Regards:
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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Consider:
"Cash opened the car door. (What door..driver's?)
"Being attacked and all HAS finally hit Paige.
Sorry, been away from the story for a while. Still a good read. The 'incidents;' of spookiness surely are there as foreshadowing..as I expect they are.
Regards:
Comment Written 13-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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Yes, they are. Thank you for the kind review and stopping by.
Comment from smudge
Dialogue is the most important part of the novel. I don't think that you can ever have too much. The story is told in the dialogue. Excellent
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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Dialogue is the most important part of the novel. I don't think that you can ever have too much. The story is told in the dialogue. Excellent
Comment Written 13-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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Thank you for the kind review and understanding the importance of dialogue.
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Your welcome
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Barbara - great little bits of ghost flowing through this one - I did have a giggle of the shot gun - men:)
Great writing and well done with the story progressing - I wanted to keep reading.
Thanks for sharing,
Maureen
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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Dear Barbara - great little bits of ghost flowing through this one - I did have a giggle of the shot gun - men:)
Great writing and well done with the story progressing - I wanted to keep reading.
Thanks for sharing,
Maureen
Comment Written 12-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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Thank you for the kind review and dropping by.
Comment from Curly Girly
This read well, and is proving to be an exciting story. Is the guy drunk? Or did something really kick him? Very strange indeed!
Two suggestions:
We've been gone long enough the girls are getting worried."
Suggest:
We've been gone long enough, the girls will be worried."
OR:
We've been gone long enough, the girls are worried."
This reads weirdly:
He cracked the door open and noticed her on her side.
Suggest:
He pushed the door slightly. It creaked open, revealing Paige on her side.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2014
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This read well, and is proving to be an exciting story. Is the guy drunk? Or did something really kick him? Very strange indeed!
Two suggestions:
We've been gone long enough the girls are getting worried."
Suggest:
We've been gone long enough, the girls will be worried."
OR:
We've been gone long enough, the girls are worried."
This reads weirdly:
He cracked the door open and noticed her on her side.
Suggest:
He pushed the door slightly. It creaked open, revealing Paige on her side.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2014
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I have made the corrections. Thank you for the help.
Comment from WriterX13
I like the spooky undertone, but it is cozy at the same time. Guys from this area however probably would not care about the impending danger of animals. In fact I think its more likely they would boast proudly of adding it to a collection with a waiver in there voice to show underneath they are scared. Very good read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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I like the spooky undertone, but it is cozy at the same time. Guys from this area however probably would not care about the impending danger of animals. In fact I think its more likely they would boast proudly of adding it to a collection with a waiver in there voice to show underneath they are scared. Very good read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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Thank you
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Sorry I'm late! Been busy.
Good chapter, Barbara. When will Cash finally admit that Bradley is trying to communicate with him?
Nice scene at the end. :)
A few things to look at, my friend:
"You must (have) done something." - m
Their eye's met - eyes
"How about hire a P.I. or a bounty hunter." - this doesn't read quite right. 'How about hiring...?'
Good job, though.
Hugs,
Av
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2014
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Sorry I'm late! Been busy.
Good chapter, Barbara. When will Cash finally admit that Bradley is trying to communicate with him?
Nice scene at the end. :)
A few things to look at, my friend:
"You must (have) done something." - m
Their eye's met - eyes
"How about hire a P.I. or a bounty hunter." - this doesn't read quite right. 'How about hiring...?'
Good job, though.
Hugs,
Av
Comment Written 12-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2014
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I have made the corrections. Thank you for the help.
Comment from Watermark1974
Excellent writing. I read your notes, and understood this is a work in progress. I loved it. But I do have a suggestion, the inner dialogue is good, but in moderation. I would caution you from depending on it, because it's better you show character's motivations rather than tell them. Which is the drawback to too much inner dialogue.
I'm going to have to check out more of your work. I really enjoyed this excerpt.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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Excellent writing. I read your notes, and understood this is a work in progress. I loved it. But I do have a suggestion, the inner dialogue is good, but in moderation. I would caution you from depending on it, because it's better you show character's motivations rather than tell them. Which is the drawback to too much inner dialogue.
I'm going to have to check out more of your work. I really enjoyed this excerpt.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
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I don't use a lot of inner dialogue as a whole, but in this section I felt it was appropriate. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from LorraineK
A great, suspenseful write. I haven't written your previous chapters. Regardless, I still enjoyed it. Although there was a lot of dialogue, it was entertaining and enjoyable to read. Good write. LorraineK
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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A great, suspenseful write. I haven't written your previous chapters. Regardless, I still enjoyed it. Although there was a lot of dialogue, it was entertaining and enjoyable to read. Good write. LorraineK
Comment Written 11-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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Thank you for the kind review.
