Grandfather's Secret Sunflower
Playing hide n sneak and something wonderful happens16 total reviews
Comment from Cookie333
This one took an unexpected twist for this reader my friend. What a lovely image you have created, a young girl turning into a sunflower, almost disappearing from the boys/hunter
Original theme
Thank you
K
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
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This one took an unexpected twist for this reader my friend. What a lovely image you have created, a young girl turning into a sunflower, almost disappearing from the boys/hunter
Original theme
Thank you
K
Comment Written 31-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2013
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Thank you for the wonderful comments
Comment from Dean Kuch
Excellent poem with a wonderful little "twist", Parissa. Great alliteration in the beginning of the poem, then carried very well throughout. Nice meter, good ebb & flow. Your personification of topic was spot-on for this type of piece. Loved the ending...
Very well done, good writing here.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2013
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Excellent poem with a wonderful little "twist", Parissa. Great alliteration in the beginning of the poem, then carried very well throughout. Nice meter, good ebb & flow. Your personification of topic was spot-on for this type of piece. Loved the ending...
Very well done, good writing here.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2013
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Thank you for the great comments.
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My pleasure.
Comment from pipersfancy
Told from the familiarity of a children's game, you take us on a magical romp to unexpected places... where all transformation occurs! Lovely imagery! And, the sunflower happens to be my favourite flower!
Cheers-
PF
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2013
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Told from the familiarity of a children's game, you take us on a magical romp to unexpected places... where all transformation occurs! Lovely imagery! And, the sunflower happens to be my favourite flower!
Cheers-
PF
Comment Written 30-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2013
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Thank you for the great comments.
Comment from Righteous Riter
The writer delivers a message that taps into the mind of the reader. The message make the reader take a second to think. I like the photo as the words bring the photo to life. I see nothing that I would change in this piece. Good job.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2013
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The writer delivers a message that taps into the mind of the reader. The message make the reader take a second to think. I like the photo as the words bring the photo to life. I see nothing that I would change in this piece. Good job.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2013
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Thank you for the great comments.
Comment from ravenblack
Hide and seek, truth or dare and the mad flash-dash through grandpa's garden to forbidden fruit or the sunflowers where you entwine with nature, daring the boys with your new-found power, dare I say sensual self-discovery, taking the fecundity of the garden in- and they slouch like beasts through the weeds. Reading this, I ran with you. Excellent write.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2013
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Hide and seek, truth or dare and the mad flash-dash through grandpa's garden to forbidden fruit or the sunflowers where you entwine with nature, daring the boys with your new-found power, dare I say sensual self-discovery, taking the fecundity of the garden in- and they slouch like beasts through the weeds. Reading this, I ran with you. Excellent write.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2013
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Thank you for the great comments
Comment from RGstar
I wonder if people know how good this poem is? I am pleasantly surprised, I have to be honest , when i saw the sunflower, I thought , ok there are only a few things that can be written using this as a visual. How wrong was I?
You twisted and turned and moved from one sequence to the next telling each part of the story as you went along. It was innocent yet seductive as your words took hold.
The opening two lines of your first stanza, immediately told me this was going to be something good.
''Silky stalks reach for the sultry sun,
Strong stares in children's dares,''
How beautiful is that?
''Strong stares in children's dares'' It means exactly as it says: strength of the stares looking into children's dares..and didn't we all partake of these dares?
''Rushing through emerald bean risings,''
Your verbs and adjectives working together as if they were lovers. Beautiful.
''As my feet sink into the fertile soil,
Frantic follows,
A cunning chameleon rose.
Left at the tire swing,
Right at the chicken coop,
Dart like a dream,
Passing the marveling meticulous farmer.
The estate unveils,''
Then we come to the journey...how fast are you running, or is it slow motion, because I am following you all the way. I can see all that you show me. And you know what Persian, i would love to have been there . It seems , in part, to be a perfect childhood memory.
Until the last part of the poem, when things become familiar, senses are heightened, The sunflower the image, the hiding, the sneezing, the giveaway, the result.
The metaphors are sublime, is it through pain or pleasure..
''My petals drip moist kisses,
On their sweaty hot foreheads,
They disappear in the withering weeds,
As the bees invade my belly.
Scents of solitude,
Whispers winner,
Smiles of success,
Spin the rainbow pinwheel. ''
It is seductive, yet frightening, yet loving , yet unforgiving, yet giving. So many emotions, but if the reader reads and interprets as I, then the roller coaster of emotions brings both a tear of sadness , yet joy to the eye.
And where does it take us from here?
only you know Persian, only you know.
I could read this poem again and again. In fact I will bookmark it.
This is the first poem I have ever bookmarked.
It is beautiful, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I hope those memories have helped o make you the person you are today, and that good has come from it.
From the bottom of my heart. Thank you. I felt every word.
Best wishes Persian. You do have talent, but I also sense a good soul.
I have used all my sixes or this would be getting one. It deserved to be recognized and read by many.
Well done Persian (nice name too)
Take care and have a good day. I will read your poem again in my own time to analyze it more.
Have a good day hope to read more of your work. keep writing you have the know how.
Best wishes,
RGstar
Roy
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2013
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I wonder if people know how good this poem is? I am pleasantly surprised, I have to be honest , when i saw the sunflower, I thought , ok there are only a few things that can be written using this as a visual. How wrong was I?
You twisted and turned and moved from one sequence to the next telling each part of the story as you went along. It was innocent yet seductive as your words took hold.
The opening two lines of your first stanza, immediately told me this was going to be something good.
''Silky stalks reach for the sultry sun,
Strong stares in children's dares,''
How beautiful is that?
''Strong stares in children's dares'' It means exactly as it says: strength of the stares looking into children's dares..and didn't we all partake of these dares?
''Rushing through emerald bean risings,''
Your verbs and adjectives working together as if they were lovers. Beautiful.
''As my feet sink into the fertile soil,
Frantic follows,
A cunning chameleon rose.
Left at the tire swing,
Right at the chicken coop,
Dart like a dream,
Passing the marveling meticulous farmer.
The estate unveils,''
Then we come to the journey...how fast are you running, or is it slow motion, because I am following you all the way. I can see all that you show me. And you know what Persian, i would love to have been there . It seems , in part, to be a perfect childhood memory.
Until the last part of the poem, when things become familiar, senses are heightened, The sunflower the image, the hiding, the sneezing, the giveaway, the result.
The metaphors are sublime, is it through pain or pleasure..
''My petals drip moist kisses,
On their sweaty hot foreheads,
They disappear in the withering weeds,
As the bees invade my belly.
Scents of solitude,
Whispers winner,
Smiles of success,
Spin the rainbow pinwheel. ''
It is seductive, yet frightening, yet loving , yet unforgiving, yet giving. So many emotions, but if the reader reads and interprets as I, then the roller coaster of emotions brings both a tear of sadness , yet joy to the eye.
And where does it take us from here?
only you know Persian, only you know.
I could read this poem again and again. In fact I will bookmark it.
This is the first poem I have ever bookmarked.
It is beautiful, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I hope those memories have helped o make you the person you are today, and that good has come from it.
From the bottom of my heart. Thank you. I felt every word.
Best wishes Persian. You do have talent, but I also sense a good soul.
I have used all my sixes or this would be getting one. It deserved to be recognized and read by many.
Well done Persian (nice name too)
Take care and have a good day. I will read your poem again in my own time to analyze it more.
Have a good day hope to read more of your work. keep writing you have the know how.
Best wishes,
RGstar
Roy
Comment Written 30-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2013
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Wow thank you for the great comments and taking the time to write a review.
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you're welcome
Comment from Louise Michelle
What a creative work this is! At first I thought it was going to be a tribute to the sunflower, but it took a magical turn. Well done, Lou
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2013
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What a creative work this is! At first I thought it was going to be a tribute to the sunflower, but it took a magical turn. Well done, Lou
Comment Written 30-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2013
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Thanks for the great comment.
Comment from kiwijenny
What a wonderful transformation......Hide n seek with a dash of magic.....I loved it ...I love the images .it transported me back to childhood ....
Well done
God bless
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2013
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What a wonderful transformation......Hide n seek with a dash of magic.....I loved it ...I love the images .it transported me back to childhood ....
Well done
God bless
Comment Written 30-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2013
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Thank you for the great review.
Comment from michaelcahill
whoa. I can totally dig this. I had no idea this was going where it went. this unfolded in such an original way it just knocked me out and made me talk like this. some incredibly original images here. there is no school that can teach you this. I loved this to death. can't even talk about it in a scholarly way. mike
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2013
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whoa. I can totally dig this. I had no idea this was going where it went. this unfolded in such an original way it just knocked me out and made me talk like this. some incredibly original images here. there is no school that can teach you this. I loved this to death. can't even talk about it in a scholarly way. mike
Comment Written 30-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2013
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Thank you for the great review.
Comment from adewpearl
Nice use of alliteration starting in the opening line and continuing throughout
wonderful use of personification
vivid descriptive detail with strong sensory appeal
a wonderfully upbeat tone within a beautiful scene :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2013
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Nice use of alliteration starting in the opening line and continuing throughout
wonderful use of personification
vivid descriptive detail with strong sensory appeal
a wonderfully upbeat tone within a beautiful scene :-) Brooke
Comment Written 29-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2013
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Thank you for the great review.
