Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 50 "Chapter 11, part 1"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
64 total reviews
Comment from Auroraboreal800
Hi Barbara!
I love this chapter with the most recent events. I'm so glad about the girls. As usually, this is very well written and your dialogue is excellent.
Have a wonderful summer vacation!
:)
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Hi Barbara!
I love this chapter with the most recent events. I'm so glad about the girls. As usually, this is very well written and your dialogue is excellent.
Have a wonderful summer vacation!
:)
Comment Written 11-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from emjaihammond
I was happy to find a new post of this story. I see you are on break from school, and I hope you do get to write a lot. I enjoy this story, and this post as well. It was interesting and it held to the story progressing very well. I enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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I was happy to find a new post of this story. I see you are on break from school, and I hope you do get to write a lot. I enjoy this story, and this post as well. It was interesting and it held to the story progressing very well. I enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Barb. How are you doing? Fine,I hope. This is another very interesting chapter in your book. You handle the action very well. I have a couple of suggestions if you don't mind though:
"From a flashlight Billy Joe always carried, a dim light lit the room." Instead of "light and lit" Perhaps.
"Billy carried a flashlight which he used to light the room."
"Cash moved her head to his shoulder, "It's all right," and kissed her forehead." Perhaps for a smoother sound: "It's alright. He kissed her forehead."
our writing is always so well done, Barb. Bob
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Hi, Barb. How are you doing? Fine,I hope. This is another very interesting chapter in your book. You handle the action very well. I have a couple of suggestions if you don't mind though:
"From a flashlight Billy Joe always carried, a dim light lit the room." Instead of "light and lit" Perhaps.
"Billy carried a flashlight which he used to light the room."
"Cash moved her head to his shoulder, "It's all right," and kissed her forehead." Perhaps for a smoother sound: "It's alright. He kissed her forehead."
our writing is always so well done, Barb. Bob
Comment Written 10-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Thank you for the kind review. I will make corrections ASAP.
Comment from donaldww
I'm glad to see the women are safe, after experiencing an attempted robbery and subsequently being tied up and left in a pantry.
Now there was mention of a treasure, but who would know about it? We haven't heard about it before, but at the beginning of the story there was something that happened during the civil war that may be related.
Cheers,
DW
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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I'm glad to see the women are safe, after experiencing an attempted robbery and subsequently being tied up and left in a pantry.
Now there was mention of a treasure, but who would know about it? We haven't heard about it before, but at the beginning of the story there was something that happened during the civil war that may be related.
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 10-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Thank you for the kind review. You are putting the pieces together beautifully.
Comment from bhogg
Barbara - I can learn so much from you! You transition so easy beteween dialog and narrative, and do great on both. A pleasureble read, certainly professional in every way. Bill
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Barbara - I can learn so much from you! You transition so easy beteween dialog and narrative, and do great on both. A pleasureble read, certainly professional in every way. Bill
Comment Written 10-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Cornelius2000
I read some of this story when it first was posted, but neglected to follow through. So I don't know all that has happened, but this chapter is very clear about the most recent events. The dialogue writing is excellent, and the story if very readable.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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I read some of this story when it first was posted, but neglected to follow through. So I don't know all that has happened, but this chapter is very clear about the most recent events. The dialogue writing is excellent, and the story if very readable.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Barbara Wilkey ...
Your story presses on apace, as the saying goes ... and it is still very interesting. There are a few small changes recommended ....
* You have - the back of narrow, long room ...
I suggest - back of a narrow, long room ....
* You have - yelled Billy Joe as the room light up ...
which should be - as the room lit up.
* You have - haveta hurt ... I suggest - have to hurt ...
OR ... have to be painful ....
* You have - not in a treasure chest, but I knew where all the jewels were at." I suggest - but I knew where all the jewels were kept.
* You have - It's swollen pretty good. This is no doubt a local form of expression but I suggest - It's very swollen
* You have - Where's (where is - singular) the girls (plural) ... This should be - Where are the girls ....
* You have - The room goes back a ways. I recommend -
The history of that room goes back a long way.
* You have - "When I couldn't answer, he'd slap me. Then he said it's not in a treasure chest, but I knew where all the jewels were at." I suggest - Then he said ... 'It's not in a treasure chest' but I knew where all the jewels were kept."
Now, I look forward to the next chapter.
Love from .... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Hullo Barbara Wilkey ...
Your story presses on apace, as the saying goes ... and it is still very interesting. There are a few small changes recommended ....
* You have - the back of narrow, long room ...
I suggest - back of a narrow, long room ....
* You have - yelled Billy Joe as the room light up ...
which should be - as the room lit up.
* You have - haveta hurt ... I suggest - have to hurt ...
OR ... have to be painful ....
* You have - not in a treasure chest, but I knew where all the jewels were at." I suggest - but I knew where all the jewels were kept.
* You have - It's swollen pretty good. This is no doubt a local form of expression but I suggest - It's very swollen
* You have - Where's (where is - singular) the girls (plural) ... This should be - Where are the girls ....
* You have - The room goes back a ways. I recommend -
The history of that room goes back a long way.
* You have - "When I couldn't answer, he'd slap me. Then he said it's not in a treasure chest, but I knew where all the jewels were at." I suggest - Then he said ... 'It's not in a treasure chest' but I knew where all the jewels were kept."
Now, I look forward to the next chapter.
Love from .... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Thank you for the kind review. I am making changes ASAP
Comment from Writingfundimension
I can see why the police officer would want to know where the men had been. Now the question of the jewelry is going to be bugging me! Great write, as always, barbara.
Warm regards, Bev
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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I can see why the police officer would want to know where the men had been. Now the question of the jewelry is going to be bugging me! Great write, as always, barbara.
Warm regards, Bev
Comment Written 10-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and your continued support.
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You're welcome, barbara. :0) Bev
Comment from Sasha
I would be terrified if something like that happened to me. As much as I would want to know who did this, I think I'd be on the next plane back home. Great job with this chapter. Of course, now you've got me curious about the treasure. So many questions and no answers.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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I would be terrified if something like that happened to me. As much as I would want to know who did this, I think I'd be on the next plane back home. Great job with this chapter. Of course, now you've got me curious about the treasure. So many questions and no answers.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and your continued support.
Comment from mumsyone
Good chapter, Barbara. Good that the guys found the girls alive.
Morgan barked, turned, and headed toward the back of (the) narrow, long room.
"I found the light," yelled Billy Joe as the room light (lit) up.
"Let's get them outta here(,) then ask questions."
I went outside to take a-look-see (take a look-see) and was hit from behind."
The older police officer (officer's) glance bounced between the two women.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Good chapter, Barbara. Good that the guys found the girls alive.
Morgan barked, turned, and headed toward the back of (the) narrow, long room.
"I found the light," yelled Billy Joe as the room light (lit) up.
"Let's get them outta here(,) then ask questions."
I went outside to take a-look-see (take a look-see) and was hit from behind."
The older police officer (officer's) glance bounced between the two women.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and your continued support. I am making the corrections ASAP
