Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Chapter 2, Part 2"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
66 total reviews
Comment from mumsyone
A good continuing chapter, Barbara.
Paige opened the door(,) allowing the officers and Cash (to) enter.
It's my first night in the house and (I) guess I'm a little jumpy.
"No! What if there would've had (omit 'had') been a prowler?
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2012
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A good continuing chapter, Barbara.
Paige opened the door(,) allowing the officers and Cash (to) enter.
It's my first night in the house and (I) guess I'm a little jumpy.
"No! What if there would've had (omit 'had') been a prowler?
Comment Written 13-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
spoke for a while,they followed him (need a space after the comma)
I can't wait to read more of this. I live in a house built in 1885 which is supposed to be haunted. This well written story is right up my alley!!! Debbie
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2012
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spoke for a while,they followed him (need a space after the comma)
I can't wait to read more of this. I live in a house built in 1885 which is supposed to be haunted. This well written story is right up my alley!!! Debbie
Comment Written 13-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the catch. I appreciate the kind review.
Comment from RaymondJohn
Some strange goin'-ons here. I like the mystery and the suggestion of ghosts. I assume they hearken back to the Rebs in the beginning of the story. Good use of dialog. Fine job.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Some strange goin'-ons here. I like the mystery and the suggestion of ghosts. I assume they hearken back to the Rebs in the beginning of the story. Good use of dialog. Fine job.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Auroraboreal800
Hi Barbara!
I fell like an eyewitness in this house, when reading this interesting story. You're very special in dialogues and narrative as well. Estoy enganchada a tu historia.
HAVE A NICE WEEK!
:)
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Hi Barbara!
I fell like an eyewitness in this house, when reading this interesting story. You're very special in dialogues and narrative as well. Estoy enganchada a tu historia.
HAVE A NICE WEEK!
:)
Comment Written 13-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Barbara ...
I have given you 5 stars because you have a good story but, there are a few changes recommended ...
* First of all, what puzzles me is that you use the word 'Cash' - which refers to money - as a name for one of your characters.
* You have - Two police cruisers were parked along the curb and two along the curb and two alongside the house ...
I think you mean - along the curb and two alongside the house ....
* Paige opened the door to let the officers and Cash enter ... I suggest - Paige opened the door, allowing Cash and the officers to enter ...
* You refer to supplies (plural) then say ... I didn't want to leave it in the truck ... which should be - to leave them in the truck ...
* You have- and guess I'm a little jumpy .... I suggest - and I guess I'm a little jumpy ...
* You have - You worried about ghosts? - I suggest -
Are you worried ....
* You have - No! What if there would've been a prowler? I suggest - What if there had been a prowler?
* You have - I better check .. this should be - I had better check ...
* You have - He handed it back. I suggest - He handed it back to her ...
* You have - Be sure it's locked after I leave ... I suggest - Be sure the door is locked ....
* You have - The women glanced toward the stairs and watched Cash and Billy Joe run up them. I suggest -
The women watched as Cash and Billy Joe ran up the stairs.
* You have - Paige, you all right? I suggest -
Paige - are you alright?
* You have - you aren't supposed to ask those kinds of questions. I suggest - to ask those sort of questions.
* You have - Where you at? I suggest - Where exactly are you?
* You have - Think I'll ever figure this town out?
I suggest - Do you think I'll ever manage to figure out this town?
Now, I look forward to your next chapter.
Love from ... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Hullo Barbara ...
I have given you 5 stars because you have a good story but, there are a few changes recommended ...
* First of all, what puzzles me is that you use the word 'Cash' - which refers to money - as a name for one of your characters.
* You have - Two police cruisers were parked along the curb and two along the curb and two alongside the house ...
I think you mean - along the curb and two alongside the house ....
* Paige opened the door to let the officers and Cash enter ... I suggest - Paige opened the door, allowing Cash and the officers to enter ...
* You refer to supplies (plural) then say ... I didn't want to leave it in the truck ... which should be - to leave them in the truck ...
* You have- and guess I'm a little jumpy .... I suggest - and I guess I'm a little jumpy ...
* You have - You worried about ghosts? - I suggest -
Are you worried ....
* You have - No! What if there would've been a prowler? I suggest - What if there had been a prowler?
* You have - I better check .. this should be - I had better check ...
* You have - He handed it back. I suggest - He handed it back to her ...
* You have - Be sure it's locked after I leave ... I suggest - Be sure the door is locked ....
* You have - The women glanced toward the stairs and watched Cash and Billy Joe run up them. I suggest -
The women watched as Cash and Billy Joe ran up the stairs.
* You have - Paige, you all right? I suggest -
Paige - are you alright?
* You have - you aren't supposed to ask those kinds of questions. I suggest - to ask those sort of questions.
* You have - Where you at? I suggest - Where exactly are you?
* You have - Think I'll ever figure this town out?
I suggest - Do you think I'll ever manage to figure out this town?
Now, I look forward to your next chapter.
Love from ... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the catches. I'll get on them.
Comment from KD Forsman
interesting use of dialogue to take the reader through the various scenes in the story. Will be good to read the next installment :)
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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interesting use of dialogue to take the reader through the various scenes in the story. Will be good to read the next installment :)
Comment Written 13-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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You gave me four stars for a five star review. I'm comfused. What should I correct????
Comment from unimatrix001
Excellent continuation to an intriguing story. Good use of dialog, but I would like to see more description. Scenes are described almost exclusively through dialog, so I have a difficult time visualizing the scenes or the characters.
"Now [that] I think about it..." - I think you meant to put the word "that" in this dialog string.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Excellent continuation to an intriguing story. Good use of dialog, but I would like to see more description. Scenes are described almost exclusively through dialog, so I have a difficult time visualizing the scenes or the characters.
"Now [that] I think about it..." - I think you meant to put the word "that" in this dialog string.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Thank you for th ekind review.
Comment from hari anand
Savannah love , i the conversation showed here binds the reader feeling he is also the part of it...".thanks or sharing....liked it
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Savannah love , i the conversation showed here binds the reader feeling he is also the part of it...".thanks or sharing....liked it
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Thank you for th ekind review.
Comment from Janie King
Well, I like the set-up and the setting..I haven't totally got the first two sections and this fit together but I'm sure it will happen. Love ya. God bless.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Well, I like the set-up and the setting..I haven't totally got the first two sections and this fit together but I'm sure it will happen. Love ya. God bless.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from marlafae
*When Paige heard police sirens, she glanced out the front cut-glass window. Two police cruisers were parked along the curb and two along the curb and two alongside the house, their sirens now silent.--it's a bit odd that in a two sentence span, the sirens went from on to off.
*Cash or police didn't come upstairs.--change to Neither Cash or the police came upstairs (maybe?)
*some of the dialogue seems a bit stilted, especially Paige's. People typically speak in shorter sentences than we writers tend to write, as well as use many more contractions.
I'm enjoying your story!
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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*When Paige heard police sirens, she glanced out the front cut-glass window. Two police cruisers were parked along the curb and two along the curb and two alongside the house, their sirens now silent.--it's a bit odd that in a two sentence span, the sirens went from on to off.
*Cash or police didn't come upstairs.--change to Neither Cash or the police came upstairs (maybe?)
*some of the dialogue seems a bit stilted, especially Paige's. People typically speak in shorter sentences than we writers tend to write, as well as use many more contractions.
I'm enjoying your story!
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind review. I had made a correction there, and still messed it up. I will correct it.
