Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Chapter 4, Part 1"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
74 total reviews
Comment from bookishfabler
Okay, I'm so sorry I've been away from Fanstory way too long. I see you have a whole novel nearly written her. has it been that Long? Geez. I already like this one. Give me a ghost and I'm a happy camper. I will try to look back a bit and see all I missed.
hugs Heidi
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2012
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Okay, I'm so sorry I've been away from Fanstory way too long. I see you have a whole novel nearly written her. has it been that Long? Geez. I already like this one. Give me a ghost and I'm a happy camper. I will try to look back a bit and see all I missed.
hugs Heidi
Comment Written 04-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from nora arjuna
She turned her head as the oven timer sounded. - nothing wrong here but we all know the timer produces a sound. how about describing the sound instead and make it more interesting:
She turned her head as the oven timer chimed/dinged.
Cash cut a rectangular section and placed it on her plate, then placed one on his plate. - avoid repeats this way:
Cash cut a rectangular section and placed it on her plate, then sliced another one for his.
now all the questions about ghost's existence made me think too lol.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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She turned her head as the oven timer sounded. - nothing wrong here but we all know the timer produces a sound. how about describing the sound instead and make it more interesting:
She turned her head as the oven timer chimed/dinged.
Cash cut a rectangular section and placed it on her plate, then placed one on his plate. - avoid repeats this way:
Cash cut a rectangular section and placed it on her plate, then sliced another one for his.
now all the questions about ghost's existence made me think too lol.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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Sorry for the late reply, but I just got around to making the corrections and I didn't want to reply and forget to make them.
Comment from Janie King
This is a very pleasant chapter and is definitely leading us into the discovery of a ghost, I am presuming...I've not done much reach on ghosts, angels, but not ghosts so this should be an interesting journey. Good chapter. God bless.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2012
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This is a very pleasant chapter and is definitely leading us into the discovery of a ghost, I am presuming...I've not done much reach on ghosts, angels, but not ghosts so this should be an interesting journey. Good chapter. God bless.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
barbara:
Paige may just be inventing more trouble than she wants
to deal with before everything is said and done. I'm
fairly certain there will be people who would be more
than happy to make her believe she has ghosts even if
she doesn't!
I look forward to your next post
thanks for sharing
hope school is going well
love,
jan
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2012
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barbara:
Paige may just be inventing more trouble than she wants
to deal with before everything is said and done. I'm
fairly certain there will be people who would be more
than happy to make her believe she has ghosts even if
she doesn't!
I look forward to your next post
thanks for sharing
hope school is going well
love,
jan
Comment Written 03-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Healthyheartpoet
Ectoplasm is a fog that takes the shape of a person, so if you run into one of these your house is truly haunted. Things that move by themselves, is another sure sign. So Cash maybe renovating a haunted house. The story is moving along very well.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2012
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Ectoplasm is a fog that takes the shape of a person, so if you run into one of these your house is truly haunted. Things that move by themselves, is another sure sign. So Cash maybe renovating a haunted house. The story is moving along very well.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hello there Barbara
Littler sister, this is such a magnificent book. I like the growing relationship between Paige ans Cash, and now we have a ghost in the house. hmmmmmmmmmm
Bear
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2012
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Hello there Barbara
Littler sister, this is such a magnificent book. I like the growing relationship between Paige ans Cash, and now we have a ghost in the house. hmmmmmmmmmm
Bear
Comment Written 03-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mishelly
Your story continues to keep my interest. I like how Paige and Cash's friendship continues to grow, and each time I read about them I feel like I'm also visiting old friends. I also like how your story is laced with history, and I'm learning along with Paige. I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2012
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Your story continues to keep my interest. I like how Paige and Cash's friendship continues to grow, and each time I read about them I feel like I'm also visiting old friends. I also like how your story is laced with history, and I'm learning along with Paige. I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2012
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Thsnk you for the kind review.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
This chapter's dialogue includes an excellent introduction to ghost lore, and I'm looking forward to the tour. I enjoyed this read and found nothing to criticize. However, Paige's cooking skills reminds me of something:
She held up the lasagna box and smiled. "I never learned to cook." I'll bet that's Stouffers. My wife cooks it every now and then. Her folks always had maids. She didn't learn how to cook until after we got married.
Dave
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2012
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Barbara,
This chapter's dialogue includes an excellent introduction to ghost lore, and I'm looking forward to the tour. I enjoyed this read and found nothing to criticize. However, Paige's cooking skills reminds me of something:
She held up the lasagna box and smiled. "I never learned to cook." I'll bet that's Stouffers. My wife cooks it every now and then. Her folks always had maids. She didn't learn how to cook until after we got married.
Dave
Comment Written 03-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2012
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How cute. I appreciate your kind review. I have question. My next three posts are about the ghost tour. Each one is about 900 words. I am worried that it's too much about the tour, but It has facts that lead Paige into her ghost. Should I cut some of it out????
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Barbara,
I really can't answer your question without seeing the posts. Actually, a 2700 word ghost tour doesn't sound that long, and it could be really interesting.
Dave
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I am trying to make it interesting and have interaction with Paige and Cash.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Another great chapter, Barbara.
Paige and Cash's relationship seems
to be moving along nicely.
such appealing characters in this story,
and the dialogue flows so naturally
Margaret
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2012
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Another great chapter, Barbara.
Paige and Cash's relationship seems
to be moving along nicely.
such appealing characters in this story,
and the dialogue flows so naturally
Margaret
Comment Written 03-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from christianpowers
Hi BW...
This reads very quickly, and just love that quick pace you've established. I kept thinking the guy in the Civil War uniform was going to disappear, or add to his list, '..or talk to strangers outside the home who dress in antiquated clothing, like mine and claim to know about ghosts?' Then stop and stare at her before popping out of existence... lol
I know... silly, just showing how you piece here built tension and made me think. Great job with that.
Here are some spag and a comment I almost never left you... you decide how much merit they have....
I was going to let this go, but figured i'd mention that I thought Paige's reaction too serious here...
>>> Where did you learn to cook?"
As she stood, her face flushed and she went into the kitchen.
"I didn't mean to upset you." Cash followed Paige.
She held up the lasagna box. "I never learned to cook." <<<
...Cash's concern for embarrassing her was fine.. and Paige getting embarrassed was fine.. but, she should lighten the mood with a smile at her own inability to cook, sort of laugh it off, otherwise she seems... I don't know, a bit moody and full of herself, somehow. It's so slight and such a small thing, however. It hardly matters. Just figured I'd share.
>>> Savannah's history is rich with Civil War history." <<< I understand it's dialogue, and can break more rules, but this would just sound better with with just the one 'history' at the end. 'Savannah's rich with Civil War history.'
That's all I have. I hope I helped.
christian
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2012
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Hi BW...
This reads very quickly, and just love that quick pace you've established. I kept thinking the guy in the Civil War uniform was going to disappear, or add to his list, '..or talk to strangers outside the home who dress in antiquated clothing, like mine and claim to know about ghosts?' Then stop and stare at her before popping out of existence... lol
I know... silly, just showing how you piece here built tension and made me think. Great job with that.
Here are some spag and a comment I almost never left you... you decide how much merit they have....
I was going to let this go, but figured i'd mention that I thought Paige's reaction too serious here...
>>> Where did you learn to cook?"
As she stood, her face flushed and she went into the kitchen.
"I didn't mean to upset you." Cash followed Paige.
She held up the lasagna box. "I never learned to cook." <<<
...Cash's concern for embarrassing her was fine.. and Paige getting embarrassed was fine.. but, she should lighten the mood with a smile at her own inability to cook, sort of laugh it off, otherwise she seems... I don't know, a bit moody and full of herself, somehow. It's so slight and such a small thing, however. It hardly matters. Just figured I'd share.
>>> Savannah's history is rich with Civil War history." <<< I understand it's dialogue, and can break more rules, but this would just sound better with with just the one 'history' at the end. 'Savannah's rich with Civil War history.'
That's all I have. I hope I helped.
christian
Comment Written 03-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2012
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I will take a look at your first suggestion and I will omit one of the histories. Thank you for the kind review and eagle eye.
