Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Chapter 5.part 3"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
70 total reviews
Comment from mumsyone
Another good chapter, Barbara. From the reactions of the other girls, I'm assuming that Paige will find out that the waitress is Cash's sister, or some other relative? (No need to tell, just thinking...)
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2012
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Another good chapter, Barbara. From the reactions of the other girls, I'm assuming that Paige will find out that the waitress is Cash's sister, or some other relative? (No need to tell, just thinking...)
Comment Written 28-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from donaldww
I guess my new friends aren't very tolerant of peoples' differences.
Just a suggestion. I had already gotten the gist of what this thought expressses without this explicit sentence. What if you either cut it or just have Paige give them a funny look, which I think the reader would understand. More showing than telling.
Excellent chapter!
Cheers,
DW
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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I guess my new friends aren't very tolerant of peoples' differences.
Just a suggestion. I had already gotten the gist of what this thought expressses without this explicit sentence. What if you either cut it or just have Paige give them a funny look, which I think the reader would understand. More showing than telling.
Excellent chapter!
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 28-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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I will recheck that area. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from GrayWitch
I enjoyed the story and liked the details about the too sweet "sweet tea"...The unwanted attention from the department head added some conflict to the developing story line that leaves the reader wondering what will happen next.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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I enjoyed the story and liked the details about the too sweet "sweet tea"...The unwanted attention from the department head added some conflict to the developing story line that leaves the reader wondering what will happen next.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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You gave me a five star review but only four stars. Please tell me what to fix so I can receive five stars. Thank you for reading.
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I guess what I missed was some explanation about who Cash is and why he is a part of the story...seemed like a loose end to me...
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He's the hero! If you had read more or the back ground you would know that.
Comment from Paperclip
Your writing is extremely fluid, and the control of your word is noteworthy. Did you spell masseuse wrong?
This seems to be a part of a collection, and I've only scanned this part, so I critique with that in mind.
There seems to have been a devolution of the Page as she moves from the mistress to an insecure position via Dr. Walker's entrance.
I seemed to have missed what made Dr. Walker undesirable. If this was something that is intuited, then I recommend delivering a trait of Dr. Walker, to the reader, that displays this. If I missed something, because I am male, then forgive me.
Normally in a work, there is character growth which is represented by a character handling a dilemma twice, once badly and the second time 'anew', delivered by the events the character has coursed throughout the story. I just don't see this here. I mentioned there was a devolution which certainly could be this change, but it is unclear (ooohh, the masseuse...) why she handled her working boss...
Ok, I get it. She's charmed by Dr. Walker as delivered by the masseuse. But I don't get it, are you poking fun at all your readers for a silent laugh?. A commentary on women's gossip? Why did I read this? Pardon my gender gap.
You write extremely well, but I am curious the message you are seeking to deliver. Id love to know.
Paperclip
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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Your writing is extremely fluid, and the control of your word is noteworthy. Did you spell masseuse wrong?
This seems to be a part of a collection, and I've only scanned this part, so I critique with that in mind.
There seems to have been a devolution of the Page as she moves from the mistress to an insecure position via Dr. Walker's entrance.
I seemed to have missed what made Dr. Walker undesirable. If this was something that is intuited, then I recommend delivering a trait of Dr. Walker, to the reader, that displays this. If I missed something, because I am male, then forgive me.
Normally in a work, there is character growth which is represented by a character handling a dilemma twice, once badly and the second time 'anew', delivered by the events the character has coursed throughout the story. I just don't see this here. I mentioned there was a devolution which certainly could be this change, but it is unclear (ooohh, the masseuse...) why she handled her working boss...
Ok, I get it. She's charmed by Dr. Walker as delivered by the masseuse. But I don't get it, are you poking fun at all your readers for a silent laugh?. A commentary on women's gossip? Why did I read this? Pardon my gender gap.
You write extremely well, but I am curious the message you are seeking to deliver. Id love to know.
Paperclip
Comment Written 28-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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No I did not spell it wrong. I use US spelling.
I think maybe you should rescan the post. It is 1000 words of a 60000 word novel. Thank you
Comment from Janie King
I'll have to go back and catch up last weeks chapter..Mom was in the hospital from early Sunday morning until Thursday afternoon. I had to stay with her 24/7...nothing like sleeping in a chair for five days..but the Lord was good and it really wasn't too bad. Good chapter..I highly doubt Cash will let Paige paint his nails. Good chapter. I love line dancing..I used to do it when I danced on a clogging team. God bless.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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I'll have to go back and catch up last weeks chapter..Mom was in the hospital from early Sunday morning until Thursday afternoon. I had to stay with her 24/7...nothing like sleeping in a chair for five days..but the Lord was good and it really wasn't too bad. Good chapter..I highly doubt Cash will let Paige paint his nails. Good chapter. I love line dancing..I used to do it when I danced on a clogging team. God bless.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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I will pray for your mother. I hope she's doing better. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from OLA THOMAS
Some sort of suggestive gossips about Cash and Paige in this, which makes a fun. Good posting, smooth and rich too. I cannot see any obvious mistake in this post.
ola thomas
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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Some sort of suggestive gossips about Cash and Paige in this, which makes a fun. Good posting, smooth and rich too. I cannot see any obvious mistake in this post.
ola thomas
Comment Written 28-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from BethShelby
I really enjoyed the story and the video of the line dancing. That looks like such fun. I wish I dared try it. The girls night sounds like great fun too. My daughter is a massage thrapist so I've only got massages from her. Not naughty but it does feel good. Dwayne Walker sounds like bad news.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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I really enjoyed the story and the video of the line dancing. That looks like such fun. I wish I dared try it. The girls night sounds like great fun too. My daughter is a massage thrapist so I've only got massages from her. Not naughty but it does feel good. Dwayne Walker sounds like bad news.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and insight.
Comment from jjstar
Woo Hoo! A girl's day! How much fun would that be? And a massage!!! Yummy! What a perfect thing to do as a new girl in town. Then the old buzzkill has to show up and give everyone the creeps...
Thanks for the video and line dance.Love Alan and line dancing..boy, it's been a long time though...
Have an awesome week. How's the class this year? Are they still kindergartners, or do we have full fledged first graders?
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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Woo Hoo! A girl's day! How much fun would that be? And a massage!!! Yummy! What a perfect thing to do as a new girl in town. Then the old buzzkill has to show up and give everyone the creeps...
Thanks for the video and line dance.Love Alan and line dancing..boy, it's been a long time though...
Have an awesome week. How's the class this year? Are they still kindergartners, or do we have full fledged first graders?
Comment Written 28-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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Yes, they are still kindergartners. There's always one in every group. Thank you for the kind review.
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You're so welcome, and I'm sorry...don't know how you do it. I still think back in dread of when I was in a Kindergarten classroom. I screwed up the order of calendar and weather. Two little girls just melted into tears. Hats off to you to be able to teach and write..I know how hard it is!
Comment from Eternal Muse
It was a very well writtern and exciting story, with a killer picture and a great use of a dialogue which is the secret to every successful story. It was well narrated with a good pace; your characters literally come to life with your words; and I like the way they interact with one another. This could be turned to a soap opera screen version - write to Hollywood! (lol).
It is always a pleasure to read a well written story.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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It was a very well writtern and exciting story, with a killer picture and a great use of a dialogue which is the secret to every successful story. It was well narrated with a good pace; your characters literally come to life with your words; and I like the way they interact with one another. This could be turned to a soap opera screen version - write to Hollywood! (lol).
It is always a pleasure to read a well written story.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and encouraging words.
Comment from roseellen
A lot of girl talk going on here, Made me wonder how I ever lived through that era of my own. The Mary Pat name stopped me thinking Two people,
The several names were a lot to consume so early in the piece, so I had to keep going back to refresh who was whome. but you kept the talk interesting and more in a mature vein which helped a lot, toward the end the talk cools when an intruder calls and I feel something may well be worthy of a read re the next chapter in it.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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A lot of girl talk going on here, Made me wonder how I ever lived through that era of my own. The Mary Pat name stopped me thinking Two people,
The several names were a lot to consume so early in the piece, so I had to keep going back to refresh who was whome. but you kept the talk interesting and more in a mature vein which helped a lot, toward the end the talk cools when an intruder calls and I feel something may well be worthy of a read re the next chapter in it.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2012
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Mary Pat is a southern name for a southern gal. These people have been part of the novel since the beginning. No one else has had problems with them. Thank you.
