Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Chapter 5, part 5"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
68 total reviews
Comment from LScribeHarris
Nice work with the dialog and action in this scene! The only reason this is a four and not a five for me is that I missed reading about the main character's internal reactions to what was going on. I wasn't sure whose POV it was in for a while, before deciding it must be in Paige's.
I think what you've got here is good, but I really want to know what your main character is thinking. People don't say everything we think, and we notice a lot that isn't pointed out in dialog. I want to feel like I'm inside your main character's head. I want to know what she's feeling and what she's thinking that she isn't saying. Internal dialog would help make me feel closer to the main character and thus sympathize with her.
The most powerful thing about fiction, in my opinion, is that it does something neither films nor plays can do: it takes us into the minds of the characters and shows us what they're thinking. I think if you can work more of that into the chapter, the overall level of this will kick up to at LEAST five stars. :)
I always reread, so if you do revisions, let me know (and also remind me which chapter if it's after more than a few days).
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Nice work with the dialog and action in this scene! The only reason this is a four and not a five for me is that I missed reading about the main character's internal reactions to what was going on. I wasn't sure whose POV it was in for a while, before deciding it must be in Paige's.
I think what you've got here is good, but I really want to know what your main character is thinking. People don't say everything we think, and we notice a lot that isn't pointed out in dialog. I want to feel like I'm inside your main character's head. I want to know what she's feeling and what she's thinking that she isn't saying. Internal dialog would help make me feel closer to the main character and thus sympathize with her.
The most powerful thing about fiction, in my opinion, is that it does something neither films nor plays can do: it takes us into the minds of the characters and shows us what they're thinking. I think if you can work more of that into the chapter, the overall level of this will kick up to at LEAST five stars. :)
I always reread, so if you do revisions, let me know (and also remind me which chapter if it's after more than a few days).
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Shirley McLain
You've done a great job at building the tension between cash and Paige. I'm looking forward as always to reading the next chapter.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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You've done a great job at building the tension between cash and Paige. I'm looking forward as always to reading the next chapter.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and encouraging words.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Barbara:)
I never heard of a blue-eyed ghost. Are you sure that picture isn't someone just wanting a free slice of pizza. Paige and Cach re getting silly with their bets. a sure sign that something more intimate is developing. They may not recognize the growing bonds, but their friends certainly seem to recognize the signs.
Somehow I expect Cash to win the bet and if they camp out in a Georgia swamp, they will soon need only one tent. Bears and jaguars, you know.
Love and Irish Hugs,
Roger
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Hi Barbara:)
I never heard of a blue-eyed ghost. Are you sure that picture isn't someone just wanting a free slice of pizza. Paige and Cach re getting silly with their bets. a sure sign that something more intimate is developing. They may not recognize the growing bonds, but their friends certainly seem to recognize the signs.
Somehow I expect Cash to win the bet and if they camp out in a Georgia swamp, they will soon need only one tent. Bears and jaguars, you know.
Love and Irish Hugs,
Roger
Comment Written 13-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and encouraging words. It's the only ghost eating pizza I could find.
Comment from mizzkris20
I enjoyed this chapter. It was very descriptive and the interactions between the character are perfectly crafted. I will have to keep a eye out for the next part
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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I enjoyed this chapter. It was very descriptive and the interactions between the character are perfectly crafted. I will have to keep a eye out for the next part
Comment Written 12-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and encouraging words.
Comment from TKField
Well things are getter stranger and stranger as the weird sounds keep clunking and clinking. I've been following this story and I know it must be building up to something and I can't wait til something finally happens. Lots of dialogue keep this treading water for the moment, but that must be on purpose to build the tension. This made me hungry foe a sausage pizza.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Well things are getter stranger and stranger as the weird sounds keep clunking and clinking. I've been following this story and I know it must be building up to something and I can't wait til something finally happens. Lots of dialogue keep this treading water for the moment, but that must be on purpose to build the tension. This made me hungry foe a sausage pizza.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and encouraging words.
Comment from Otto Loewi
Another great chapter. The snappy dialogue keeps this moving at a quick, enjoyable pace. I like the interaction between your characters about whether or not ghosts exist.
Nice work.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Another great chapter. The snappy dialogue keeps this moving at a quick, enjoyable pace. I like the interaction between your characters about whether or not ghosts exist.
Nice work.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and encouraging words.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Btw - I forgot to tell you the last time, I love your comments about describing characters - may I borrow them for my author's notes when I start posting new chapters?
Barbara, this is a sweet chapter - I love what's developing in these relationships, especially between Paige and Cash. I have to say something though, and it is possibly all wrong because we are told over and over again. 'show', don't 'tell', but honestly, I LIKE a little more 'tell'. All the old classics have a LOT of it, and when it's good, there is not one thing wrong with it, in my opinion. I WANT a bit more description in my stories - not so much that it gets 'bogged down' mind you, but descriptive narrative, to me, adds color. I'm still wonderfully involved when it's done right, and that's what's preached as the problem with too much descriptive narrative.
Now you might not agree, and of course it wouldn't offend me in the least, but I thought I should put that out there, as food for thought, if nothing else. (I just had a lengthy discussion with the author who placed first to my second-place win about that - if you get a chance, read her story - man, that is descriptive narrative, and then some! It's amazing - it almost reads like Dickens. And obviously it is not as unpopular as some would have us believe! (The story is "Widdershins", by ElizaDark - she's a brand new member (October) and if you ask me, a VERY talented writer.)
I hope you're okay with my offering this possible suggestion...
Love,
Dawn
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Btw - I forgot to tell you the last time, I love your comments about describing characters - may I borrow them for my author's notes when I start posting new chapters?
Barbara, this is a sweet chapter - I love what's developing in these relationships, especially between Paige and Cash. I have to say something though, and it is possibly all wrong because we are told over and over again. 'show', don't 'tell', but honestly, I LIKE a little more 'tell'. All the old classics have a LOT of it, and when it's good, there is not one thing wrong with it, in my opinion. I WANT a bit more description in my stories - not so much that it gets 'bogged down' mind you, but descriptive narrative, to me, adds color. I'm still wonderfully involved when it's done right, and that's what's preached as the problem with too much descriptive narrative.
Now you might not agree, and of course it wouldn't offend me in the least, but I thought I should put that out there, as food for thought, if nothing else. (I just had a lengthy discussion with the author who placed first to my second-place win about that - if you get a chance, read her story - man, that is descriptive narrative, and then some! It's amazing - it almost reads like Dickens. And obviously it is not as unpopular as some would have us believe! (The story is "Widdershins", by ElizaDark - she's a brand new member (October) and if you ask me, a VERY talented writer.)
I hope you're okay with my offering this possible suggestion...
Love,
Dawn
Comment Written 12-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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You have a right to your opinion.. I don't like a lot of description. I like to use my imagination. I am sure that's why there are so many different styles of authors. Of course you can use my notes. Thank you for the kind review and encouraging words.
Comment from Stalking Wolf
The scuttlebutt of young people is the same no matter North or South. The banter is realistic and funny to boot, So sad that I bet Paige will win and the poor boy will have to get painted fingernails, so gross, LOL. Cool.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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The scuttlebutt of young people is the same no matter North or South. The banter is realistic and funny to boot, So sad that I bet Paige will win and the poor boy will have to get painted fingernails, so gross, LOL. Cool.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and encouraging words.
Comment from bookishfabler
I know I didn't catch this whole book this time, but I am catching up. I believe I might have gottent he beginning but I have been so busy,I haven't been around. I miss you and Fanstory. Great chapter, very realistic.
hugs
book
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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I know I didn't catch this whole book this time, but I am catching up. I believe I might have gottent he beginning but I have been so busy,I haven't been around. I miss you and Fanstory. Great chapter, very realistic.
hugs
book
Comment Written 12-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and encouraging words. I miss you too.
Comment from Humbly K
An enjoyable read. Interesting, realistic and easy to relate to characters. An enjoyable dialogue going on between characters which I most enjoyed.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2012
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An enjoyable read. Interesting, realistic and easy to relate to characters. An enjoyable dialogue going on between characters which I most enjoyed.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and your encouraging words.
