Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Chapter 3, Part 4"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
79 total reviews
Comment from Cleo Belle
Some good building blocks for suspense and a very clear story line which was easy to follow. i enjoyed the dialect and the use of language. Good.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2012
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Some good building blocks for suspense and a very clear story line which was easy to follow. i enjoyed the dialect and the use of language. Good.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the review.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Another great chapter, Barbara. So intriguing.
The suspense is gradually building up and
I like the way you slip in information about
the city, which adds to the interest.
Margaret
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2012
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Another great chapter, Barbara. So intriguing.
The suspense is gradually building up and
I like the way you slip in information about
the city, which adds to the interest.
Margaret
Comment Written 27-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Curtis Hatch
Barbara, I love the story. It flows well, and there is enough action to keep it interesting. The continuous flirty action of Paige and Cash are a pleasure to read. I enjoyed the read.
Following are a couple suggestions you may wish to implement:
Cash answered a knock on his mother's door and his eyes widened.(door, and his eyes)
I went back to check and Miz Paige was gettin' her camera ready. (to check, and Miz Paige)
I guess up North they don't teach common sense. (up North, they don't)
I guess it's going to be a full time job working for this lady. (full-time job)
Nala smiled. "I wouldn't go that far, besides, I've seen the way you look at her. (far, besides; I've seen)
As he jogged toward them, he saw one of boys holding a tripod above his head and Paige trying to reach it. (saw one of the boys)
Didn't you have a third down fourth quarter sack against Auburn? (fourth-quarter)
He backed up and the light went off. (backed up, and the light)
If you had stayed in the truck and I didn't return in a timely manner, you could've called the police. (the truck, and I didn't)
Plans have changed for Saturday afternoon and I wanted to let her know. (afternoon, and I wanted)
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Barbara, I love the story. It flows well, and there is enough action to keep it interesting. The continuous flirty action of Paige and Cash are a pleasure to read. I enjoyed the read.
Following are a couple suggestions you may wish to implement:
Cash answered a knock on his mother's door and his eyes widened.(door, and his eyes)
I went back to check and Miz Paige was gettin' her camera ready. (to check, and Miz Paige)
I guess up North they don't teach common sense. (up North, they don't)
I guess it's going to be a full time job working for this lady. (full-time job)
Nala smiled. "I wouldn't go that far, besides, I've seen the way you look at her. (far, besides; I've seen)
As he jogged toward them, he saw one of boys holding a tripod above his head and Paige trying to reach it. (saw one of the boys)
Didn't you have a third down fourth quarter sack against Auburn? (fourth-quarter)
He backed up and the light went off. (backed up, and the light)
If you had stayed in the truck and I didn't return in a timely manner, you could've called the police. (the truck, and I didn't)
Plans have changed for Saturday afternoon and I wanted to let her know. (afternoon, and I wanted)
Comment Written 27-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Sorry for the late response. I had to wait until I had time to make the correction. Thank you for the eagle eye. I appreciate the help.
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Barbara, you are welcome.
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Barbara ...
You have certainly chosen an interesting theme for this story - a haunted house!
Because you say - "Errors in dialogue are intentional"
there is no point in listing the changes recommended.
However, I suggest these should be attended to ....
* You have - I don't look at her any different than I do anybody else ... this should be - I don't look at her any different from anybody else ... However, more correctly, this should be - I don't look at her any different from the way I look at anyone else....
* You have - If you would've said something, I would've brought you. To avoid repetition, I suggest ...
If you had said something, I would've brought you here.
I now look forward to your next chapter.
Love from ... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2012
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Hullo Barbara ...
You have certainly chosen an interesting theme for this story - a haunted house!
Because you say - "Errors in dialogue are intentional"
there is no point in listing the changes recommended.
However, I suggest these should be attended to ....
* You have - I don't look at her any different than I do anybody else ... this should be - I don't look at her any different from anybody else ... However, more correctly, this should be - I don't look at her any different from the way I look at anyone else....
* You have - If you would've said something, I would've brought you. To avoid repetition, I suggest ...
If you had said something, I would've brought you here.
I now look forward to your next chapter.
Love from ... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from justatuna
This is very well written. I've read some of your work before. You definitely have a great style that flows very well. You create excellent imagery which enhances the story. Well done.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2012
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This is very well written. I've read some of your work before. You definitely have a great style that flows very well. You create excellent imagery which enhances the story. Well done.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
A well written story Barbara and it is written beautifully. The story reads smoothly as I read it and find no confusion. Thanks for sharing with me. Mary
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2012
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A well written story Barbara and it is written beautifully. The story reads smoothly as I read it and find no confusion. Thanks for sharing with me. Mary
Comment Written 27-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Barbara:)
He walked toward the river. What did Nala mean by 'seeing the way I look at Paige?' I don't look at her any different than I do anybody else. (Is Cash fooling himself? I'd bet Nala noticed that his eyes were dilated. It's hard to hide a budding romance even if it's still in the subconscious.)
Cash is certainly protective of his boss, but I don't think his extra hous are work.
So Cash is a football legend in Savannah. I like the way you reveal information about the city and your characters.
This is a delightful chapter that keeps romance, history and ghosts alive and entertaining. This story is off to a good start.
Love and Irish Hugs,
Roger
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2012
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Hi Barbara:)
He walked toward the river. What did Nala mean by 'seeing the way I look at Paige?' I don't look at her any different than I do anybody else. (Is Cash fooling himself? I'd bet Nala noticed that his eyes were dilated. It's hard to hide a budding romance even if it's still in the subconscious.)
Cash is certainly protective of his boss, but I don't think his extra hous are work.
So Cash is a football legend in Savannah. I like the way you reveal information about the city and your characters.
This is a delightful chapter that keeps romance, history and ghosts alive and entertaining. This story is off to a good start.
Love and Irish Hugs,
Roger
Comment Written 27-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Healthyheartpoet
Paige put herself in a dangerous situation and Cash comes to the rescue, lucky she didn't lose her tripod. the lights are turned on mysteriosly, who was in the house? The answer is not forthcoming as cash reports, no problem with the wiring. Anticipation for the next chapter is established.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2012
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Paige put herself in a dangerous situation and Cash comes to the rescue, lucky she didn't lose her tripod. the lights are turned on mysteriosly, who was in the house? The answer is not forthcoming as cash reports, no problem with the wiring. Anticipation for the next chapter is established.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, barbara, you did a great job writing this chapter where cash goes to check on paige at the waterfront and rescues her tripod from the teenagers, paige takes his picture and they find the light on in paige's house where she is painting blackbeard
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2012
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this is very well written, barbara, you did a great job writing this chapter where cash goes to check on paige at the waterfront and rescues her tripod from the teenagers, paige takes his picture and they find the light on in paige's house where she is painting blackbeard
Comment Written 27-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Chris Tee
This is another interesting pert and it is excellently written. Well done indeed Barbara. I can see an intriguing story developing here and look forward to the next part.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2012
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This is another interesting pert and it is excellently written. Well done indeed Barbara. I can see an intriguing story developing here and look forward to the next part.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
