The Santa-Man
An elevator story--but not for the contest.37 total reviews
Comment from Patti R.
What I loved the most about this story is the character of the boy! I have two boys, they're 12 - and there are no dull edges on either of them. Particularly my son, Max. He's a whip, a wit and a wild card, fortunately, he's not a delinquent.
The dialogue between the man and the boy is fantastic. Not sure why but I kept imagining the man looked a bit like Jimmy Stewart. You created a magical exchange, perhaps a life-changing one for the boy. This story could have gone several ways, Lee, I'm so glad you took it down the "nice" path!
I don't care what anybody says, beautiful things happen at Christmastime.
Patti
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2013
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What I loved the most about this story is the character of the boy! I have two boys, they're 12 - and there are no dull edges on either of them. Particularly my son, Max. He's a whip, a wit and a wild card, fortunately, he's not a delinquent.
The dialogue between the man and the boy is fantastic. Not sure why but I kept imagining the man looked a bit like Jimmy Stewart. You created a magical exchange, perhaps a life-changing one for the boy. This story could have gone several ways, Lee, I'm so glad you took it down the "nice" path!
I don't care what anybody says, beautiful things happen at Christmastime.
Patti
Comment Written 10-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2013
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Thank you, Patti. Some people think my boy character is too bright. But they are the same folks who think Tom Sawyer should have whitewashed Aunt Polly's fence by himself. Kids should not be underestimated. As for the nice path, I am so tired of FS stories about rapers, molesters, bloodsuckers, and suicides that I could scream.
Jimmy Stewart is an inspired choice. I'd have written in a few ers, and uhs, if I'd have thought of it.
Thanks again, Patti.
Peace, Lee
Comment from vickib
I've never been in or around high rises and elevators much so it was an urban trapping? What great dialogue between them. Reminded me of what my daughter would say, she's a smart ass, when I call her out on it she says I wonder where I get it mom. Love the text style abbreviations ETR, NTN. I got one from Taylor like tis <3 and I asked what's that mean? Its a heart! Duh! I knew that.
I've always wondered how kids who are raised in high rises are and now I know, I love his city smarts, know it all attitude and that Santa figured him out. And now we know he won't be getting away with that anymore because Santa has his #. Love the ending and the bonding going on in this Lee its a super Christmas story. I have to go look up some of those words because I was thinking, what's that mean? I imagine the doorman Julio knows the boy better than anyone.
I'm always shocked how you pull me into your stories, leaving me wanting more. Super, sotm ND (no doubt)
And btw I see you do have the Christmas spirit so don't try and fool me.
Vicki
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2013
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I've never been in or around high rises and elevators much so it was an urban trapping? What great dialogue between them. Reminded me of what my daughter would say, she's a smart ass, when I call her out on it she says I wonder where I get it mom. Love the text style abbreviations ETR, NTN. I got one from Taylor like tis <3 and I asked what's that mean? Its a heart! Duh! I knew that.
I've always wondered how kids who are raised in high rises are and now I know, I love his city smarts, know it all attitude and that Santa figured him out. And now we know he won't be getting away with that anymore because Santa has his #. Love the ending and the bonding going on in this Lee its a super Christmas story. I have to go look up some of those words because I was thinking, what's that mean? I imagine the doorman Julio knows the boy better than anyone.
I'm always shocked how you pull me into your stories, leaving me wanting more. Super, sotm ND (no doubt)
And btw I see you do have the Christmas spirit so don't try and fool me.
Vicki
Comment Written 10-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2013
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Thank you, Vicki. All the best characters are either smart-asses or dumb-asses. I challenge anyone to write an interesting story about average, dull characters.
Yeah, I liked faking my way through 'text' too. And Julio? The guy is unseen, and unheard from, but Julio is a real character who has a real presence in the story.
Glad you enjoyed. I'm glad I posted--know what I mean?
Peace, Lee
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Lee
This is such a well told story, witty and fun. The dialogue is perfect. Your characters are great, and the contrast between them works so well. The ending is great and I really liked the boy's reaction.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2013
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Hi, Lee
This is such a well told story, witty and fun. The dialogue is perfect. Your characters are great, and the contrast between them works so well. The ending is great and I really liked the boy's reaction.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 10-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2013
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Thank you so much, Rosalyne. I really appreciate you comments, and of course, the six stars. Much appreciated. Peace, Lee
Comment from Cumbrianlass
What are 'skeletal Tinker Toys'?
If this happened to me, I would turn into a screaming lump of nauseated panic.
Actually, I adore the idea of this story and what you've done with it. The dialogue is brilliant - especially the kid. I've met kids like that - they're like little adults - dead intelligent, ill-spoken wee geniuses. I found it interesting that we never learned his name.
Great twist at the end.
Just another of your wonderful stories - always a real pleasure, James.
Av
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2013
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What are 'skeletal Tinker Toys'?
If this happened to me, I would turn into a screaming lump of nauseated panic.
Actually, I adore the idea of this story and what you've done with it. The dialogue is brilliant - especially the kid. I've met kids like that - they're like little adults - dead intelligent, ill-spoken wee geniuses. I found it interesting that we never learned his name.
Great twist at the end.
Just another of your wonderful stories - always a real pleasure, James.
Av
Comment Written 09-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2013
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Hey, Av, and thank you! Tinker toys were kind of the forerunner to Legos. They were an assortment of wooden dowels and perforated discs used for building things. I imagined my 'Santa' character seeing his skeleton as a Tinker Toy construction. Too much?
Some folks tell me my kid is too smart. What? How'm I gonna write an interesting story around an average kid? Now I downright stupid kid, well, that's another story.
Thank you again, Av. I really appreciate all the stars and cross.
Peace, Lee
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No. Not too much. Appropriate for the Christmas aspect of the story, more like. I think a lot of kids tend to be smarter than some adults give them credit for.
Or some parents. ;)
Comment from BunnyS
I think the phone conversation worked well... I'm not sure of what the "correct" way of doing that kind of dialogue is, but it was understandable and not confusing at all. Works for me!
I thought you might want to check this out:
Estimated Time of Resue, numbnuts. (rescue?)
I very much enjoyed the story and the dialogue between your two characters. I was a little surprised at the boy's character... I have a 12 year old and the boy in the story sounded a lot older and more "worldly", but then the boy in the story also sounded a lot more "street smart", so it worked.
The ending was a surprise and I love the fact that I didn't see it coming. It's always so easy to get a picture of the characters when I read your stories. Awesome job! Merry Christmas, Lee!
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2013
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I think the phone conversation worked well... I'm not sure of what the "correct" way of doing that kind of dialogue is, but it was understandable and not confusing at all. Works for me!
I thought you might want to check this out:
Estimated Time of Resue, numbnuts. (rescue?)
I very much enjoyed the story and the dialogue between your two characters. I was a little surprised at the boy's character... I have a 12 year old and the boy in the story sounded a lot older and more "worldly", but then the boy in the story also sounded a lot more "street smart", so it worked.
The ending was a surprise and I love the fact that I didn't see it coming. It's always so easy to get a picture of the characters when I read your stories. Awesome job! Merry Christmas, Lee!
Comment Written 09-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2013
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Thank you, Bunny. Yes, I changed 'rescue', thanks. My stories are usually a little fanciful, so my characters tend to be a colorful. Who would remember Tom Sawyer is he wasn't smart enough to get the other kids to whitewash the fence?
I'm so glad you enjoyed. And Merry Christmas to you, too.
Peace, Lee
Comment from kenni
I became claustrophobic immediately seeing the second word--elevator. The kid: excellent portrait of rebellion, intelligent, smart, and smart assed. Santa was a hero the duration. The conversation: the story was great reading through it; humanity pinned to it like a banner. I never feared for any wrong doing, though I never new what to expect. I enjoyed the exchange, and loved the wishful ending. I thought the phone conversation was good, a bit sophisticated, and I got the impression that Julio and the youngster were very tight. I liked the friendly hit on teachers. We all know they are a different species. A+ ---kenni
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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I became claustrophobic immediately seeing the second word--elevator. The kid: excellent portrait of rebellion, intelligent, smart, and smart assed. Santa was a hero the duration. The conversation: the story was great reading through it; humanity pinned to it like a banner. I never feared for any wrong doing, though I never new what to expect. I enjoyed the exchange, and loved the wishful ending. I thought the phone conversation was good, a bit sophisticated, and I got the impression that Julio and the youngster were very tight. I liked the friendly hit on teachers. We all know they are a different species. A+ ---kenni
Comment Written 09-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Thank you, kenni. I'm delighted you liked these characters--particularly Julio. Thanks for the careful read. Peace, Lee
Comment from IndianaIrish
I'm so glad you didn't enter this in the elevator contest, hw. It's too outstanding a story to be stuck in the booth, and posted as you did, will give the story more readers and more admirers of your talent with your wordslinging.
To say I enjoyed your story is an understatement. It's pure delight and like any exceptional writer, you put me in the elevator with your two wonderful characters. I enjoyed seeing their relationship progress and their banter was great.
Smiles,
Indy : )
ps...just yesterday my daughter called the dog a shiitake mushroom chasing her tail.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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I'm so glad you didn't enter this in the elevator contest, hw. It's too outstanding a story to be stuck in the booth, and posted as you did, will give the story more readers and more admirers of your talent with your wordslinging.
To say I enjoyed your story is an understatement. It's pure delight and like any exceptional writer, you put me in the elevator with your two wonderful characters. I enjoyed seeing their relationship progress and their banter was great.
Smiles,
Indy : )
ps...just yesterday my daughter called the dog a shiitake mushroom chasing her tail.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Thank you, Indy. You're right about the polls. People tend to under-rate stuff entered in prompt contests--or they ignore them altogether. I'm glad you found a bond with these two guys--maybe Julio, too. And thanks for the correct spelling of shiitake. Her dog is mushroom, my sister's dog is a caterpillar. Who knew? Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment from marijmd
past-cute and impending-puberty - great description - it is very much true - missing teeth and gawky. As usual you do a great job with humorous dialogue and a surprise twist!
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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past-cute and impending-puberty - great description - it is very much true - missing teeth and gawky. As usual you do a great job with humorous dialogue and a surprise twist!
Comment Written 09-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Thank you, marijmd. Glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
I was so wrapped up in the story, I forgot to look for edits. And since I am so far behind, you are on your own. LOL. This is priceless. You just never know who you might get stuck in the elevator with. Nicely done, Carolyn
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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I was so wrapped up in the story, I forgot to look for edits. And since I am so far behind, you are on your own. LOL. This is priceless. You just never know who you might get stuck in the elevator with. Nicely done, Carolyn
Comment Written 09-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Thank you, Carolyn. I'm always happy when people don't spot any of my errors--whether they're looking for them or not. So glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment from B. Diehl
I like this a lot; it's an easy-read, which I can almost always enjoy. Also, it's meaningful! Conveying meaning with simple language is a lot harder than it sounds, so I salute you. Please check out my work sometime. :) Take care.
P.S. Enjoy the five stars!
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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I like this a lot; it's an easy-read, which I can almost always enjoy. Also, it's meaningful! Conveying meaning with simple language is a lot harder than it sounds, so I salute you. Please check out my work sometime. :) Take care.
P.S. Enjoy the five stars!
Comment Written 08-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Thank you, B. Diehl. I'm glad you enjoyed, and I will indeed check out your work. Peace, Lee
