Beautiful
1500 words - short for me!!34 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
Excellent character development of Dad, and also of the narrator/son, through his reactions to Dad
excellent dialogue that expresses their emotions well and also explains to the reader what is going on in the life of their family
Your poignant ending has me in total tears :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Excellent character development of Dad, and also of the narrator/son, through his reactions to Dad
excellent dialogue that expresses their emotions well and also explains to the reader what is going on in the life of their family
Your poignant ending has me in total tears :-) Brooke
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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thx so much Brooke! :)S
Comment from Patti R.
A tear-jerker! A gorgeous and richly set up story of hope and triumph! The author (vous) treats the reader as an intelligent type - using medical terms and definitions smoothly and confidently. You know of what you speak.
No spag that I spotted, all in all an excellently written story. Good luck in the contest.
Patti
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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A tear-jerker! A gorgeous and richly set up story of hope and triumph! The author (vous) treats the reader as an intelligent type - using medical terms and definitions smoothly and confidently. You know of what you speak.
No spag that I spotted, all in all an excellently written story. Good luck in the contest.
Patti
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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thx so much Patti dear! :)S
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
THis is superb in every way. Good to see such an upbeat story of hope and perservance. Just one thing I'd change. We already know how the son feels, so leave off the rather preachy overkill at the end (His eyes meet mine. "We'll all remember today, hmm?") Let it end with the happy birthday kiss.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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THis is superb in every way. Good to see such an upbeat story of hope and perservance. Just one thing I'd change. We already know how the son feels, so leave off the rather preachy overkill at the end (His eyes meet mine. "We'll all remember today, hmm?") Let it end with the happy birthday kiss.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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aaah DAMNED good idea!!! will do Phyllis!!!
Comment from pattipac
Your story of a man's love and devotion to his wife, who suffered a massive CVA is beautiful. You have taught a great lesson, not only to the doubting son, but to your reviewers as well. Don't ever put do the power of "the effect of the observer upon the observed."
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Your story of a man's love and devotion to his wife, who suffered a massive CVA is beautiful. You have taught a great lesson, not only to the doubting son, but to your reviewers as well. Don't ever put do the power of "the effect of the observer upon the observed."
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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oh Patti, I'm so delighted with your response to my piece (and, of course, your great sixer!) I've had this one rattling around in my head for a while, so was happy to finally get it on paper. It was based on a true story - some really special friends of mine ...
Bless you for reading and enjoying!
:) Sharyn
Comment from Narvik
Loved it, Sharyn. Especially since it was a true story. I'm not the sentimental type but this story kind of got to me.
Really made me think about my own parents and my relationship with them. My father died quite young, but my mother's 90 and still quite active.
Anyway, it's something all of us with aging parents need to think about.
As for the writing, it was smooth and well-polished. I wouldn't change a thing.
~ Marv
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Loved it, Sharyn. Especially since it was a true story. I'm not the sentimental type but this story kind of got to me.
Really made me think about my own parents and my relationship with them. My father died quite young, but my mother's 90 and still quite active.
Anyway, it's something all of us with aging parents need to think about.
As for the writing, it was smooth and well-polished. I wouldn't change a thing.
~ Marv
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Well my ego's taking quite a basking, Marv! Thank you so much for your lovely response to my story. Always a fine line with this kind of story not to get 'mushy' I think (Hallmark ikky). I'm so glad it brought up your own thoughts - me too, with my mother. My dad died young (59) and my mother is now 83, somewhat frail and forgetful. We're dreading the next steps.
Thank you so much for your sixer!
:) Sharyn
Comment from MizKat
Hi Sharyn,
What a lovely story and even more so since it's true. I love true stories. Thanks for explaining what all the words meant as I'd still be trying to figure it out. I'm one who needs them in layman's terms. );
Kat
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Hi Sharyn,
What a lovely story and even more so since it's true. I love true stories. Thanks for explaining what all the words meant as I'd still be trying to figure it out. I'm one who needs them in layman's terms. );
Kat
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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me too, Kat, believe me dear (re laymens' terms - but it helps that I used to be a speech therapist!) :)Sharyn
Comment from Marillion
This was absolutely beautiful!!!
As a bit of background, I'm the primary caregiver for my Dad, who suffered a stroke in 2001. Now my Mom is having problems, too, so I'm at a critical juncture over what to do.
Anyway, this resonated greatly with me, brought a tear to my eye, and I have no choice but to award a sixer on this wonderful piece. Thanks!
David
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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This was absolutely beautiful!!!
As a bit of background, I'm the primary caregiver for my Dad, who suffered a stroke in 2001. Now my Mom is having problems, too, so I'm at a critical juncture over what to do.
Anyway, this resonated greatly with me, brought a tear to my eye, and I have no choice but to award a sixer on this wonderful piece. Thanks!
David
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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David, thank you so much! This story was based on a wonderful couple of friends - both incredible people. I lost my dad early, but my mother is just coming into this age where she's now frail and forgetful - difficult to manage long distance, as she lives in Tasmania and I'm in Hawaii. But I guess it's a rite of passage ...
Thank you for your lovely response to my story - I'm glad it resonated with you.
Blessings,
Sharyn
Comment from Selina Stambi
Wow! Wow!
You did it again, Twinnie - you wove boring, scientific data into one heck of an incredibly beautiful, throat - tightening story.
Brilliant!
xxx
Sonali
p.s. lifetime, etc. Okay the 'Mericans with their hyphens got you, didn't they?
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Wow! Wow!
You did it again, Twinnie - you wove boring, scientific data into one heck of an incredibly beautiful, throat - tightening story.
Brilliant!
xxx
Sonali
p.s. lifetime, etc. Okay the 'Mericans with their hyphens got you, didn't they?
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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those damned hyphens! Maybe it's an Aussie thing!!! Thanks for your lovely sixer Twinnie! Glad you enjoyed this one. I have a wonderful friend upon whom this story is based. An incredible man, an incredible couple. :))S
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We have to talk about it sometime - I was totally entranced by this tale ...
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These people are truly amazing human beings Sonali - previous B&B guests!
Comment from Robin Gilmor
Well written and very interesting on many levels. The mother, the care giving Dad and the Son. You manage to clearly express the message and emotional view from each in a smooth write that holds the reader interest throughout.
Looks like a winner. Smiles, Robin :)
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Well written and very interesting on many levels. The mother, the care giving Dad and the Son. You manage to clearly express the message and emotional view from each in a smooth write that holds the reader interest throughout.
Looks like a winner. Smiles, Robin :)
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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thx so much Robin! :)Sharyn
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Sharyn, you have got to win this contest, if you don't there is something very wrong in the judging, it is the most beautiful story I have ever read. I am almost crying with the ending, it is so beautiful. I will never forget this story. You are such a talented writer, I just think this is wonderful!! xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Sharyn, you have got to win this contest, if you don't there is something very wrong in the judging, it is the most beautiful story I have ever read. I am almost crying with the ending, it is so beautiful. I will never forget this story. You are such a talented writer, I just think this is wonderful!! xsx Sandra
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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I RARELY win these damned things Sandra, unfortunately - but thanks for the great thought! And I'm delighted at your response!
Blessings,
Sharyn
