Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Chapter 5.part 3"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
70 total reviews
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
I indulged myself by reading about such indulgence, although the post took a sinister turn at the end. I enjoyed this read and found nothing to criticize.
Dave
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2012
  |
Barbara,
I indulged myself by reading about such indulgence, although the post took a sinister turn at the end. I enjoyed this read and found nothing to criticize.
Dave
Comment Written 29-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2012
-
Thank you soooo much for the kind review.
Comment from Adri7enne
Good chapter, Barb. Sounds like the girls are having a fun get together. I love the artwork with the great nails. Nice!
I don't remember running into that doctor before. He sounds plenty creepy, all right.
Fun chapter.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2012
 |
Good chapter, Barb. Sounds like the girls are having a fun get together. I love the artwork with the great nails. Nice!
I don't remember running into that doctor before. He sounds plenty creepy, all right.
Fun chapter.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
A good solid chapter, Barbara. Well written - I loved the interaction between the girls. Great use of dialogue.
A few suggestions:
"Who would've thought having your back pounded would've felt so good(?)" - This is a question, albeit a hypothetical one.
"Obviously, may I come in?" - Suggest splitting. "Obviously. May I come in?"
she noticed he searched her body when she walked. - suggest she noticed his eyes searching her body..
"Yes. I'm sorry, but I already have plans." - for more impact (this guy is pretty ewww!) I'd drop the 'yes'. It makes her response more of a snub to his question. Simply: "I'm sorry, but I already have plans."
A very polite way of telling him to get lost!
Good work, my friend. A nice hint of menace at the end.
Hugs, Av
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2012
|
A good solid chapter, Barbara. Well written - I loved the interaction between the girls. Great use of dialogue.
A few suggestions:
"Who would've thought having your back pounded would've felt so good(?)" - This is a question, albeit a hypothetical one.
"Obviously, may I come in?" - Suggest splitting. "Obviously. May I come in?"
she noticed he searched her body when she walked. - suggest she noticed his eyes searching her body..
"Yes. I'm sorry, but I already have plans." - for more impact (this guy is pretty ewww!) I'd drop the 'yes'. It makes her response more of a snub to his question. Simply: "I'm sorry, but I already have plans."
A very polite way of telling him to get lost!
Good work, my friend. A nice hint of menace at the end.
Hugs, Av
Comment Written 29-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2012
-
Again, thank you for the help. I made the suggested corrections.
Comment from Sasha
Dr. Walker certainly sounds creepy. I hope he doesn't cause any trouble for Paige. This was a fun chapter with everyone having a girls day. I wouldn't mind having one too.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2012
|
Dr. Walker certainly sounds creepy. I hope he doesn't cause any trouble for Paige. This was a fun chapter with everyone having a girls day. I wouldn't mind having one too.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Barbara .....
Having reached the end of this chapter and read what you have written your Notes about errors in dialogue being intentional, I will not mention them although I do think that where you have "Me neither" it would be better as
"Nor me."
* You have - Mary Pat lifted a flesh tone bottle up and laughed. I suggest - Mary Pat laughed as she lifted a flesh-tone bottle.
* You have - Are you going to be all right? It is usual to say ... to be alright ...
Now, I look forward to your next chapter.
Love from .... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2012
|
Hullo Barbara .....
Having reached the end of this chapter and read what you have written your Notes about errors in dialogue being intentional, I will not mention them although I do think that where you have "Me neither" it would be better as
"Nor me."
* You have - Mary Pat lifted a flesh tone bottle up and laughed. I suggest - Mary Pat laughed as she lifted a flesh-tone bottle.
* You have - Are you going to be all right? It is usual to say ... to be alright ...
Now, I look forward to your next chapter.
Love from .... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2012
-
Nala is very uneducated she would not say 'nor me'. According to my dictionary. All right should NEVER be written as one word. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Barbara,
I have had little computer time lately but glad I didn't miss reading this chapter. You chose the perfect picture to enhance your well chosen words and the plot. I love what Paige and her friends did for a girls day...I should do that! I think your new character, Dwayne Walker is going to pose a problem for Paige and maybe Cash, as well. This story just gets better and better....blessings, chey
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2012
|
Hi Barbara,
I have had little computer time lately but glad I didn't miss reading this chapter. You chose the perfect picture to enhance your well chosen words and the plot. I love what Paige and her friends did for a girls day...I should do that! I think your new character, Dwayne Walker is going to pose a problem for Paige and maybe Cash, as well. This story just gets better and better....blessings, chey
Comment Written 29-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2012
-
Dwayne isn't new. We met him when Paige when to SCAD and again when Paige and Cash went to the River Walk. Thank you for the kind review.
-
oh yes, now I remember!
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Barbara,
Hmm, this Dr Walker sounds extremely creepy. Good chapter, it sounds like the 'girls' had a lot of fun.
Patrick
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2012
|
Hi Barbara,
Hmm, this Dr Walker sounds extremely creepy. Good chapter, it sounds like the 'girls' had a lot of fun.
Patrick
Comment Written 29-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from mizzkris20
Great chapter...it is always a pleasure
to read your work. you are an amazing writer
pedicures and manicures, now that's having a good time
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2012
|
Great chapter...it is always a pleasure
to read your work. you are an amazing writer
pedicures and manicures, now that's having a good time
Comment Written 29-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from justatuna
Another great story. You really do an excellent job. Never disappointed taking the time. Exellent flow and imagery. Again, you allow the reader to be in the story. Very well done. Thanks.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2012
|
Another great story. You really do an excellent job. Never disappointed taking the time. Exellent flow and imagery. Again, you allow the reader to be in the story. Very well done. Thanks.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
A veyr good and exciting chapter. I enjoyed reading your well written story. I can see no reason to suggest any change in it and you displayed it so reader could easily read your script.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2012
|
A veyr good and exciting chapter. I enjoyed reading your well written story. I can see no reason to suggest any change in it and you displayed it so reader could easily read your script.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.
