Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 57 "Chapter 12, part 3"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
66 total reviews
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Oh, I wish I could say that - I'm tired of having money - how I'd love to have enough to help my 3 sons and my daughter with their mortgage. a fast moving chapter, my friend.
he removed his cap and then replaced it.- Barbara - this action seems a bit pointless - for want of a better word -
he removed his cap, scratched his head, and then replaced it.
scalawags
scallywags
Margaret
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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Oh, I wish I could say that - I'm tired of having money - how I'd love to have enough to help my 3 sons and my daughter with their mortgage. a fast moving chapter, my friend.
he removed his cap and then replaced it.- Barbara - this action seems a bit pointless - for want of a better word -
he removed his cap, scratched his head, and then replaced it.
scalawags
scallywags
Margaret
Comment Written 29-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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I have added scratched his head. Thank you for the help. I appreciate it.
Comment from Flamingbush
Hmm, this is good for the most part, but I ran into a little trouble with the dialogue. Billy Joe's comment that "Everybody drives a Jaguar," seemed a little out of place. His comment about Paige being a millionaire heiress would fit better at that point, I think. Just my opinion.
I'm glad you mentioned how the carpet baggers hurt the south after the war, but it might be nice if you explained more about who the carpet baggers were. The next chapter perhaps?
All in all, good work on this. In my mind, you picked just the right chapter, and timing within the chapter, to address Paige's concern over the idea of being taken advantage of for her money. Mary Pat's adjoining comment about Cash's integrity is also timed perfectly and does a great job leading into the next chapter.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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Hmm, this is good for the most part, but I ran into a little trouble with the dialogue. Billy Joe's comment that "Everybody drives a Jaguar," seemed a little out of place. His comment about Paige being a millionaire heiress would fit better at that point, I think. Just my opinion.
I'm glad you mentioned how the carpet baggers hurt the south after the war, but it might be nice if you explained more about who the carpet baggers were. The next chapter perhaps?
All in all, good work on this. In my mind, you picked just the right chapter, and timing within the chapter, to address Paige's concern over the idea of being taken advantage of for her money. Mary Pat's adjoining comment about Cash's integrity is also timed perfectly and does a great job leading into the next chapter.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Curtis Hatch
Barbara,
The story continues to be interesting and riveting. The suspense is always in the background as Paige tries to understand who is after what. Her attitude of the Southern gentlemen being a myth is taken to task by Mary Pat...I'm glad someone is looking out for our reputation. Being an heiress is taking its tole on her.
You may want to consider the following:
"You can leave by choice(,) or I'll help.
Cleve wants it[,](,) the Walkers want it.---wants/want are redundant. Consider using crave or desire.
"Hell(')s bells[.](,) [Now](now) I know a bona( )fied millionaire."
I found one in Billy Joe(,) and you can have one too, if you open your eyes and take a good honest look at Cash."
I hope this is helpful.
Curtis
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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Barbara,
The story continues to be interesting and riveting. The suspense is always in the background as Paige tries to understand who is after what. Her attitude of the Southern gentlemen being a myth is taken to task by Mary Pat...I'm glad someone is looking out for our reputation. Being an heiress is taking its tole on her.
You may want to consider the following:
"You can leave by choice(,) or I'll help.
Cleve wants it[,](,) the Walkers want it.---wants/want are redundant. Consider using crave or desire.
"Hell(')s bells[.](,) [Now](now) I know a bona( )fied millionaire."
I found one in Billy Joe(,) and you can have one too, if you open your eyes and take a good honest look at Cash."
I hope this is helpful.
Curtis
Comment Written 29-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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I wondered about the wants it and want it when I wrote it, but had no ideas. Thank you for the assistance.
Comment from lindalcreel
Thanks for another great addition to this story. I too am curious about the brooch. Pity, that Paige is so distrustful. Maybe she will open her eyes and discover that Cash is an honest, hardworking, southern gentleman. I'm sure we'll find out in due time. Thanks for sharing. This was well done.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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Thanks for another great addition to this story. I too am curious about the brooch. Pity, that Paige is so distrustful. Maybe she will open her eyes and discover that Cash is an honest, hardworking, southern gentleman. I'm sure we'll find out in due time. Thanks for sharing. This was well done.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
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Welcome!
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is a very interesting story. It has a good mixture of dialogue and narration. This propels the story forward and makes it fast-paced and action-packed. This is a well-written piece.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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This is a very interesting story. It has a good mixture of dialogue and narration. This propels the story forward and makes it fast-paced and action-packed. This is a well-written piece.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
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My pleasure.
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
Has room for improvement. A few suggestions:
"As she went inside, the door slammed. WHO SLAMMED IT?
CONSIDER:
"Paige went back inside, slamming the door behind her."
WHO IS SPEAKING? Cash or Paige? or the dog for that matter.
"Cash opened the door, let the dog in, and followed. "Billy Joe and
"...with Morgan at her feet.(implies that he was laying down)
CONSIDER: "...with Morgan nipping at her heels.."
As to the piece, tension building through character contrast and the perils present st the time provide an interesting story. However the Southern twang is missing. As an author of 4 hist/fic novels on the US Civil War, I researched for 5 years and as such agree that carpetbaggers and the vindictive Republican Federals caused many problems for the South during the reconstruction period.
Regards:
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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Has room for improvement. A few suggestions:
"As she went inside, the door slammed. WHO SLAMMED IT?
CONSIDER:
"Paige went back inside, slamming the door behind her."
WHO IS SPEAKING? Cash or Paige? or the dog for that matter.
"Cash opened the door, let the dog in, and followed. "Billy Joe and
"...with Morgan at her feet.(implies that he was laying down)
CONSIDER: "...with Morgan nipping at her heels.."
As to the piece, tension building through character contrast and the perils present st the time provide an interesting story. However the Southern twang is missing. As an author of 4 hist/fic novels on the US Civil War, I researched for 5 years and as such agree that carpetbaggers and the vindictive Republican Federals caused many problems for the South during the reconstruction period.
Regards:
Comment Written 29-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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The only one I try to use the southern twang on is Billy Joe. The rest are pretty educated. Of cour Paige is from the North. I lived outside of Atlanta a few years ago and honestly it was only the older people I heard the twang with. Before that we lived in SC, again, very little twang. Here in TX, once in a while I hear the TX drawl. I think the more our society moves the less difference there is in language. But the old time Southerners still have problems with segregation.
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Dear Barb: I spent 35 days traveling the South and you are right about the 'twang'. Very little amongst the educated, but the white rednecks out in the country stores still had it.
Hugs: Steve C
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very true and that's what I am trying to show with Billy Joe. Although, he's Cash's friend, he is uneducated.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Okay, I agree totally with Mary Pat. Paige needs to open her eyes and see Cash for the fine fella that he is! Send him to me, Barbara. I'll have him. LOL!
Good chapter. I like that they threw the ring at Cleve. Good riddance to him.
One suggestion:
"He's never going to let me forget it, will he?"
He's = He is, so the sentence should end with is he?
You can use
He's never going to let me forget it, is he?
Or
He'll never let me forget it, will he?
Good job though!
Hugs
Av
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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Okay, I agree totally with Mary Pat. Paige needs to open her eyes and see Cash for the fine fella that he is! Send him to me, Barbara. I'll have him. LOL!
Good chapter. I like that they threw the ring at Cleve. Good riddance to him.
One suggestion:
"He's never going to let me forget it, will he?"
He's = He is, so the sentence should end with is he?
You can use
He's never going to let me forget it, is he?
Or
He'll never let me forget it, will he?
Good job though!
Hugs
Av
Comment Written 29-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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Never knew that. Thank you for the kind review and the education.
Comment from rtobaygo
You are an excellent example of how to write a novel with a minimal use of tags and long paragraphs.
Mary Pat glared at Paige: The reader could feel the conflict and Pat's resentment. As always, well done!
Take care,
Ray
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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You are an excellent example of how to write a novel with a minimal use of tags and long paragraphs.
Mary Pat glared at Paige: The reader could feel the conflict and Pat's resentment. As always, well done!
Take care,
Ray
Comment Written 29-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and encouragement.
Comment from Jade Lawson
I enjoyed reading this chapter, emotions of the characters are well conveyed in the narration and dialogue.
The mystery element keeps the reader interested to continue to read ore. Hopefully Paige's research will lead her to somewhere. She is so disappointed with men, particularly because of Clever, I believe, also that everyone wants nothing but her money, she is afraid to trust in love.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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I enjoyed reading this chapter, emotions of the characters are well conveyed in the narration and dialogue.
The mystery element keeps the reader interested to continue to read ore. Hopefully Paige's research will lead her to somewhere. She is so disappointed with men, particularly because of Clever, I believe, also that everyone wants nothing but her money, she is afraid to trust in love.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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Yes, Paige is. You hit the nail on the head. Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome. I think you convey that very well, how afraid she is to love. I think the reader will understand this quite clearly, but perhaps I'm dealing with a character that is also afraid to love, though for different reasons, maybe it was why I discerned that as I read Paige's communication and thoughts.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Barbara:)
I enjoyed this post, but I wish Paige could forget about her bad relationship with Cleve. Somehow he seems to have stolen her trust in men and now she is reading about all the scalawags and thieves, who cheated widows and their children out of their inheritance after the Civil War.
I hope Mary Pat is able to convince Paige that Cash isn't just another fortune hunter looking for a rich girlfriend.. In the end, I'm sure her heart will point the way as the mysteries surrounding he mansion
The changing emontions and great dialog are still keeping this love story alive..
Love and Irish Hugs to keep you writing.
Roger are dissipated.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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Hi Barbara:)
I enjoyed this post, but I wish Paige could forget about her bad relationship with Cleve. Somehow he seems to have stolen her trust in men and now she is reading about all the scalawags and thieves, who cheated widows and their children out of their inheritance after the Civil War.
I hope Mary Pat is able to convince Paige that Cash isn't just another fortune hunter looking for a rich girlfriend.. In the end, I'm sure her heart will point the way as the mysteries surrounding he mansion
The changing emontions and great dialog are still keeping this love story alive..
Love and Irish Hugs to keep you writing.
Roger are dissipated.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2013
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Your last sentenced has me completely confused. Please explain.
