Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "Chapter 7, Part 6"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
64 total reviews
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
barbara:
Your story, your choice of pictures, I'm thinking.
I think it signifies where Paige fell and where Cash
and Billy Joel found the carving and the Confederate
bill. That being said, I trust your readers are
beginning to see how the ghost walk fits into the
overall story.
thanks for sharing
hope your school year is going well
love,
jan
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
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barbara:
Your story, your choice of pictures, I'm thinking.
I think it signifies where Paige fell and where Cash
and Billy Joel found the carving and the Confederate
bill. That being said, I trust your readers are
beginning to see how the ghost walk fits into the
overall story.
thanks for sharing
hope your school year is going well
love,
jan
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and I hope the readers are catching on too.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
This is an excellent chapter. I've assumed all along that Bradley is the ghost, the CSA button and the five dollar bill, but this ties it down.
I enjoyed this read and have several suggestions:
"Don't know. Check the pictures in the library [downstairs] and see if the names match." When I first read this, I thought it referred to a public library. Maybe I'm the only one, but I did get confused.
"Is that a bale of cotton? Why's that girl sittin on it?" I have a couple of comments here, one merely a modest suggestion. When I've placed dialect in a typical redneck's mouth, I've often converted "of" to "a." This is especially true for expressions like "bale a cotton" or "piece a junk." However, the "of" should remain "of" if the next word begins with a vowel (chunk of ice). I got this idea from reading Joseph Wambaugh's LA cop novels. Also, the word "sittin'" is a spoken contraction and probably should end with an apostrophe.
"At the top stood a very unhappy puppy, trying but afraid to venture to the next step." This is an excellent thing to mention. When our Scotty was a puppy, he would climb to the top of the stairs and then bark at us until somebody carried him back down.
"Y'all [You] climbed up here, now get your butt down." To me, "Y'all" has always been a plural word.
"Cash lay Paige on the couch." The word "lay" is wrong here, but I don't think you want to use the word "laid."
"See that big dark blue binder." This is a question and should end with a ?
Dave
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2013
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Barbara,
This is an excellent chapter. I've assumed all along that Bradley is the ghost, the CSA button and the five dollar bill, but this ties it down.
I enjoyed this read and have several suggestions:
"Don't know. Check the pictures in the library [downstairs] and see if the names match." When I first read this, I thought it referred to a public library. Maybe I'm the only one, but I did get confused.
"Is that a bale of cotton? Why's that girl sittin on it?" I have a couple of comments here, one merely a modest suggestion. When I've placed dialect in a typical redneck's mouth, I've often converted "of" to "a." This is especially true for expressions like "bale a cotton" or "piece a junk." However, the "of" should remain "of" if the next word begins with a vowel (chunk of ice). I got this idea from reading Joseph Wambaugh's LA cop novels. Also, the word "sittin'" is a spoken contraction and probably should end with an apostrophe.
"At the top stood a very unhappy puppy, trying but afraid to venture to the next step." This is an excellent thing to mention. When our Scotty was a puppy, he would climb to the top of the stairs and then bark at us until somebody carried him back down.
"Y'all [You] climbed up here, now get your butt down." To me, "Y'all" has always been a plural word.
"Cash lay Paige on the couch." The word "lay" is wrong here, but I don't think you want to use the word "laid."
"See that big dark blue binder." This is a question and should end with a ?
Dave
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2013
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Thank you for the help. I have made the corrections.
Comment from kcross11
I really have no obvious improvements to make. It's very well written. It's weird not to even have a comma or an adverb to point out, but your piece here is immaculate. It's also well written. Good, consistent characters and a motion that moves. Well done.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
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I really have no obvious improvements to make. It's very well written. It's weird not to even have a comma or an adverb to point out, but your piece here is immaculate. It's also well written. Good, consistent characters and a motion that moves. Well done.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Curtis Hatch
Barbara,
The story continues at an interesting and exciting pace. The action is good, but the suspense is excellent. Not only is there the question of how Paige got into the house, undressed, and dressed for bed. The suspense is further advanced by the Confederate note and a lack of footprints other than Paige's and Morgan's. It is a good read, and I look forward to the next post.
It's worth Six Stars, but the system has me restrained.
Curtis
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Barbara,
The story continues at an interesting and exciting pace. The action is good, but the suspense is excellent. Not only is there the question of how Paige got into the house, undressed, and dressed for bed. The suspense is further advanced by the Confederate note and a lack of footprints other than Paige's and Morgan's. It is a good read, and I look forward to the next post.
It's worth Six Stars, but the system has me restrained.
Curtis
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thank you for the kind review. The virtual six stars are perfect.
Comment from mtnspirit
Hi barbara,
Interesting and well written. I can't wait until Paige manages to prove that her ghost is Bradley. From the looks of things Cash doesn't believe the story of her ghost. Good job and I look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Hi barbara,
Interesting and well written. I can't wait until Paige manages to prove that her ghost is Bradley. From the looks of things Cash doesn't believe the story of her ghost. Good job and I look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from abbasjoy
Wow! This is really getting exciting. So there is in fact a ghost around this place!
I like the narrative which flows smoothly and the joshing back and forth is very friendly and keeps the more serious topic somewhat at bay.
This turn of events has the reader on the edge of their chair and eagerly looking forward to the next chapter.
Great job!
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
 |
Wow! This is really getting exciting. So there is in fact a ghost around this place!
I like the narrative which flows smoothly and the joshing back and forth is very friendly and keeps the more serious topic somewhat at bay.
This turn of events has the reader on the edge of their chair and eagerly looking forward to the next chapter.
Great job!
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
This plot is really picking up the pace now, Barbara. I love a good ghost story, and I love that this might be Bradley come back to help Paige. Nice touch throwing in the Civil War money.
Let's see if Cash buys it.
Have you seen the film 'The Gift' with Cate Blanchett and Keanu Reeves? S'brilliant. The ending of that reminds me of Bradley.
Av
"See that big dark blue binder(?)"
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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This plot is really picking up the pace now, Barbara. I love a good ghost story, and I love that this might be Bradley come back to help Paige. Nice touch throwing in the Civil War money.
Let's see if Cash buys it.
Have you seen the film 'The Gift' with Cate Blanchett and Keanu Reeves? S'brilliant. The ending of that reminds me of Bradley.
Av
"See that big dark blue binder(?)"
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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I have not seen that movie. I will look it up. I will make the correction. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Katniss Everdeen
This is a good story. I was kind of confused with Morgan being a dog, but the rest of the story was very interesting. Overall, good work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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This is a good story. I was kind of confused with Morgan being a dog, but the rest of the story was very interesting. Overall, good work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Morgan was introduced a few chapters back. Thank you for the review and welcome to FS.
Comment from AprilShower
You did well with this, Barbara, and I enjoyed reading it. My favorite part is about the puppy on the stairs and them finding the confederate money. I have no suggestions.
April
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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You did well with this, Barbara, and I enjoyed reading it. My favorite part is about the puppy on the stairs and them finding the confederate money. I have no suggestions.
April
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Dawn Munro
You've written a fabulous chapter here, my friend! I LOVE the part about the puppy the best, though, and when the two men were investigating, right at the start. Simply wonderful, Barb. :)
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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You've written a fabulous chapter here, my friend! I LOVE the part about the puppy the best, though, and when the two men were investigating, right at the start. Simply wonderful, Barb. :)
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
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My pleasure, Barbara.
