Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Chapter 4, Part 2"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
77 total reviews
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
Shiver me timbers! Good way to start this chapter. I enjoyed reading it, especially Cash's skepticism and the vision he sees. Paige's "Boo!" is really good.
So far, I don't think you're spending too much time on the ghost tour. If you or your reviewers think otherwise, you could delete a few houses, etc. that don't play a role in the rest of the novel.
I enjoyed this read and have several suggestions:
"The pirates have been known to get a man so drunk he {would've} passed out. Later when he woke up, he was sailing the ocean forced into service as a deckhand on a pirate ship. This is where the term 'shanghaied' originated." I don't think you need the word "would've." Also, I think the term "shanghaied" came from California's gold rush, where ships setting out from San Francisco were chronically undermanned. Men in the saloons passed out and later discovered they were on ships sailing to Shanghai.
"Once an Indian burial ground, it has been reported a few Native Americans still make their presence known." This sentence seems a bit awkward. The "it has been reported" is better for a treatise than a novel. I'd write, "This was once an Indian burial ground. Some say a few Native Americans still make their presence known."
"It was a headquarters for a Yankee general during the Civil War." Do you know which one? Sherman, Hooker, Howard all come to mind.
Dave
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Barbara,
Shiver me timbers! Good way to start this chapter. I enjoyed reading it, especially Cash's skepticism and the vision he sees. Paige's "Boo!" is really good.
So far, I don't think you're spending too much time on the ghost tour. If you or your reviewers think otherwise, you could delete a few houses, etc. that don't play a role in the rest of the novel.
I enjoyed this read and have several suggestions:
"The pirates have been known to get a man so drunk he {would've} passed out. Later when he woke up, he was sailing the ocean forced into service as a deckhand on a pirate ship. This is where the term 'shanghaied' originated." I don't think you need the word "would've." Also, I think the term "shanghaied" came from California's gold rush, where ships setting out from San Francisco were chronically undermanned. Men in the saloons passed out and later discovered they were on ships sailing to Shanghai.
"Once an Indian burial ground, it has been reported a few Native Americans still make their presence known." This sentence seems a bit awkward. The "it has been reported" is better for a treatise than a novel. I'd write, "This was once an Indian burial ground. Some say a few Native Americans still make their presence known."
"It was a headquarters for a Yankee general during the Civil War." Do you know which one? Sherman, Hooker, Howard all come to mind.
Dave
Comment Written 09-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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I have made the corrections. I appeciate the help.
Comment from Curtis Hatch
The story and the history continues at an interesting pace. Paige and Cash are on the ghost tour while Evan explains the ghost myths to the group. It is well-written and still holds my attention. I look forward to the next posting. Curtis
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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The story and the history continues at an interesting pace. Paige and Cash are on the ghost tour while Evan explains the ghost myths to the group. It is well-written and still holds my attention. I look forward to the next posting. Curtis
Comment Written 09-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from judiverse
I really loved this. The tour guide is great, and the information about Savannah and its ghosts is so interesting. He spins great stories about the ghosts. The mischievous children ghosts are great, and I like the one that goes up to the bar and orders a drink. Enjoyable humor in the question about whether some of these ghosts vote. And what about that couple that Cash sees at the cemetery? Ghosts or actors? Very enjoyable. judi
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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I really loved this. The tour guide is great, and the information about Savannah and its ghosts is so interesting. He spins great stories about the ghosts. The mischievous children ghosts are great, and I like the one that goes up to the bar and orders a drink. Enjoyable humor in the question about whether some of these ghosts vote. And what about that couple that Cash sees at the cemetery? Ghosts or actors? Very enjoyable. judi
Comment Written 09-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're so welcome. I felt like I was on the tour. judi
Comment from N.K. Wagner
A ghost tour is a fun way to spend a summer evening. I love it that Cash, the skeptic, has seen not one ghost, but two. Very funny, barbara! :) nancy
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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A ghost tour is a fun way to spend a summer evening. I love it that Cash, the skeptic, has seen not one ghost, but two. Very funny, barbara! :) nancy
Comment Written 09-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from jjstar
I really like the history and ghost stories included in this chapter. I've always been fascinated by them. You've done a great job weaving the history through this chapter in the form of a tour.
Good ending!
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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I really like the history and ghost stories included in this chapter. I've always been fascinated by them. You've done a great job weaving the history through this chapter in the form of a tour.
Good ending!
Comment Written 09-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome!
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hi Again,
Barb looks like you did a lot of research about the stories of Savannah mysterious dark side and been recognized as America's most haunted city.
To me it makes your story even more mysterious.
Gert
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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Hi Again,
Barb looks like you did a lot of research about the stories of Savannah mysterious dark side and been recognized as America's most haunted city.
To me it makes your story even more mysterious.
Gert
Comment Written 09-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and your support. I had one reviewer give me a four, she thought it was boring.
Comment from AprilShower
This would work well for the month of October, Barbara. LOL. I enjoyed the history and the ghost stories. I don't believe these are intentional. Bet you are busy with school work.
After the group entered a park, the tour guided continued,
(After the group entered a park, the tour guided (guide) continued,)
Transposed word below:
He appears in solid form orders and a drink from the bar.
(He appears in solid form and orders a drink from the bar.)
April
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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This would work well for the month of October, Barbara. LOL. I enjoyed the history and the ghost stories. I don't believe these are intentional. Bet you are busy with school work.
After the group entered a park, the tour guided continued,
(After the group entered a park, the tour guided (guide) continued,)
Transposed word below:
He appears in solid form orders and a drink from the bar.
(He appears in solid form and orders a drink from the bar.)
April
Comment Written 09-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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I must have been fixing those as you were reviewing, but I will double check incase I forget to save. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Nanashirley
I like the idea of he picture of the ghost. I also like the chapter, the way you ended it with him seeing ghosts way great. Good suspense and humor.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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I like the idea of he picture of the ghost. I also like the chapter, the way you ended it with him seeing ghosts way great. Good suspense and humor.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from abbasjoy
There is so much talk about ghosts, it appears that Cash is even beginning to see some of his own.I guess if you really want to see something, you will, and Paige seems bent on there being a ghost in her house.
Perhaps you could combine your next two "Ghost" chapters, as there does seem to be a lot of emphasis on this.
There is also a lot of historical details, which some readers may find boring, unless they are particularly interested in American history. If it is essential to the plot, then you really have no choice but to include it.
Some readers however, may prefer to see the development of the relationship between Cash and Paige.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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There is so much talk about ghosts, it appears that Cash is even beginning to see some of his own.I guess if you really want to see something, you will, and Paige seems bent on there being a ghost in her house.
Perhaps you could combine your next two "Ghost" chapters, as there does seem to be a lot of emphasis on this.
There is also a lot of historical details, which some readers may find boring, unless they are particularly interested in American history. If it is essential to the plot, then you really have no choice but to include it.
Some readers however, may prefer to see the development of the relationship between Cash and Paige.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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That is the information I need to know. Much of the information I am giving will be needed to understand further developement of their relationship. Thank yuo for yur review.
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That was what I was thinking, so you really have no choice but to continue in the direction in which you are going. Thanks for explaining.
Comment from adewpearl
southern city - Southern
I like the enthusiasm of the tour guide who really gets into character - I've had tour guides like that :-)
Paige snuck up behind him - sneaked
I like the lighthearted, teasing tone of Cash and Paige with each other, and you give really good information from the tour guide :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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southern city - Southern
I like the enthusiasm of the tour guide who really gets into character - I've had tour guides like that :-)
Paige snuck up behind him - sneaked
I like the lighthearted, teasing tone of Cash and Paige with each other, and you give really good information from the tour guide :-) Brooke
Comment Written 09-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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Thank you for your eagle eye and continued support.
