Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Chapter 2, Part 2"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
66 total reviews
Comment from Cumbrianlass
When Paige heard police sirens, she glanced out the front cut-glass window and saw four cruisers, their sirens now silent, two park(ed) along the curb and two alongside the house. - suggestion only.
I really like Cash. So far at least.
What's with those paint brushes? Nice intrigue, Barbara.
So, Cash is attracted to her. Good plot progression. You're building the scenes very nicely,
Look forward to more!
Hugs, Av
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
  |
When Paige heard police sirens, she glanced out the front cut-glass window and saw four cruisers, their sirens now silent, two park(ed) along the curb and two alongside the house. - suggestion only.
I really like Cash. So far at least.
What's with those paint brushes? Nice intrigue, Barbara.
So, Cash is attracted to her. Good plot progression. You're building the scenes very nicely,
Look forward to more!
Hugs, Av
Comment Written 11-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review. Thanks for the catch.
Comment from smudge
I like your character Cash, he seems to be well rounded. After Paige admitted being more frightened of Ghosts than intruders, he put her straight.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
|
I like your character Cash, he seems to be well rounded. After Paige admitted being more frightened of Ghosts than intruders, he put her straight.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Chris Tee
This is another excellent part and the story is extremely interesting Barbara. I enjoyed reading this chapter pert and well done indeed ma'am.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
|
This is another excellent part and the story is extremely interesting Barbara. I enjoyed reading this chapter pert and well done indeed ma'am.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from NaughtieScribe
This is a sweet some what familiar chapter (in a good way), without being too predictable. What I mean is that it feels like a boy meets girl story, but the idea of a ghost and the southern setting give you a lot of room for twists and chills too. I like what I'm seeing so far, bring it on.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
|
This is a sweet some what familiar chapter (in a good way), without being too predictable. What I mean is that it feels like a boy meets girl story, but the idea of a ghost and the southern setting give you a lot of room for twists and chills too. I like what I'm seeing so far, bring it on.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
Poor Paige has embarrassed herself more than once, must be hard on someone like her. But after all the gaffes and misunderstandings, you've left a real mystery about the paintbrushes.
I enjoyed this read and have several suggestions:
"Cash and the officers spoke for awhile. They, then, followed him inside the old kitchen." The "they, then," might be improved. I'd combine these sentences: "After Cash and the officers spoke for awhile, they followed him inside the old kitchen."
"No! What if there would've [had] been a prowler?"
"I knew once Francine past [passed] on, her daughter came in a few times a week,..."
"How'd she get there, SCAD's only a few blocks away from here? She could walk. I'd change the punctuation: "How'd she get there? SCAD's only a few blocks away from here. She could walk."
Dave
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
 |
Barbara,
Poor Paige has embarrassed herself more than once, must be hard on someone like her. But after all the gaffes and misunderstandings, you've left a real mystery about the paintbrushes.
I enjoyed this read and have several suggestions:
"Cash and the officers spoke for awhile. They, then, followed him inside the old kitchen." The "they, then," might be improved. I'd combine these sentences: "After Cash and the officers spoke for awhile, they followed him inside the old kitchen."
"No! What if there would've [had] been a prowler?"
"I knew once Francine past [passed] on, her daughter came in a few times a week,..."
"How'd she get there, SCAD's only a few blocks away from here? She could walk. I'd change the punctuation: "How'd she get there? SCAD's only a few blocks away from here. She could walk."
Dave
Comment Written 10-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
-
Two of your suggestions are the way I orginally had them and reviewers told me to correct them. ARG!! I will fix them. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from rama devi
Nice chapter--smooth-flowing, easy to read and a good balance of suspense (about ghosts) and light=hearted ness. Sweet closing. Very good dialog, as usual.
*
When Paige heard police sirens, she glanced out the front cut-glass window and saw four cruisers, their sirens now silent, two parking along the curb and two alongside the house.
suggest changing parking to parked.
When Paige heard police sirens, she glanced out the front cut-glass window and saw four cruisers, their sirens now silent, two parked along the curb and two alongside the house.
*
"Where's your phone.(?) I'll put my number in."
Good job, B.
Blessings, rd
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
|
Nice chapter--smooth-flowing, easy to read and a good balance of suspense (about ghosts) and light=hearted ness. Sweet closing. Very good dialog, as usual.
*
When Paige heard police sirens, she glanced out the front cut-glass window and saw four cruisers, their sirens now silent, two parking along the curb and two alongside the house.
suggest changing parking to parked.
When Paige heard police sirens, she glanced out the front cut-glass window and saw four cruisers, their sirens now silent, two parked along the curb and two alongside the house.
*
"Where's your phone.(?) I'll put my number in."
Good job, B.
Blessings, rd
Comment Written 10-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review. I've already fixed parked.
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Barbara, you've given us enough questions to be curious about...:) That way you've made certain that we (at least I) will continue reading your story... I already have mental pictures of Paige's surroundings, hope they're right!
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
|
Hi, Barbara, you've given us enough questions to be curious about...:) That way you've made certain that we (at least I) will continue reading your story... I already have mental pictures of Paige's surroundings, hope they're right!
Comment Written 10-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review,
Comment from donaldww
The story is getting interesting now! A ghost may be lurking, but of course, all the signs point to Cash as the culprit for mystery light and missing paint brushes. New working girl is introduced, plus Dwayne from the school.
Excellent!
I hope Ch. 3 comes soon, because my brain sometimes behaves like a piece of Swiss Cheese. LOL.
I might forget the details. I've already forgotten specific details from Ch. 1.
Cheers!
DW
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
|
The story is getting interesting now! A ghost may be lurking, but of course, all the signs point to Cash as the culprit for mystery light and missing paint brushes. New working girl is introduced, plus Dwayne from the school.
Excellent!
I hope Ch. 3 comes soon, because my brain sometimes behaves like a piece of Swiss Cheese. LOL.
I might forget the details. I've already forgotten specific details from Ch. 1.
Cheers!
DW
Comment Written 10-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review. I understand. I read so many stories on FS that I tend to get mixed up.
Comment from kad175
Easy reading. Good dialogue. He tried to look passed Nala. "Past" not passed. Other than that just fun reading. Love a good ghost story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2012
 |
Easy reading. Good dialogue. He tried to look passed Nala. "Past" not passed. Other than that just fun reading. Love a good ghost story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2012
-
You gave me a five star review and four stars. I am not sure why. I will make that correction. Thank you for the correction.
-
Sorry for the confusion. I got interrupted and lost the page.
Comment from Deejharrington
Oh, goodie, there are ghosts! I think Cash has a better chance with Paige than he thinks. At least I hope so:) Very well done. The characters are coming alive and the dialog is believable. I look forward to reading the next chapter
deb:)
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2012
|
Oh, goodie, there are ghosts! I think Cash has a better chance with Paige than he thinks. At least I hope so:) Very well done. The characters are coming alive and the dialog is believable. I look forward to reading the next chapter
deb:)
Comment Written 10-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.
-
you're welcome
deb
