Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 67 "CHAPTER 14: PART FOUR"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
64 total reviews
Comment from RGstar
Hi Barbara,
You are absolutely correct, it is difficult to hop in at random when so many scenes have preceded this one.
however, I am happy I did, as I tend to review quite a bit outside of my fan base in order to give attention to others whilst looking at different writing techniques with hope of helping the writer or experiencing something special in which I could relay back to the writer.
This was good writing. It is a pleasure to see a good writer in flow where I need not comment or dissect a work.
Dialogue was on key, as was the imagery it presented.
There were no rushed or exuberant sentences purely for convincing the writer of your writing skills.
I think you just about made good usage of conjunctions and nouns not to have too many full stops in which a stop start motion is created.
The text flowed smoothly as did the area it commanded in terms of space around your main character.
The periphery was used well when not centered on your character.
One thing I would say that you could perhaps take a look at so you do not over use it. is the area of thoughts and comments.
Earlier in the paragraph, every thought that Paige thought , was expressed out loud, which was really good, but you want to be careful not to use that process all the way through your text. One can get carried away with it, and not see, so then it interrupts the smooth flow of the narrative, to which more full stops will be called for, and you text gets no breathing time. Instead you get a rapid fire effect. Which is fine for some parts, as it does make the story better, but be cautious of over-usage.
Great writing Barbabra. You are a natural writer.
Not once did I think the writing got away from you where it was in control of you and not you of it.
Good stuff,
Best wishes,
Have a good day.
RGstar
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Hi Barbara,
You are absolutely correct, it is difficult to hop in at random when so many scenes have preceded this one.
however, I am happy I did, as I tend to review quite a bit outside of my fan base in order to give attention to others whilst looking at different writing techniques with hope of helping the writer or experiencing something special in which I could relay back to the writer.
This was good writing. It is a pleasure to see a good writer in flow where I need not comment or dissect a work.
Dialogue was on key, as was the imagery it presented.
There were no rushed or exuberant sentences purely for convincing the writer of your writing skills.
I think you just about made good usage of conjunctions and nouns not to have too many full stops in which a stop start motion is created.
The text flowed smoothly as did the area it commanded in terms of space around your main character.
The periphery was used well when not centered on your character.
One thing I would say that you could perhaps take a look at so you do not over use it. is the area of thoughts and comments.
Earlier in the paragraph, every thought that Paige thought , was expressed out loud, which was really good, but you want to be careful not to use that process all the way through your text. One can get carried away with it, and not see, so then it interrupts the smooth flow of the narrative, to which more full stops will be called for, and you text gets no breathing time. Instead you get a rapid fire effect. Which is fine for some parts, as it does make the story better, but be cautious of over-usage.
Great writing Barbabra. You are a natural writer.
Not once did I think the writing got away from you where it was in control of you and not you of it.
Good stuff,
Best wishes,
Have a good day.
RGstar
Comment Written 27-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Thank you for the kind review. This is a much longer chapter and in the earlier part I used no thought. I thought since Paige is by herself, she would think. Who knows.
Comment from Curly Girly
Another well written chapter here.
I believe it is a criminal offence to dial 911 unnecessarily and / or hang-up.
You wrote:
Paige grabbed the hotel phone and pressed the keys for 911.
Perhaps try:
Paige grabbed the hotel phone and was about to press the keys for 911.
Or did she actually complete the dialing? Just my thoughts.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Another well written chapter here.
I believe it is a criminal offence to dial 911 unnecessarily and / or hang-up.
You wrote:
Paige grabbed the hotel phone and pressed the keys for 911.
Perhaps try:
Paige grabbed the hotel phone and was about to press the keys for 911.
Or did she actually complete the dialing? Just my thoughts.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Thank you for the kind review. I like your idea. I will change it.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Barbara,
At least he turned up in the end. Paige certainly had a tough night, not at all what she expected I suspect. Now I suppose we have to wait to discovber what has happened back in Savannah ...
Patrick
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Hi Barbara,
At least he turned up in the end. Paige certainly had a tough night, not at all what she expected I suspect. Now I suppose we have to wait to discovber what has happened back in Savannah ...
Patrick
Comment Written 27-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Thank you for the kind review. Me too. I am sure it will exciting, or at least I hope it will.
Comment from lindalcreel
This was another good chapter, but like Paige I'm confused about why Cash ran away. It really didn't make sense. Does he feel inferior to her in some way because she's rich. she doesn't act the spoiled brat type. Can't wait to read the next chapter and listen to his explanation.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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This was another good chapter, but like Paige I'm confused about why Cash ran away. It really didn't make sense. Does he feel inferior to her in some way because she's rich. she doesn't act the spoiled brat type. Can't wait to read the next chapter and listen to his explanation.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Thank you for the kind review. I can't wait to hear Cash's excuse.
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Welcome:)
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
WHO is glancing at the watch?
"Paige paced the carpeted floor, glancing at her watch.
CONSIDER:
"While glancing at her watch, Paige paced the carpeted floor.
"Cash kissed me AND then ran away.
WHO are these guys? And why are they in the story?
"Two young men in their late twenties came toward her.
There's no real description of the hotel room that could connect the reader to Paige's situation. Remember, the reader always comes first, NOT the characters.
Regards:
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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WHO is glancing at the watch?
"Paige paced the carpeted floor, glancing at her watch.
CONSIDER:
"While glancing at her watch, Paige paced the carpeted floor.
"Cash kissed me AND then ran away.
WHO are these guys? And why are they in the story?
"Two young men in their late twenties came toward her.
There's no real description of the hotel room that could connect the reader to Paige's situation. Remember, the reader always comes first, NOT the characters.
Regards:
Comment Written 27-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Thank you for the kind review. I will recheck the post. I thought the previous post explained the situation and this is a continuation.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, barbara, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where paige is worried because cash stayed out all night. when he comes back, she hugs him, then slapped him demanding to know where he went
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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this is very well written, barbara, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where paige is worried because cash stayed out all night. when he comes back, she hugs him, then slapped him demanding to know where he went
Comment Written 27-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and stopping by.
Comment from Sasha
I agree. He darn well better have a GREAT explanation for disappearing like that. I don't blame Paige at all for being both worried and upset.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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I agree. He darn well better have a GREAT explanation for disappearing like that. I don't blame Paige at all for being both worried and upset.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and dropping by. How is your computer doing?
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My computer is fine, it is the cable company that is shutting down every few minutes....driving me nuts.
Comment from mumsyone
Ouch! That slap on the cheek probably hurt Cash's feelings more than anything else! Good chapter, Barbara.
"Great(, or .) now my T-shirt's wet."
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Ouch! That slap on the cheek probably hurt Cash's feelings more than anything else! Good chapter, Barbara.
"Great(, or .) now my T-shirt's wet."
Comment Written 27-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and catching my error.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Barbara,
I must of missed the last post somehow so I went back to get caught up. This post makes more sense to me now:)
Great work with some witty comments and actions from Paige. The ending made me laugh - jump into a man's arms then slap him for being out all night.
Well penned as always - great reading :)
Thanks for sharing it .
Maureen
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Dear Barbara,
I must of missed the last post somehow so I went back to get caught up. This post makes more sense to me now:)
Great work with some witty comments and actions from Paige. The ending made me laugh - jump into a man's arms then slap him for being out all night.
Well penned as always - great reading :)
Thanks for sharing it .
Maureen
Comment Written 27-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and dropping by.
Comment from Evelyn Fort Stewart
Aw, girl, what a place to leave us for a whole week. More than likely cash slept in the car because he was so attracted to her he was afraid to stay in the room, or maybe they called him about who was messing around Paige's house. I guess we wait and see. Good chapter. God loves you and we do too.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Aw, girl, what a place to leave us for a whole week. More than likely cash slept in the car because he was so attracted to her he was afraid to stay in the room, or maybe they called him about who was messing around Paige's house. I guess we wait and see. Good chapter. God loves you and we do too.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and dropping by.
