The Santa-Man
An elevator story--but not for the contest.37 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
Very interesting conversation between a disrespectful youth and the older generation. The boy was very bright and knowledgeable for his age. It is a solid tale was an even better message. Well done.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Very interesting conversation between a disrespectful youth and the older generation. The boy was very bright and knowledgeable for his age. It is a solid tale was an even better message. Well done.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Thank you, lancellot. I get your point about the kid being knowledgeable for his age--I have a penchant for writing unusual characters. I wonder if Tom Sawyer would have been so interesting if he'd whitewashed Aunt Polly's fence all by himself? Thanks for the careful read, and the astute comments. Peace, Lee
Comment from Cookie333
VERY well done my friend, I thought the dialogue was just right, and this was so naturally written. I applaud your style and the voice(s) you used. Say hello to the jolly fat man for me please,
thank you
karen
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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VERY well done my friend, I thought the dialogue was just right, and this was so naturally written. I applaud your style and the voice(s) you used. Say hello to the jolly fat man for me please,
thank you
karen
Comment Written 08-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Thank you so much, karen. I'm delighted you enjoyed. And while I'm a fat jolly man myself, I'll pass your greeting along.
Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment from Spitfire
What a delightful story. Brimfull of your clever metaphors and unending sense of humor. You made clear the boy's intellect when he knew what "matriculate" meant. Love the perv theme and the turn-around ending. Again, you prove how awesome your writing skills are. Even Ouija agrees. :-)
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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What a delightful story. Brimfull of your clever metaphors and unending sense of humor. You made clear the boy's intellect when he knew what "matriculate" meant. Love the perv theme and the turn-around ending. Again, you prove how awesome your writing skills are. Even Ouija agrees. :-)
Comment Written 08-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Thank you, Shari. I was hoping the teacher in you might get a kick out of this. I'm not sure I know what matriculate means. I picked up the word from a black & white movie. So glad you enjoyed. I'm starting to believe in this Ouija thing ...
Peace, Lee
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Love the different Santa stories this time of year. This is a cute story. When generations collide. The first paragraph is my favorite: "Jaw-jarring, knee- buckling." Great imagery.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Love the different Santa stories this time of year. This is a cute story. When generations collide. The first paragraph is my favorite: "Jaw-jarring, knee- buckling." Great imagery.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Thank you, Green Lake Girl. I like those opening lines, too.
So glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment from RodG
What a delightful story with two very believable characters. You do a superb job of characterizing each through dialog and their actions. It's fun to see the boy slowly accept the "perv"as a friend. You also do a fine job of social commenting on the housing, the way elevators are "fixed" and how schools handle " disruptive"kids.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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What a delightful story with two very believable characters. You do a superb job of characterizing each through dialog and their actions. It's fun to see the boy slowly accept the "perv"as a friend. You also do a fine job of social commenting on the housing, the way elevators are "fixed" and how schools handle " disruptive"kids.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Thank you, RodG. I really appreciate that you read so carefully. Noting the little side issues. Much appreciated. Peace, Lee
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was so sweet, Lee. What a lovely ending, you can certainly get to grips with whatever character you want to be. I really enjoyed this, I was surprised to find out he was actually the Muckiest Dean. LOL, why on earth didn't you enter this story into the Elevator contest? Another winner in my book! xsx sandra
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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That was so sweet, Lee. What a lovely ending, you can certainly get to grips with whatever character you want to be. I really enjoyed this, I was surprised to find out he was actually the Muckiest Dean. LOL, why on earth didn't you enter this story into the Elevator contest? Another winner in my book! xsx sandra
Comment Written 08-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Thank you, sandra. The truth is, when I write something I really like, I'm loathe to post it blind in hopes of winning $20 in funny money. Lord, I'm soooooo vain! I'm delighted you enjoyed, sandra. Peace, Lee
Comment from Ric Myworld
When I opened your story, saw SimiSarah's highrise, and read the first line that mentioned the seventeenth floor, I had to look again to make sure I wasn't reading my two part "The Recommendations" that I have posted. Then, I read a few more lines and realized that the writing was far superior to mine, and closer to the craftsman I hope to become. This is a Great little story. Your skills and quick wit accent each other and separate you from the flock. Thanks for the enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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When I opened your story, saw SimiSarah's highrise, and read the first line that mentioned the seventeenth floor, I had to look again to make sure I wasn't reading my two part "The Recommendations" that I have posted. Then, I read a few more lines and realized that the writing was far superior to mine, and closer to the craftsman I hope to become. This is a Great little story. Your skills and quick wit accent each other and separate you from the flock. Thanks for the enjoyable read.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Oh, Ric, I'm sorry I ripped off your highrise photo. I should have recognized it! Actually, I had hoped to find a shot of one of those elevator panels where you push the button of the floor you want. Alas, FanArt had nothing of the kind.
Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed the story. And I'm deeply grateful for your kind comments. Peace, Lee
Comment from Sasha
This was great. Love the hysterical dialogue between the boy and Santa. Very clever and as far as how to punctuate the phone conversation...DHTD (Don't have the damnedest).
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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This was great. Love the hysterical dialogue between the boy and Santa. Very clever and as far as how to punctuate the phone conversation...DHTD (Don't have the damnedest).
Comment Written 08-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Thank you, Sasha. I'm delighted you enjoyed. As for the phone conversation, noboy has gigged me yet, so I guess I handled it all right. Again, thanks. Peace, Lee
Comment from TheWriteTeach
Lee,
This was a great Christmas story. Dean Salas was truly Santa Claus for the young man in the elevator. By the time the elevator started moving again, he managed to remove some of the chip from the teenager's shoulder, and he also gave the young man a second chance at life. Salas didn't write him off as a loser and guaranteed his enrollment at school, rather than letting him be tossed out. What a nice Christmas present for both the boy and his mother.
You did a fine job with this piece, Lee. It was interesting and kept me reading to the end. Your dialogue was very believable. I work with teenagers every day, and can say with certainty that you definitely captured the teenage dialect, and attitude, in your character's conversation with Santa. You asked for help/suggestions with the one-sided telephone conversation. I have no clue as to the existence of a definitive formula, but I think the way you wrote it worked very well.
I didn't notice anything that needed attention or a quick fix. Overall, excellent job.
Suzanne
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Lee,
This was a great Christmas story. Dean Salas was truly Santa Claus for the young man in the elevator. By the time the elevator started moving again, he managed to remove some of the chip from the teenager's shoulder, and he also gave the young man a second chance at life. Salas didn't write him off as a loser and guaranteed his enrollment at school, rather than letting him be tossed out. What a nice Christmas present for both the boy and his mother.
You did a fine job with this piece, Lee. It was interesting and kept me reading to the end. Your dialogue was very believable. I work with teenagers every day, and can say with certainty that you definitely captured the teenage dialect, and attitude, in your character's conversation with Santa. You asked for help/suggestions with the one-sided telephone conversation. I have no clue as to the existence of a definitive formula, but I think the way you wrote it worked very well.
I didn't notice anything that needed attention or a quick fix. Overall, excellent job.
Suzanne
Comment Written 08-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Thank you, Suzanne. Thanks for citing the dialogue--this is an area I like to work in. I'm delighted you found it believable, and enjoyable. Peace, Lee
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Two of a kind test each other's mettle while trapped in an elevator. The pervert accusation is a great conflict and evens the playing field between generations. I admit to losing it at "Santa Paws". Clever, articulate, and so very funny. I predict a SotM win is in Santa's bag for this one, Lee. Outstanding! :D Nancy
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Two of a kind test each other's mettle while trapped in an elevator. The pervert accusation is a great conflict and evens the playing field between generations. I admit to losing it at "Santa Paws". Clever, articulate, and so very funny. I predict a SotM win is in Santa's bag for this one, Lee. Outstanding! :D Nancy
Comment Written 08-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Thank you, Nancy. You get it. Two dogs circling each other. The pup uses 'perv' to his advantage. The older dog takes his time to size up his opponent. Just another day at the dog park.
I'm delighted you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
