He Really gets into His Work
A mutilating maniac is loose!57 total reviews
Comment from elchupakabra
Listen, Dean, I'm not tryin' to bust your balls here, but I thought the first paragraph was terribly cliche. Laughably so even. But, much like the Seattle Seahawks last week against Houston, you played through your mistakes, battled back and won the game(there weren't any good comebacks this week so I had to go back to last week). Let's go to the film to see where you went wrong, in my humble opinion; anytime I see a character with an alliterated name not in an ironic sense outside of a children's book, alarms go off in my head. The opening dialogue of the husband felt a little contrived to me as well, especially; but you see, I have an alibi. Anyways, besides that initial fumble, you recovered and made first downs by crafting the piece with alot of precision and detail. The illustrations are not overbearing and do not overly detract from the story, and the sound effects play well. I don't have time to watch the documentary, but I will try to get to it sometime. I'm sorry it took me so long to get to this, but Sun-Mon are the days I'm on FS the least. Great work overall here, I thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the story, thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Listen, Dean, I'm not tryin' to bust your balls here, but I thought the first paragraph was terribly cliche. Laughably so even. But, much like the Seattle Seahawks last week against Houston, you played through your mistakes, battled back and won the game(there weren't any good comebacks this week so I had to go back to last week). Let's go to the film to see where you went wrong, in my humble opinion; anytime I see a character with an alliterated name not in an ironic sense outside of a children's book, alarms go off in my head. The opening dialogue of the husband felt a little contrived to me as well, especially; but you see, I have an alibi. Anyways, besides that initial fumble, you recovered and made first downs by crafting the piece with alot of precision and detail. The illustrations are not overbearing and do not overly detract from the story, and the sound effects play well. I don't have time to watch the documentary, but I will try to get to it sometime. I'm sorry it took me so long to get to this, but Sun-Mon are the days I'm on FS the least. Great work overall here, I thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the story, thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Hah, that's pretty good, elchupakabra, using the analogy of a football game to rate this. I actually liked it. I'm a big fan of football.
You're right, it is a bit cliché, but it was intended to be, so...kudos to you for picking up on that. I didn't want readers to take this too seriously, sort of like a Quentin Tarantino "B" movie parody. What is IS designed to do is entertain, not to make you believe... it's true.
Thanks for the great review, and the unique approach to it!
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Hey, it was np at all, and if that was your goal, well you hit the proverbial nail on the head.
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It was. I love Tarantino. More than anything else, this was inspired by him...
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Same goes for my script The Change lol. Tarantino has long been one of my favorite directors, him and Scorcese are my two biggest influences for the script.
Comment from bluedragon776
No offense but you are creepy! :) You tell a good horror story. Those pictures are creepy. I have to say that the You Tube videos are a bit distracting. I had to pause them so I could read. Sorry, hope that doesn't offend you.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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No offense but you are creepy! :) You tell a good horror story. Those pictures are creepy. I have to say that the You Tube videos are a bit distracting. I had to pause them so I could read. Sorry, hope that doesn't offend you.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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No, it doesn't offend me in the least. We're all entitled to our opinions, that's what makes us uniquely individual.
Thanks for the great review!
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Dean Kuch,
Full marks for graphic details and gory descriptions. Nice touch having the Rotweiler's collar tag in the dead hand. A DNA cross match to the torso might well have shown them to be from different bodies, but heck, its a Halloween tale.
Some pretty gory images there, which probably put a few folk off.
Patrick
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Hi Dean Kuch,
Full marks for graphic details and gory descriptions. Nice touch having the Rotweiler's collar tag in the dead hand. A DNA cross match to the torso might well have shown them to be from different bodies, but heck, its a Halloween tale.
Some pretty gory images there, which probably put a few folk off.
Patrick
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Thanks, Patrick, I appreciate the great comments.
My intention for this story is just as you said, to purely entertain, not to have folks take it all that seriously. As far as the DNA matches go, my premise was that it is in the very initial part of the investigation, all this has happened within the span of less than a day, so the lab wouldn't have the results back quite yet on the torso. Forensics would also be able to detect that the torso had been frozen, but Marjorie didn't really care about all that. Her gratification comes from the thrill of the kill, not getting away with cheating on her hubby.
Thanks so much, again! Much appreciated...
That was the idea, anyway.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Dean. Whew! I love the gaudy chilling photos! This is a long one, my friend. Almost a book length...LOL..Anyway, well worth every bit of the read. I knew you would come up with some good stuff for Halloween. Your imagery is superb and I loved the story as a whole (or is it "hole")
Suggestions, if you don't mind:
"Joel Flanagan got up from his seat, then sauntered over to an expansive bar located at the rear of his lavishly furnished study." (rephrase:
"Flanagan got up and sauntered over to his expansive bar located at the rear of his lavish study."
"What the hell's this guy's deal, anyway, the detective wondered? I'm here to fill him in on the details surrounding the murder of his wife, and he acts like we're old chess-playin' pals, or somethin'. Strange bird. But, if he did do it, he's also an extremely dangerous one.
In a case where you want to reveal the person's thoughts you can go one way or the other but not both at the same tie. hence..if you are thinking...as was this guy...you simply use the italics...(they say "thought" in big red letters.. LOL) No need to have "The detective wondered...the reader knows the detective is thinking) Or...alternately if you want to say he "wondered" or thought" you need not use italics. (clear as mud, eh?)
"Oh, baby, you're the best ever, but you know that already, don't 'cha'?"
Marjorie rose from her position upon the bed, beaming her most beatific smile at her prone partner"
(I suggest you switch these two phrases around and put them one right after then other for more coherent and better sound overall.)
What a great piece of work, Dean. Good luck in the contest. Bob
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Hi, Dean. Whew! I love the gaudy chilling photos! This is a long one, my friend. Almost a book length...LOL..Anyway, well worth every bit of the read. I knew you would come up with some good stuff for Halloween. Your imagery is superb and I loved the story as a whole (or is it "hole")
Suggestions, if you don't mind:
"Joel Flanagan got up from his seat, then sauntered over to an expansive bar located at the rear of his lavishly furnished study." (rephrase:
"Flanagan got up and sauntered over to his expansive bar located at the rear of his lavish study."
"What the hell's this guy's deal, anyway, the detective wondered? I'm here to fill him in on the details surrounding the murder of his wife, and he acts like we're old chess-playin' pals, or somethin'. Strange bird. But, if he did do it, he's also an extremely dangerous one.
In a case where you want to reveal the person's thoughts you can go one way or the other but not both at the same tie. hence..if you are thinking...as was this guy...you simply use the italics...(they say "thought" in big red letters.. LOL) No need to have "The detective wondered...the reader knows the detective is thinking) Or...alternately if you want to say he "wondered" or thought" you need not use italics. (clear as mud, eh?)
"Oh, baby, you're the best ever, but you know that already, don't 'cha'?"
Marjorie rose from her position upon the bed, beaming her most beatific smile at her prone partner"
(I suggest you switch these two phrases around and put them one right after then other for more coherent and better sound overall.)
What a great piece of work, Dean. Good luck in the contest. Bob
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Hah, thanks you very much, for you comments, suggestions, and all of those purdy yella stars, LOL...
I took your (always great) advice, and made the changes you've suggested. I'm sure it can only help to make it a more enjoyable story to read.
I knew it was a bit lo-o-o-n-g (ahem, heh), but the plot was so intricate, it was extremely hard to trim it down from it's original draft, to what it is now (there was a lot more about the satanic witch in the original, but it was simply far too long for a Fanstory post!)
Thanks again, my friend. I truly appreciate all of your help!
Comment from Gungalo
OOOOOh Dean, it took me awhile to read this one. I kept getting interrupted. LOL but on doing so, gooooooooooooooooood!! The dog is more of a worry that we think. Great write and a wonderful one for Halloween.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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OOOOOh Dean, it took me awhile to read this one. I kept getting interrupted. LOL but on doing so, gooooooooooooooooood!! The dog is more of a worry that we think. Great write and a wonderful one for Halloween.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Hey, Gungalo, I really appreciate you reading this for me! I am very happy you enjoyed this, and I appreciate you great review.
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Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeezum crow Dean. LOL
Comment from boxergirl
Okay, you win!!! I couldn't even finish the story because I was freaked out by the dog growling. (Will try again later}.
LOL
I don't know what is scarier, your story or the facts in your author's notes. Sent chills up my spine and reminded me of how often these stories pop up on the evening news. Good job and you have my vote! Happy Halloween!!
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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Okay, you win!!! I couldn't even finish the story because I was freaked out by the dog growling. (Will try again later}.
LOL
I don't know what is scarier, your story or the facts in your author's notes. Sent chills up my spine and reminded me of how often these stories pop up on the evening news. Good job and you have my vote! Happy Halloween!!
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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Happy Halloween to you as well, boxergirl, and thanks!
Comment from josieg521
Excellent story for Halloween or any other time! It had everything: well written, set up and organized to the point of perfection, scary, ghoulish, intriguing, and the perfect ending. I loved it!!
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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Excellent story for Halloween or any other time! It had everything: well written, set up and organized to the point of perfection, scary, ghoulish, intriguing, and the perfect ending. I loved it!!
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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Thanks for the wonderful compliment, josieg521! I really appreciate that. I'm very glad that you enjoyed this...
Comment from Hitcher
I'm a big horror fan mate, I cut my teeth as a teen and young adult by reading Stephen King, Dean Koontz's and James Herbert to name but a few. Now movies have taken the place of books unfortunately, But I do enjoy reading them on site, Fleedleflump is a must read when it comes to horror, and you my friend are another, thank you for my fix mate, very impressive, expansive and darn right nasty little horror tale. LOVED IT! Good Luck Dean, a worthy contender for sure :)
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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I'm a big horror fan mate, I cut my teeth as a teen and young adult by reading Stephen King, Dean Koontz's and James Herbert to name but a few. Now movies have taken the place of books unfortunately, But I do enjoy reading them on site, Fleedleflump is a must read when it comes to horror, and you my friend are another, thank you for my fix mate, very impressive, expansive and darn right nasty little horror tale. LOVED IT! Good Luck Dean, a worthy contender for sure :)
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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Thanks very much, Hitch, that's a wonderful compliment, and I am honored that you feel that way.
I do read Fleedleflump, and I enjoy his work, very much. I am also a huge fan of JM daSilva, and Christof McTarnahan. If you haven't had the pleasure of reading these two authors on Fanstory, and you love the horror genre as I do, then do so, ASAP. They never fail to deliver the scares and chills!
Comment from Selina Stambi
Dean, you've done it again .... I turned down the volume and mentally anesthetized myself to read!
This is a very clever plot with complex subplot - my gory friend, I have no option but to salute you and predict yet another win! :)
Spags:
his wife of fourteen years(,) had been murdered
all of your alibis (no apostrophe) check
and out of breath. (no hyphens required). It was
I been in stir all weekend .. in stir? Not sure what you mean here
commit his wife's murder(,) groaned into the receiver
he was abruptly cut off (no hyphen)
this address I'm texting to you now(,) in about
The pair of deceitful lovebirds (no hyphen)
run headlong (no hyphen)into a brick
dog atop its (no apostrophe) head
detectives(') presence,
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Dean, you've done it again .... I turned down the volume and mentally anesthetized myself to read!
This is a very clever plot with complex subplot - my gory friend, I have no option but to salute you and predict yet another win! :)
Spags:
his wife of fourteen years(,) had been murdered
all of your alibis (no apostrophe) check
and out of breath. (no hyphens required). It was
I been in stir all weekend .. in stir? Not sure what you mean here
commit his wife's murder(,) groaned into the receiver
he was abruptly cut off (no hyphen)
this address I'm texting to you now(,) in about
The pair of deceitful lovebirds (no hyphen)
run headlong (no hyphen)into a brick
dog atop its (no apostrophe) head
detectives(') presence,
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Thank very much for the fantastic review, Reach, I am sincerely grateful.
I made the corrections you pointed out, as well. Thanks for all of your help, my friend!
Comment from pbroussard209
Awesome story, full of twist and very creepy. Makes me think twice about my sweet oversized lab, Jax. This was perfect for Halloween and very spooky indeed. As always your work never disappoints.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Awesome story, full of twist and very creepy. Makes me think twice about my sweet oversized lab, Jax. This was perfect for Halloween and very spooky indeed. As always your work never disappoints.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Thank you so much, pbroussard209. I'm very happy to know you've never been let down by reading my work, that's very encouraging.
