Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Chapter 4, Part 1"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
74 total reviews
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hey Barb,
Guess she better be careful about what goes bump in the night, huh?!
Another well paced chapter, and a pleasure to read.
Cheers * Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2014
  |
Hey Barb,
Guess she better be careful about what goes bump in the night, huh?!
Another well paced chapter, and a pleasure to read.
Cheers * Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax
Comment Written 28-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2014
-
LOL Your kindness is a blessing.
Comment from Sankey
Good stuff again. Only been to one supposedly haunted house myself but it was in our state here in the South hehe hmm somewhere. Thanks for a great r8de I am enjoying this. And you are a good editor as well NO SPAGS!
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
|
Good stuff again. Only been to one supposedly haunted house myself but it was in our state here in the South hehe hmm somewhere. Thanks for a great r8de I am enjoying this. And you are a good editor as well NO SPAGS!
Comment Written 11-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
-
Thank you for the kind review and dropping by.
Comment from NaughtieScribe
Okay I have to admit the lasagna scene had me smiling. It feels like Cash and Paige are becoming a couple (so I hope). I love the idea of Paige keeping a journal to document the strange goings on at the house. I just hope the ghost does'nt decide to do a bit of writing too. lol
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2012
|
Okay I have to admit the lasagna scene had me smiling. It feels like Cash and Paige are becoming a couple (so I hope). I love the idea of Paige keeping a journal to document the strange goings on at the house. I just hope the ghost does'nt decide to do a bit of writing too. lol
Comment Written 21-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Readywriter52
Paige seems embarrassed about her background. I guess she doesn't want to be perceived as a rich brat. She wants to learn more about her house, but the gentleman she asked won't or can't give her any information until she can provide him with more information.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2012
|
Paige seems embarrassed about her background. I guess she doesn't want to be perceived as a rich brat. She wants to learn more about her house, but the gentleman she asked won't or can't give her any information until she can provide him with more information.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2012
-
Thank you for kind review.
Comment from mtnspirit
Hi Barbara,
You do a fine job of writing and the story flows smoothly. The only thing I can see that you might have added to this chapter is more concerning Cash. For instance...
Does he even believe in ghost?
How did he feel while waiting on Paige to get her answers?
Was he embarrassed? Did he think she was silly? Things of this nature.
A good, well written story. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2012
|
Hi Barbara,
You do a fine job of writing and the story flows smoothly. The only thing I can see that you might have added to this chapter is more concerning Cash. For instance...
Does he even believe in ghost?
How did he feel while waiting on Paige to get her answers?
Was he embarrassed? Did he think she was silly? Things of this nature.
A good, well written story. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review. I think some of these questions will be answered as the chapter continues.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Barbara:)
I'm a little late reviewing this chapter. As always I like your story, but a few things bother me. For example:
1. When Paige acts embarrassed because the lasagna came in a box and wasn't a result of her cooking, Cash was too quick to assume that that she didn't know how to cook. Although his assumption was correct, he compounds the issue by 'poor little rich girl' assumptions.
I think Paige rather than explaining, would have thrown him out. She was already embarrassed and red-faced because Cash had complimented her cooking. I would have had her show him the box and then laugh a little an explain with a passage more like, "I'm afraid my life has been a little sheltered. My lasagna came from a box. Mother always let servents do the household tasks."
Form this Cash might have inquired further or stated more about his own mother's need do do her own things. Don't make Cash appear nosey or Paige appear snooty.
2. I like the questions that Paige asked the guide, but I think it might be more effective to have the guide explain the signs of ghostly activity as the tour gets under way. As it is I think you may make Paige appear a little empty-headed.
For example: I once had the embarrassing situation of stopping by my girl friend's home in Tulsa without calling ahead. until then, I thought she came from an humble back ground. I almost turned and ran when I saw the multi-storied mansion where she lived, but no. I rang the doorbell.
My ring was answered by a maid in a French maid's uniform. "Is miss Sue expecting you?" she asked.
"No." I stammered.
The maid then questioned me as to my reason for, er, living or something like that be fore assuring me that she would call Miss Sue away from her birthday party.
Everything is a near blank in my memory, as to what happened when Sue came in almost formal ware. As least I was smart enough to know it was time to give her a hug and excuse myself for my unexpected intrusion. Fortunately, when she returned to college the next week, we remained best of friends.
I did look at her a little differently as I learned that her father was the managing partner in a major Oklahoma oil company. I never would have guessed. Incidentally, I never did find out if Sue could cook. I do know that she flunked out of the University of Oklahoma. I think her inability to learn chemistry surprised me more than her wealth.
What I'm trying to illustrate here is that young people are flexible about the background of thier early loves and situation and knowledge about each other are best gained through experience rather than intrusive inquisition.
I'm not picking on your writing, I just think that in my opinion, you make both Paige and Cash appear socially awkward. Paige may be more sheltered, but Cash didn't become a Gothic Revival architect without a good education and rubbing shoulders with some wealthy homeowners.
I think just a little tweaking of this chapter can pay big dividends.
Love and Irish Hugs,
Roger
PS You might enjoy an article from this Sunday's Houston Chronicle. Link:
http://www.chron.com/default/article/Travel-Take-a-tour-of-Savannah-with-Paula-Deen-3842448.php
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
|
Hi Barbara:)
I'm a little late reviewing this chapter. As always I like your story, but a few things bother me. For example:
1. When Paige acts embarrassed because the lasagna came in a box and wasn't a result of her cooking, Cash was too quick to assume that that she didn't know how to cook. Although his assumption was correct, he compounds the issue by 'poor little rich girl' assumptions.
I think Paige rather than explaining, would have thrown him out. She was already embarrassed and red-faced because Cash had complimented her cooking. I would have had her show him the box and then laugh a little an explain with a passage more like, "I'm afraid my life has been a little sheltered. My lasagna came from a box. Mother always let servents do the household tasks."
Form this Cash might have inquired further or stated more about his own mother's need do do her own things. Don't make Cash appear nosey or Paige appear snooty.
2. I like the questions that Paige asked the guide, but I think it might be more effective to have the guide explain the signs of ghostly activity as the tour gets under way. As it is I think you may make Paige appear a little empty-headed.
For example: I once had the embarrassing situation of stopping by my girl friend's home in Tulsa without calling ahead. until then, I thought she came from an humble back ground. I almost turned and ran when I saw the multi-storied mansion where she lived, but no. I rang the doorbell.
My ring was answered by a maid in a French maid's uniform. "Is miss Sue expecting you?" she asked.
"No." I stammered.
The maid then questioned me as to my reason for, er, living or something like that be fore assuring me that she would call Miss Sue away from her birthday party.
Everything is a near blank in my memory, as to what happened when Sue came in almost formal ware. As least I was smart enough to know it was time to give her a hug and excuse myself for my unexpected intrusion. Fortunately, when she returned to college the next week, we remained best of friends.
I did look at her a little differently as I learned that her father was the managing partner in a major Oklahoma oil company. I never would have guessed. Incidentally, I never did find out if Sue could cook. I do know that she flunked out of the University of Oklahoma. I think her inability to learn chemistry surprised me more than her wealth.
What I'm trying to illustrate here is that young people are flexible about the background of thier early loves and situation and knowledge about each other are best gained through experience rather than intrusive inquisition.
I'm not picking on your writing, I just think that in my opinion, you make both Paige and Cash appear socially awkward. Paige may be more sheltered, but Cash didn't become a Gothic Revival architect without a good education and rubbing shoulders with some wealthy homeowners.
I think just a little tweaking of this chapter can pay big dividends.
Love and Irish Hugs,
Roger
PS You might enjoy an article from this Sunday's Houston Chronicle. Link:
http://www.chron.com/default/article/Travel-Take-a-tour-of-Savannah-with-Paula-Deen-3842448.php
Comment Written 10-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
-
thank you for sharing with me. I have made the necessary adjustments.
Comment from Flamingbush
Interesting take on south versus north. Although I don't believe in people's ghosts haunting places, I do like the question Paige asked about how to identify a ghost. "I'm sure the ghost won't come out and yell, 'I'm a real ghost!' Would it?" Good dialogue and response to her question. Looks like your romance is moving right along.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012
|
Interesting take on south versus north. Although I don't believe in people's ghosts haunting places, I do like the question Paige asked about how to identify a ghost. "I'm sure the ghost won't come out and yell, 'I'm a real ghost!' Would it?" Good dialogue and response to her question. Looks like your romance is moving right along.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.
-
You're welcome. I look forward to reading more.
Comment from Meena Jawahrani
The story seems to be developing well. The flow keeps you going. Yes it is till short for a chapter and left me feeling somehow incomplete
Would love to meet your ghost friend and know more about him
Keep writing , goodluck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012
 |
The story seems to be developing well. The flow keeps you going. Yes it is till short for a chapter and left me feeling somehow incomplete
Would love to meet your ghost friend and know more about him
Keep writing , goodluck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012
-
Iam assuming you are giving me a four because my post was too short. That is the only critism you have given me. Well, my comment to that is this is PART 1 of Chapter 4, I stated that in the title, there will be a total of four parts. Thank you for the review.
Comment from xxjsfuncxxxity
Another great chapter. Can't wait to see what happens with the ghost. it's kinda like those old black and white monster movies when I was a kid. They made you sit through the whole movie before they showed you the monster and then it was a big letdown. I think you'll do better with this. LOL. Already feeling the goosebumps. Well done!
cheers
js
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012
|
Another great chapter. Can't wait to see what happens with the ghost. it's kinda like those old black and white monster movies when I was a kid. They made you sit through the whole movie before they showed you the monster and then it was a big letdown. I think you'll do better with this. LOL. Already feeling the goosebumps. Well done!
cheers
js
Comment Written 06-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012
-
Thank you. The ghost when I finally reveal him, her, or it, will be around for the rest of the novel. Thank you for the kind review. Please let me know when you write something you think I would like.
-
Well thanks for the interest in my work. Since I can't now what you'd like, I guess my novel Narcisa might be of the most interest to you, since we're both posting novel chapters here on FS, a challenging proposition in and of itself, since people rarely read either of our work in context of linear order, right?
Comment from gotanenvoy
This story held my interest all the way through.
The only critique I would make is when Paige is talking to the tour guide about the ghost. Paige's reaction to the guides comments about a Gothic Revival architect are included with the guides speech. I found this a bit confusing.
Overall I thought the writing was good.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012
|
This story held my interest all the way through.
The only critique I would make is when Paige is talking to the tour guide about the ghost. Paige's reaction to the guides comments about a Gothic Revival architect are included with the guides speech. I found this a bit confusing.
Overall I thought the writing was good.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012
-
I will look at that area. Thank you for the kind review.
