Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Chapter 4, Part 4"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
67 total reviews
Comment from nor84
It's quite late here, or quite early. I make it just after 2 AM. I'm dictating this, so you may get something that doesn't make any sense, but that rhymes with something that does. If you can't understand it, drop me a note.
"The tunnel ended at the wooded area of the park. The tunnel was used for a morgue while they awaited burial and for autopsies and medical experiments.>>> I suggest taking a look at these two sentences because they both begin "the tunnel".
Paige looked around at the somber group. Silence filled the air.
*****
Eventually, the group crept along >> fairly close repeat of "group"
red brick two-story house comes out this way when I dictated, so I think you don't need to have a hyphen in red brick.
"The book tells the story of Danny Hansford's murder, but there were two previous deaths in this house. First, a previous >>> close repeat of "previous"
A young boy was chasing some pigeons from the roof and fell over the edge and impaled himself on the iron fence below." >>> You could take out the "and" after "roof" and replace it with a comma.
There are several repeats of "house". I suggest getting rid of a few of them by using synonyms such as place, home, residence, etc., as you think appropriate.
"It's now a hotel with some interesting heritage." >>> Probably and interesting heritage. "Some" seems out of place.
"Actually(,) which place is the most haunted depends
During the 1957 renovation, human remains were discovered buried in the rear yard under the floorboard (floorboards) of a storage shed.
Interesting.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2012
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It's quite late here, or quite early. I make it just after 2 AM. I'm dictating this, so you may get something that doesn't make any sense, but that rhymes with something that does. If you can't understand it, drop me a note.
"The tunnel ended at the wooded area of the park. The tunnel was used for a morgue while they awaited burial and for autopsies and medical experiments.>>> I suggest taking a look at these two sentences because they both begin "the tunnel".
Paige looked around at the somber group. Silence filled the air.
*****
Eventually, the group crept along >> fairly close repeat of "group"
red brick two-story house comes out this way when I dictated, so I think you don't need to have a hyphen in red brick.
"The book tells the story of Danny Hansford's murder, but there were two previous deaths in this house. First, a previous >>> close repeat of "previous"
A young boy was chasing some pigeons from the roof and fell over the edge and impaled himself on the iron fence below." >>> You could take out the "and" after "roof" and replace it with a comma.
There are several repeats of "house". I suggest getting rid of a few of them by using synonyms such as place, home, residence, etc., as you think appropriate.
"It's now a hotel with some interesting heritage." >>> Probably and interesting heritage. "Some" seems out of place.
"Actually(,) which place is the most haunted depends
During the 1957 renovation, human remains were discovered buried in the rear yard under the floorboard (floorboards) of a storage shed.
Interesting.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2012
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Sorry for the lateness of my reply. I wanted to have time to make the corrections before I replied. Thank you for your eagle eye.
Comment from misscookie
Bravo to the people who went into the haunted building. I dread going to a spook house at an amustment park.
I'm glad I"m reading this early in the morning if it was night time I couldn't sleep.
This is a good write.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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Bravo to the people who went into the haunted building. I dread going to a spook house at an amustment park.
I'm glad I"m reading this early in the morning if it was night time I couldn't sleep.
This is a good write.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the kind review. So do I.
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Your very welcome.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Barbara:)
Another nice chapter blending the history and folklore of Savannah. Is Cash becoming a believer in ghosts? He has certainly quite teasing Paige about her supposed ghost. As usual, I have some specific comments:
1. "I'm not sure. I can feel the atrocities that happened to people here. I need a minute." Paige looked around at the somber group. Silence filled the air. {Did Paige really want to wait a minute so she could feel the atrocities from the old hospital?}
2. Paige said, "I know." Evan nodded for her to continue. "There's a book and movie titled, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. The movie was filmed here." {I just ordered the movie from Netflix. I have been planing to watch it soon.}
3. I'm changing my hotel reservations." The man in his twenties chuckled. "I want to see some real ghosts. {Nice touch to have someone want to move into the haunted hotel. In a way this would be like the Lizzy Borden House in Fall River, Massachusetts. It is now a bread and breakfast boarding house. My granddaughter lives nearby with her family. She reports that many overnight guests request the bedrooms where the gristly murders took place.}
This book keeps getting better. I tried to give you six stars, but FanStory said it was too soon,
Love and Irish Hugs,
Roger
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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Hi Barbara:)
Another nice chapter blending the history and folklore of Savannah. Is Cash becoming a believer in ghosts? He has certainly quite teasing Paige about her supposed ghost. As usual, I have some specific comments:
1. "I'm not sure. I can feel the atrocities that happened to people here. I need a minute." Paige looked around at the somber group. Silence filled the air. {Did Paige really want to wait a minute so she could feel the atrocities from the old hospital?}
2. Paige said, "I know." Evan nodded for her to continue. "There's a book and movie titled, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. The movie was filmed here." {I just ordered the movie from Netflix. I have been planing to watch it soon.}
3. I'm changing my hotel reservations." The man in his twenties chuckled. "I want to see some real ghosts. {Nice touch to have someone want to move into the haunted hotel. In a way this would be like the Lizzy Borden House in Fall River, Massachusetts. It is now a bread and breakfast boarding house. My granddaughter lives nearby with her family. She reports that many overnight guests request the bedrooms where the gristly murders took place.}
This book keeps getting better. I tried to give you six stars, but FanStory said it was too soon,
Love and Irish Hugs,
Roger
Comment Written 25-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the kind review. I meant that Paige needed a minute to get herself under control. I guess I didn't make it clear.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
barbara:
Cash has seen ghosts in the cemetery -- now Paige is
feeling the spirits of the dead. It makes one wonder
if any of these are in any way attached to Paige's
house or somehow connected to her ghosts.
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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barbara:
Cash has seen ghosts in the cemetery -- now Paige is
feeling the spirits of the dead. It makes one wonder
if any of these are in any way attached to Paige's
house or somehow connected to her ghosts.
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
Comment Written 24-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Curly Girly
This was quite an interesting read. I found it interesting and the story leads on. I can find no need of corrections here. All your SPAG seems very good to me. Well done with this. CG
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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This was quite an interesting read. I found it interesting and the story leads on. I can find no need of corrections here. All your SPAG seems very good to me. Well done with this. CG
Comment Written 24-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Stalking Wolf
Will be interesting to find out about the ghosts but is enjoyable in its own right, like ghost stories. Great detail given along the tour. Enjoying and waiting for more.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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Will be interesting to find out about the ghosts but is enjoyable in its own right, like ghost stories. Great detail given along the tour. Enjoying and waiting for more.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mishelly
This continues to be enjoyable. The history of Savannah is so rich. I could easily visualize how haunted these places must feel to anyone visiting. I've learnt so much about Savannah from your writing, and I can't wait to learn even more.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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This continues to be enjoyable. The history of Savannah is so rich. I could easily visualize how haunted these places must feel to anyone visiting. I've learnt so much about Savannah from your writing, and I can't wait to learn even more.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Carolyn Hilliard
Hi Barbara. Just finished reading all of chapter 4. Great job. The history was interesting and with the tour it added suspense and intrigue to your story.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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Hi Barbara. Just finished reading all of chapter 4. Great job. The history was interesting and with the tour it added suspense and intrigue to your story.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Janie King
Very good my dear..my nature tells me I'd make reservation for a different town, even a different state....better yet I'd go home...but then I'm a bit of a coward. Good chapter. God bless.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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Very good my dear..my nature tells me I'd make reservation for a different town, even a different state....better yet I'd go home...but then I'm a bit of a coward. Good chapter. God bless.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Taffspride
Another very well written chapter. I got goose bumps just reading it. Once again your research has been thorough, and it shows in your writing.
If I had anything to really criticize it would be just the lack of development of the plot. I would like more showing and less telling.
Just one other little error that I noticed:
"Today guests have reported seeing.. [ Today, guests...]
Good reading.
Iechyd da
Taffspride
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2012
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Another very well written chapter. I got goose bumps just reading it. Once again your research has been thorough, and it shows in your writing.
If I had anything to really criticize it would be just the lack of development of the plot. I would like more showing and less telling.
Just one other little error that I noticed:
"Today guests have reported seeing.. [ Today, guests...]
Good reading.
Iechyd da
Taffspride
Comment Written 24-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
