Beautiful
1500 words - short for me!!34 total reviews
Comment from poetbear
Carole King's song "Your Beautiful"comes through in every line of this work.
We lost my mother -in-law two weeks ago and I can imagine her in that garden.
You did this justice with a clever and original write.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Carole King's song "Your Beautiful"comes through in every line of this work.
We lost my mother -in-law two weeks ago and I can imagine her in that garden.
You did this justice with a clever and original write.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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thx so much pb! :)))Sharyn
Comment from robina1978
This is such a sad story. Is it about your own parents. The sounds must be playing the piano and that your Mom said something. It is written very realistically.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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This is such a sad story. Is it about your own parents. The sounds must be playing the piano and that your Mom said something. It is written very realistically.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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thx so much Ine - no, but this is based on some wonderful people I know.
:)Sharyn
Comment from jmdg1954
Sharon, from the first word through to the last, you had me hooked, I normally shy away from a story after that medical terminology hits me between the eyes, but not this time. After losing both parents, you had me with this story.
So very well penned, I cannot see how any story could top this one!
John
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Sharon, from the first word through to the last, you had me hooked, I normally shy away from a story after that medical terminology hits me between the eyes, but not this time. After losing both parents, you had me with this story.
So very well penned, I cannot see how any story could top this one!
John
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Bless you John - I'm delighted with your response to my story! (And, of course, your wonderful six!)
Thank you so much!
:)Sharyn
Comment from LadyCosgrove
This is a truly wonderful story! Don't we all just dream of being loved 'that much'!
It just shows what a hefty dose of faith can achieve.
Well written, Sharyn, very well indeed.
Rx
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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This is a truly wonderful story! Don't we all just dream of being loved 'that much'!
It just shows what a hefty dose of faith can achieve.
Well written, Sharyn, very well indeed.
Rx
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Thank you SO much for your wonderful response to my story Rx! And, of course, for your fabulous SIX! YAY! So much appreciated. The story is based on a wonderful couple of friends of mine who are really special people.
:)Sharyn
Comment from Dawn Munro
Jesus, Sharyn, you are so talented. If you don't have this contest wrapped up, I don't know what it takes. I saw not a thing to edit, and the story is as natural as breathing and so very moving! Just marvelous. Fabulous narrative voice - you easily 'became' that son in my imagination, and the touch of medical terminology was so convincing! It gave the whole story a platform of such authenticity.
Kudos on yet another exceptional write, my friend.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Jesus, Sharyn, you are so talented. If you don't have this contest wrapped up, I don't know what it takes. I saw not a thing to edit, and the story is as natural as breathing and so very moving! Just marvelous. Fabulous narrative voice - you easily 'became' that son in my imagination, and the touch of medical terminology was so convincing! It gave the whole story a platform of such authenticity.
Kudos on yet another exceptional write, my friend.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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oh Dawn, you're SOOOO good for my ego! I was away on Lana'i for a couple of days, celebrating Jeff's birthday and our anniversary, but I took a pen & paper with me, jotted down some notes and thought "oh well, I can't do this in time for deadline." BUT I had a few hours this afternoon so I fleshed it out and for once I didn't diddle around! I'm so delighted that you enjoyed this one! I REALLY appreciate your wonderful six!
big hugs & 'mahalo'
Sharyn
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Well, I call it as I see it, and that's a fact. I've said it before; I might not be the best writer at times, but I am, and have been my whole life, an avid reader. Your short stories are second-to-none.
Comment from mountainwriter49
Good Morning, Sharyn
I must admit, I was thoroughly drawn into this well written story and stayed with it until the end. How beautiful it is and how wonderfully it speaks to human triumph.
My mom suffered a stroke and her main loss was motor control and hand writing. But she could talk. Through your well written lines comes one clear message--caregivers must be patient with the stroke victim.
Your writing of this is beautiful and poignant. I loved it.
I do have one small suggestion for you to consider:
lustrous magnificence and innovation of Renaissance thinking has [have] long been forgotten
Good luck to you in the contest.
Ray
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Good Morning, Sharyn
I must admit, I was thoroughly drawn into this well written story and stayed with it until the end. How beautiful it is and how wonderfully it speaks to human triumph.
My mom suffered a stroke and her main loss was motor control and hand writing. But she could talk. Through your well written lines comes one clear message--caregivers must be patient with the stroke victim.
Your writing of this is beautiful and poignant. I loved it.
I do have one small suggestion for you to consider:
lustrous magnificence and innovation of Renaissance thinking has [have] long been forgotten
Good luck to you in the contest.
Ray
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Ray, thank you so much for that catch! Fixed it! Much, much appreciated - there's always SOMETHING! grr!
BIG HUGS
SHARYN
Comment from rhymelord
Dear Sharyn,
Your writing style is everything that is required to bind the reader to the page. I found this quite engrossing, even though I started off thinking "I should read it, even though I prefer poetry - she's a nice kid." I admire your grasp of all of the important "buzz words". Most impressive and thoroughly enjoyable.
Regards
Reg
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Dear Sharyn,
Your writing style is everything that is required to bind the reader to the page. I found this quite engrossing, even though I started off thinking "I should read it, even though I prefer poetry - she's a nice kid." I admire your grasp of all of the important "buzz words". Most impressive and thoroughly enjoyable.
Regards
Reg
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Bless you Reg - I agree - poetry's much easier to read! but, nice kid that I am, I'm delighted that you enjoyed my story. I used to be a speech therapist, so the 'buzz words' come easily!
Blessings & thanks for making that special effort to cross over to the dark side!
:)Sharyn
Comment from MissMerri
Yes... Beautiful is the only suitable word for this story. I loved it. In spite of finding it exceptional... the writing and the way you told it are both just right... I found one line I think you might need to fix and one suggestion, if you want to do it.
I thought the idea that Dad was, among many things, a master gardener should be foreshadowed somewhere in the upper half of the story, so that it makes perfect sense and is not a "jolt" when he plants an acre of roses that all bloom on Ann's birthday. (just an idea) Here is the only typo I saw in the entire piece:
***using communication 'games' where she'd be have to use other verbal abilities (remove "be")
A wonderful story, and wonderfully rendered. I think it will be among the winners for sure.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Yes... Beautiful is the only suitable word for this story. I loved it. In spite of finding it exceptional... the writing and the way you told it are both just right... I found one line I think you might need to fix and one suggestion, if you want to do it.
I thought the idea that Dad was, among many things, a master gardener should be foreshadowed somewhere in the upper half of the story, so that it makes perfect sense and is not a "jolt" when he plants an acre of roses that all bloom on Ann's birthday. (just an idea) Here is the only typo I saw in the entire piece:
***using communication 'games' where she'd be have to use other verbal abilities (remove "be")
A wonderful story, and wonderfully rendered. I think it will be among the winners for sure.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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oh Miss M ... I'm SOOOO glad I didn't kill you off for real! Thank you so much for your lovey six! and for your catch on the typo, AND for your suggestion of foreshadowing the gardener interest. I've done it and I totally agree with your suggestion!! Much much appreciated!
big hugs
Sharyn
Comment from Spiritual Echo
Stunning story. you reeled me in. I had to go back. I was convinced it was non-fiction and became confused by the reference to son.
It was so well done, that seriously, I figured okay, at some point you've had a sex change operation. Relax, even if you could smack me through the screen, I'd duck.
The way you captured the characters and the unrelenting passion of the father with an insatiable curiosity and imagination to secure all those patents and look for an answer for everything was really intoxicating. I believed every word.
Then out of the blue, the prompt snuck in and I swear, I wanted to hit you back. How very, very clever and written brilliantly.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Stunning story. you reeled me in. I had to go back. I was convinced it was non-fiction and became confused by the reference to son.
It was so well done, that seriously, I figured okay, at some point you've had a sex change operation. Relax, even if you could smack me through the screen, I'd duck.
The way you captured the characters and the unrelenting passion of the father with an insatiable curiosity and imagination to secure all those patents and look for an answer for everything was really intoxicating. I believed every word.
Then out of the blue, the prompt snuck in and I swear, I wanted to hit you back. How very, very clever and written brilliantly.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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oh you do make me laugh! lucky I'm tucked in safely behind my computer screen, hmm? I'm so delighted with your review! High praise from a great prose writer! Blessings and many thanks my dear ... I'm still chuckling ...
:)Sharyn
Comment from 24chas
This was a beautiful story. So moving and lovingly written. My father is in a wheelchair after suffering a stroke so this hit close to home. Well done.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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This was a beautiful story. So moving and lovingly written. My father is in a wheelchair after suffering a stroke so this hit close to home. Well done.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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thx so much chas!
