Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 72 "CHAPTER FIFTEEN; PART FOUR"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
58 total reviews
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
As usual another great suspenseful episode you have written. I really enjoyed it. Especially the drawer hitting the man in the lower stomach. He deserved it. I second that!
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
  |
As usual another great suspenseful episode you have written. I really enjoyed it. Especially the drawer hitting the man in the lower stomach. He deserved it. I second that!
Comment Written 02-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
-
Thank you for the kind review and dropping by. I appreciate both.
Comment from elchupakabra
This is a great continuation to your story. I didn't notice any spag and things seem to be progressing well. It's about time Paige starts to figure things out lol. Btw, slight typo in the spelling of Paige's name in your description, it says Piage see the videos. Other than that great work here, thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
|
This is a great continuation to your story. I didn't notice any spag and things seem to be progressing well. It's about time Paige starts to figure things out lol. Btw, slight typo in the spelling of Paige's name in your description, it says Piage see the videos. Other than that great work here, thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
-
Thank you for the kind review and dropping by. I appreciate both.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
As I read this, Barbara, I found myself dying to see the darn video for myself! I love all the paranormal stuff and watch the shows on TV. This footage sounds really good. I like that Bradley kicked butt. I also like that Paige is protecting him. Sounds like they are protecting each other, actually.
Good post - I was glued till the end. Now I have to wait and see what the chief knows.
Hugs,
Av
Only one sentence I might consider amending a little, just for flow. See what you think:
Wes led them to a room (that had) a large rectang(ular) table (with) chairs placed around it.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
|
As I read this, Barbara, I found myself dying to see the darn video for myself! I love all the paranormal stuff and watch the shows on TV. This footage sounds really good. I like that Bradley kicked butt. I also like that Paige is protecting him. Sounds like they are protecting each other, actually.
Good post - I was glued till the end. Now I have to wait and see what the chief knows.
Hugs,
Av
Only one sentence I might consider amending a little, just for flow. See what you think:
Wes led them to a room (that had) a large rectang(ular) table (with) chairs placed around it.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
-
Thank you for the kind review and dropping by. I appreciate both.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
I'd love Paige and Cash to get together.
I like the way you leave us wondering if there's someone
else in the house besides Bradley - and lots of unanswered questions, keeping us interested.
A couple of missing commas:
Paige swears she had nothing to do with it(,) and I believe her.
At the police station(,) the head
The top of Tyler's right ear elongated(,) and he swiped
Margaret
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
|
I'd love Paige and Cash to get together.
I like the way you leave us wondering if there's someone
else in the house besides Bradley - and lots of unanswered questions, keeping us interested.
A couple of missing commas:
Paige swears she had nothing to do with it(,) and I believe her.
At the police station(,) the head
The top of Tyler's right ear elongated(,) and he swiped
Margaret
Comment Written 02-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
-
Thank you for the kind review and dropping by. I appreciate both.
Comment from Curtis Hatch
Barbara,
The story continues at a good pace, now that the activities while Paige was away are video taped. The tape creates surprises of its own. Tyler and Daniel having a key and entering the house is one mystery. How did they get a key? The video became more suspenseful as a light orb attacked both men. Paige's fixation on Bradley Bookman adds more suspense and mystery. I enjoyed the read.
"No. Paige swears she had nothing to do with it(,) and I believe her.
At the police station(,) the head of the paranormal team walked up to Paige ready to shake hands.
The top of Tyler's right ear elongated(,) and he swiped at it.
Curtis
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
 |
Barbara,
The story continues at a good pace, now that the activities while Paige was away are video taped. The tape creates surprises of its own. Tyler and Daniel having a key and entering the house is one mystery. How did they get a key? The video became more suspenseful as a light orb attacked both men. Paige's fixation on Bradley Bookman adds more suspense and mystery. I enjoyed the read.
"No. Paige swears she had nothing to do with it(,) and I believe her.
At the police station(,) the head of the paranormal team walked up to Paige ready to shake hands.
The top of Tyler's right ear elongated(,) and he swiped at it.
Curtis
Comment Written 02-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
-
Thank you for the kind review and dropping by.
Comment from lindalcreel
Is there someone else in the house besides Bradley? I love the way that you gave us just enough information to keep us on the edge of our seats. I want to know why they were there and what they were after, and if anyone else is involved. This story gets better by the chapter. Thanks so much for sharing.I do wish that Paige and Cash could get together though. He really needs to get over the whole rich thing.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
|
Is there someone else in the house besides Bradley? I love the way that you gave us just enough information to keep us on the edge of our seats. I want to know why they were there and what they were after, and if anyone else is involved. This story gets better by the chapter. Thanks so much for sharing.I do wish that Paige and Cash could get together though. He really needs to get over the whole rich thing.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
-
Thank you for the kind review and dropping by. I appreciate both.
-
So welcome:)
Comment from AprilShower
Mighty strange things are happening in this house. The question now is why were these people going inside the house? It seems that Paige needs to have locks need changed.
The statement below bothered me a little.
Cash put his hands on the back of a chair. "Not likely."
It seems a bit too negative as an answer to this question:
"You must be the man of the house." Mr. Blake grinned at Cash."
Suggestion: "No. I'm only one of her friends. Billy Joe and I are remodeling her house."
April :o)
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
|
Mighty strange things are happening in this house. The question now is why were these people going inside the house? It seems that Paige needs to have locks need changed.
The statement below bothered me a little.
Cash put his hands on the back of a chair. "Not likely."
It seems a bit too negative as an answer to this question:
"You must be the man of the house." Mr. Blake grinned at Cash."
Suggestion: "No. I'm only one of her friends. Billy Joe and I are remodeling her house."
April :o)
Comment Written 02-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
-
Thank you for the kind review and dropping by. I appreciate both.
Comment from Auroraboreal800
Another wonderful chapter, with lot of action. Very well written. Are we near to the end? You know something Barbara? For so many years my house has been under a constant paranormal activity, that my husband and I just get used to it.
GREAT job my dear friend!
:)
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
|
Another wonderful chapter, with lot of action. Very well written. Are we near to the end? You know something Barbara? For so many years my house has been under a constant paranormal activity, that my husband and I just get used to it.
GREAT job my dear friend!
:)
Comment Written 02-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
-
Thank you for the kind review and dropping by. I appreciate both.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Barbara,
I think the ghosts earned that sixth star. Ghosts like this, defending against intruders they don't like - I like. Great description of the ghostly activities, I had a good smile as the two burglars got beaten up by the ghosts, Bradley has obviously brought in his old Troop.
Well done. If I may make a suggestion, there are a couple of places where your narrative goes into unnecessary details. I noticed several instances, and you might like to think about whether they can be adjusted. Eg: -
You have: The men hurried to the SUV. After Cash unlocked the door, the four climbed in and followed Bart to the police station.
Try: Hurrying to the SUV, Cash pressed the key fob and the four clambered in to follow Bart. (We already know it must be locked, so we don't need much more than a hint he unlocks it, and the same with the destination, we knowe they're heading for the Police Station as they've already talked about it.)
You could do something similar with this -
You have:
At the police station the head of the paranormal team walked up to Paige ready to shake hands. "Ms. Swanson?"
Paige accepted his hand. "Yes, and you are?"
Try: "Ms Swanson?" The speaker greeted them with an outstretched hand.
Paige accepted the hand. "Yes, and you are?"
"Wesley Blake." He motioned toward the foursome behind him. "I'm head of the Paranormal Activity Team. We're tasked with checking your house for paranormal activity."
That apart, worth a six just on the activity in it.
Patrick
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2013
|
Hi Barbara,
I think the ghosts earned that sixth star. Ghosts like this, defending against intruders they don't like - I like. Great description of the ghostly activities, I had a good smile as the two burglars got beaten up by the ghosts, Bradley has obviously brought in his old Troop.
Well done. If I may make a suggestion, there are a couple of places where your narrative goes into unnecessary details. I noticed several instances, and you might like to think about whether they can be adjusted. Eg: -
You have: The men hurried to the SUV. After Cash unlocked the door, the four climbed in and followed Bart to the police station.
Try: Hurrying to the SUV, Cash pressed the key fob and the four clambered in to follow Bart. (We already know it must be locked, so we don't need much more than a hint he unlocks it, and the same with the destination, we knowe they're heading for the Police Station as they've already talked about it.)
You could do something similar with this -
You have:
At the police station the head of the paranormal team walked up to Paige ready to shake hands. "Ms. Swanson?"
Paige accepted his hand. "Yes, and you are?"
Try: "Ms Swanson?" The speaker greeted them with an outstretched hand.
Paige accepted the hand. "Yes, and you are?"
"Wesley Blake." He motioned toward the foursome behind him. "I'm head of the Paranormal Activity Team. We're tasked with checking your house for paranormal activity."
That apart, worth a six just on the activity in it.
Patrick
Comment Written 02-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2013
-
Sorry for the late response. At school it's semester break and we had a lot of paperwork to catch up on. I am now on break for two weeks and I have time to breath. I appreciate your help.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, barbara, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where paige and the others see the video of bradley's antics as the two would be thieves go through her house. paige is not going to let the team get rid of bradley, paige demands answers from the chief of police
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
|
this is very well written, barbara, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where paige and the others see the video of bradley's antics as the two would be thieves go through her house. paige is not going to let the team get rid of bradley, paige demands answers from the chief of police
Comment Written 01-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2013
-
Thank you for the kind review and dropping by. I appreciate both.
