Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 51 "Chapter 11, part 2"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
63 total reviews
Comment from Writingfundimension
Everyone puts their heads together to piece together what's happened. The police seem particularly suspicious of the men. Makes me wonder if Cash's anger has gotten their attention before. Another cliff-hanger, barbara, and a great read.
Warmest regards, Bev
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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Everyone puts their heads together to piece together what's happened. The police seem particularly suspicious of the men. Makes me wonder if Cash's anger has gotten their attention before. Another cliff-hanger, barbara, and a great read.
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment Written 17-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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I always enjoy hearing from you. Thank you for the kind review.
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You're very welcome, barbara. :0) Bev
Comment from kiwijenny
I love this . It Ina's a natural flow and my interest was piqued. Good writing
Well done. Both ladies shook their head ... Seemed awkward. But that is a minute concern. It is well deserving of all time best . Congrats
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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I love this . It Ina's a natural flow and my interest was piqued. Good writing
Well done. Both ladies shook their head ... Seemed awkward. But that is a minute concern. It is well deserving of all time best . Congrats
Comment Written 17-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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Thank you for the kind review. I will recheck that area.
Comment from unimatrix001
The only problem I have with this scene is that the police wouldn't allow anyone back into the house, unescorted, until after thier investigators have cleared the crime scene. The police haven't even started inspecting the scene when they seem to allow our five main characters free run of the house.
I realize the southern dialect is on purpose, but paige usually uses proper grammar:
"But it's been," Paige paused, "over one hundred fifty years ago. - remove the word "ago"
"Since they wore gloves there's won't be any fingerprints. - should there, not there's
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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The only problem I have with this scene is that the police wouldn't allow anyone back into the house, unescorted, until after thier investigators have cleared the crime scene. The police haven't even started inspecting the scene when they seem to allow our five main characters free run of the house.
I realize the southern dialect is on purpose, but paige usually uses proper grammar:
"But it's been," Paige paused, "over one hundred fifty years ago. - remove the word "ago"
"Since they wore gloves there's won't be any fingerprints. - should there, not there's
Comment Written 17-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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The characters have never left the house, yet. I will get on those errors. You're right, Paige has proper grammar.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
A enjoyable chapter, moving the story on - with
the dialogue flowing naturally as they cooperate
with the police.
a couple of minor things, Barbara...
We stopped at Micky D's for burger(s),
the master bedroom, so I get in. ?? so I could get in. or - to get in
and (a) button.
return them tomorrow afternoon.(")
Margaret
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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A enjoyable chapter, moving the story on - with
the dialogue flowing naturally as they cooperate
with the police.
a couple of minor things, Barbara...
We stopped at Micky D's for burger(s),
the master bedroom, so I get in. ?? so I could get in. or - to get in
and (a) button.
return them tomorrow afternoon.(")
Margaret
Comment Written 17-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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Thank you for your eagle eye and I will get on these immediately.
Comment from NaughtieScribe
Okay I understand the ladies want to de-stress after their ordeal. But a bubble bath? Come on Paige do the doctor thing first, the bath can wait.
there's won't be any - there won't.
What' up with the older cop? Why is he on Cash's case even after he said they could clear him as a susspect?
Other than the one minor spag, I found nothing but more cliff hanger in this story. Well done my friend.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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Okay I understand the ladies want to de-stress after their ordeal. But a bubble bath? Come on Paige do the doctor thing first, the bath can wait.
there's won't be any - there won't.
What' up with the older cop? Why is he on Cash's case even after he said they could clear him as a susspect?
Other than the one minor spag, I found nothing but more cliff hanger in this story. Well done my friend.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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I'm wondering what's up with that cop too. Maybe we'll find out. Thank you for the kind review and catch.
Comment from Curtis Hatch
Barbara,
The story continues to be interesting and packed with action and suspense. The latest break in has the police involved, but the clues are limited...leaving the reader to speculate as to what is going on. I enjoyed the read.
"We stopped at Micky D's for burger(s), then went fishin'. That's when Nala called," Billy Joe answered.
After putting [t]his phone away, Cash said, "He's calling his friend to see if the results are back."
Curtis
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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Barbara,
The story continues to be interesting and packed with action and suspense. The latest break in has the police involved, but the clues are limited...leaving the reader to speculate as to what is going on. I enjoyed the read.
"We stopped at Micky D's for burger(s), then went fishin'. That's when Nala called," Billy Joe answered.
After putting [t]his phone away, Cash said, "He's calling his friend to see if the results are back."
Curtis
Comment Written 17-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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Thank you for stopping by and the eagle eye. I will get on those areas immediately.
Comment from alexgeorge
All this hidden in their home? Cash sealed it up tight but it seems someone has sat up and taken notice, and their interest is detrimental. Could his mother's friend have something to do with the break in?
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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All this hidden in their home? Cash sealed it up tight but it seems someone has sat up and taken notice, and their interest is detrimental. Could his mother's friend have something to do with the break in?
Comment Written 17-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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I have never thought of his mother's friend. Hmmmm, interesting twist. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mark Alan Trimeloni
"We stopped at Micky D's for burger, then went fishin'. That's when Nala called," Billy Joe answered.
...at Micky D's for (a) burger,...
We bought some shad and sodas.
Didn't know "shad" was a fish. Had to look it up. Good word.
Cash took out his billfold. "Want to see mine?"
Cash seems just a little too helpful here. I wonder what the cops think.
I have numerous scented bath oils and candles."
hmmm...I'm intrigued.
She stuck out of her tongue.
She stuck out her tongue.
"No, but I could use a drink."
Time to hit the bottle hard and early. Although, I suspect only water or tea will be consumed.
"I'll help and bring in a few things to nibble on."
I like the use of the word "nibble" in this sentence. Makes me think of a little mouse.
"Since they wore gloves there's won't be any fingerprints. We'll never know who did this."
...wore gloves (there) won't be any...
After putting this phone away, Cash said, "He's calling his friend to see if the results are back."
After putting (his) phone away,...
"Not really. I found some jewelry, a few Civil War bills and button. I took them to a friend of my mother's to be authenticated."
...Civil War bills and (a) button.
If you haven't read my previous posts, you'll be confused with this post.
I disagree. I've had no trouble enjoying each part individually.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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"We stopped at Micky D's for burger, then went fishin'. That's when Nala called," Billy Joe answered.
...at Micky D's for (a) burger,...
We bought some shad and sodas.
Didn't know "shad" was a fish. Had to look it up. Good word.
Cash took out his billfold. "Want to see mine?"
Cash seems just a little too helpful here. I wonder what the cops think.
I have numerous scented bath oils and candles."
hmmm...I'm intrigued.
She stuck out of her tongue.
She stuck out her tongue.
"No, but I could use a drink."
Time to hit the bottle hard and early. Although, I suspect only water or tea will be consumed.
"I'll help and bring in a few things to nibble on."
I like the use of the word "nibble" in this sentence. Makes me think of a little mouse.
"Since they wore gloves there's won't be any fingerprints. We'll never know who did this."
...wore gloves (there) won't be any...
After putting this phone away, Cash said, "He's calling his friend to see if the results are back."
After putting (his) phone away,...
"Not really. I found some jewelry, a few Civil War bills and button. I took them to a friend of my mother's to be authenticated."
...Civil War bills and (a) button.
If you haven't read my previous posts, you'll be confused with this post.
I disagree. I've had no trouble enjoying each part individually.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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Thank you for the eagle eye. I appreciate the help and will get on those errors immediately.
Comment from Antonin70
I have been following this story with interest and am glad to say it is keeping up to its high standard very well. In this particular excerpt ,by the nature of the story, there was little to comment on in the way of excitement or fast action but the development of the plot and the exact crime which may or may not have been committed were dealt with well. The dialogue between the main characters was very good, the best aspect of the story so far, but if I had to make a criticism it was that the police officers were rather stereotyped, bordering on cardboard cut out characters. But all round it is still holding my attention which is the main aim of any book.Keep it coming. Anton
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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I have been following this story with interest and am glad to say it is keeping up to its high standard very well. In this particular excerpt ,by the nature of the story, there was little to comment on in the way of excitement or fast action but the development of the plot and the exact crime which may or may not have been committed were dealt with well. The dialogue between the main characters was very good, the best aspect of the story so far, but if I had to make a criticism it was that the police officers were rather stereotyped, bordering on cardboard cut out characters. But all round it is still holding my attention which is the main aim of any book.Keep it coming. Anton
Comment Written 17-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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The police are very minor characters, but I will see what I can do. Thank you for the kind review.
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Pleasure, Barabara. The main point is I'm interested in what happens next, always the sign of a good write. :) A.
Comment from Rondeno
Oh, Ante Bellum tunnels! Hidden treasure! This story is now really flying. I know you have to take time to earn your living, but please keep the story coming!
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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Oh, Ante Bellum tunnels! Hidden treasure! This story is now really flying. I know you have to take time to earn your living, but please keep the story coming!
Comment Written 17-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and the encouraging words.
